I really need some inspirational stories from you lovely ladies on the subject of being a single mama. How do you make it through the day? What keeps you going? What advice do you have? How do you do it?
I focus on my children and my work. I make sure to tell myself often "Hey, one day at a time girl" and remind myself that my children are happy, healthy, well adjusted and strong. I love my independance and often, I am amazed at myself and what I am capable of.
I often sit back and think, "Wow, we are all ok and I am ok and I rock at this" and it gives me such a beautiful, calm feeling.
There are things that are hard for me. I hate nights alone, I guess when the children are all in bed, the quietness of being alone bugs me a bit.
All in all, as long my babes are well, I feel great.
Well, I've never had a kiddo and partner at the same time so it's like I have nothing to compare my situation to. But I find the following things really help:
-take advantage of friends and family that are willing to help out. Even if you don't want to leave your kid with them, they can occupy the kid while you get stuff done
-take care of your body, even just a few minutes every day to give yourself a good facewash. it's worth it to not deal with the low self-esteem crap
-go to ANY groups available to you. I go to a breastfeeding group every week and because of my single-mom status, there's a group available to me where you just sit around and do nursery rhymes with your kid. I'm going to get into that one soon.
-don't rush into a new relationship just for the comfort and security, because if it ends down the road you'll be in the same spot, thinking "how do I do this alone?"
well, i have been a single mama for pretty much three years.. i focus on school, work and my girls. like another poster said, the toughest part is at night, laying alone and it being so quiet. many nights i wish i could have someone just to snuggle up to and tell me everything will be alright.. but then again i KNOW everything will be alright because I AM MAKING IT ALRIGHT! its an awesome and empowering feeling to have total control of what you are going to do, and not having to explain to someone else.
I'm enjoying being single right now. It's not the right time for me to be in a relationship and i don't have the time to devote to someone at the moment. It does get lonely at night but i get over it.
I've also become very picky when it comes to men since having N. It's sad but i think it's true for a lot of us...before i was a mama i'd be more likely to settle for someone less than what i wanted out of loneliness or whatever...now that i'm a mama it's an entirely different story. Someone i'm dating will be around my son and maybe eventually his father and i won't settle for N...he's going to have the best. It's not easy to find the man i'm looking for...he's out there...but i'd just rather be home with my little man, instead of out looking for one right now.
Someday it'll be the right time to date. Right now i like doing it on my own.
i love being a single mom. so mucht hat i'm even thinking of having a baby on my own sometime soon. there are hard times. i once had to set my son up with some toys in the bathroom so i could puke and watch him at the same time. but i felt so damn bad ass after making in through! You get to make all the decisions and the fun of being the go to person for your little one. you get to make the kind of life you like and want.
I never thought id say this, but I love being a single mother! Its the best thing thats ever happened to me. Yes, I have an involved BD who drives me up the wall and makes life difficult, but for the most part, I make my own decisions for me and my baby girl, and I love it. The most important thing for me was to find friends in the same sort of position. They have helped me out a lot, and keep me thinking as positively as possible, even when Im feeling really bad.
i was an uber single mom for my daughter's first 18 months -- practically no help at all ... ever. but for the last two years her dad has been very involved which changes thing significantly. it's easier, in many ways, but also more stressful -- more to negotiate, more uncertainty, less autonomy.
in that first period i often said that while i didn't get any breaks, i never expected any which actually seemed to be easier in a lot of ways. the days, my daughter's needs, etc., were all structured solely around us. i like that. it was super important to me to have other mom friends. single moms have also played significantly in the past while and i really appreciate the commonalities we share.
so, things i enjoy: not a lot of daily negotiating, free time to actually do things with (when in relationship i'm always struck by how much time is wasted/how little i get done), lots of kiddo snuggles (my daughter seems to thrive when i'm single), time for waxing (or other silly beauty rituals), picking up new skills/habits/hobbies.
there seems to be more pattern in my single life, which can be stifling, but also is my most productive time. i'm currently missing that quite a bit as i get further inmeshed in a relationship.
My daughter's nearly seven months old, and barring a brief reconcilation with her father, I've been single since day one.
When he left us while I was still pregnant, I really didn't think I could do it on my own. But after I got over the initial 'shock' of having a baby (which everyone goes through, single or not) and got into the swing of things, I felt much better about it. Now, when my partnered mama friends ask me "However do you cope alone?" I ask them "However do you make time for your partner?!" My days are full, and come the end of them I'm quite happy to curl up with a book, I don't miss having a boyfriend like I used to do when I was single & childless.
Sure, it has its downsides - I'm not too sure what to say to Lydia when she's older & asks about her dad, I don't get out on my own that often, and dating is a total minefield because I come with a (very cute) bit of 'baggage' these days :lol: but these are a pretty fair tradeoff for not being in an unhappy relationship with BD & I've taken to crossing my bridges as I come to them. Worrying about the future won't change it, so I'm really working on less worrying, and more having fun with my little girl.
sometimes i wonder. but really im pretty happy that i have complete control over what happens to me and my kid and the way we live.
I spend as much time as possible outside, at the park, etc. It is a great way to meet other people, including other single mamas.
I focus on my children and my work. I make sure to tell myself often "Hey, one day at a time girl" and remind myself that my children are happy, healthy, well adjusted and strong. I love my independance and often, I am amazed at myself and what I am capable of.
I often sit back and think, "Wow, we are all ok and I am ok and I rock at this" and it gives me such a beautiful, calm feeling.
There are things that are hard for me. I hate nights alone, I guess when the children are all in bed, the quietness of being alone bugs me a bit.
All in all, as long my babes are well, I feel great.
Well, I've never had a kiddo and partner at the same time so it's like I have nothing to compare my situation to. But I find the following things really help:
-take advantage of friends and family that are willing to help out. Even if you don't want to leave your kid with them, they can occupy the kid while you get stuff done
-take care of your body, even just a few minutes every day to give yourself a good facewash. it's worth it to not deal with the low self-esteem crap
-go to ANY groups available to you. I go to a breastfeeding group every week and because of my single-mom status, there's a group available to me where you just sit around and do nursery rhymes with your kid. I'm going to get into that one soon.
-don't rush into a new relationship just for the comfort and security, because if it ends down the road you'll be in the same spot, thinking "how do I do this alone?"
I hope things work out for you :)
well, i have been a single mama for pretty much three years.. i focus on school, work and my girls. like another poster said, the toughest part is at night, laying alone and it being so quiet. many nights i wish i could have someone just to snuggle up to and tell me everything will be alright.. but then again i KNOW everything will be alright because I AM MAKING IT ALRIGHT! its an awesome and empowering feeling to have total control of what you are going to do, and not having to explain to someone else.
Nicole
I'm enjoying being single right now. It's not the right time for me to be in a relationship and i don't have the time to devote to someone at the moment. It does get lonely at night but i get over it.
I've also become very picky when it comes to men since having N. It's sad but i think it's true for a lot of us...before i was a mama i'd be more likely to settle for someone less than what i wanted out of loneliness or whatever...now that i'm a mama it's an entirely different story. Someone i'm dating will be around my son and maybe eventually his father and i won't settle for N...he's going to have the best. It's not easy to find the man i'm looking for...he's out there...but i'd just rather be home with my little man, instead of out looking for one right now.
Someday it'll be the right time to date. Right now i like doing it on my own.
i love being a single mom. so mucht hat i'm even thinking of having a baby on my own sometime soon. there are hard times. i once had to set my son up with some toys in the bathroom so i could puke and watch him at the same time. but i felt so damn bad ass after making in through! You get to make all the decisions and the fun of being the go to person for your little one. you get to make the kind of life you like and want.
I never thought id say this, but I love being a single mother! Its the best thing thats ever happened to me. Yes, I have an involved BD who drives me up the wall and makes life difficult, but for the most part, I make my own decisions for me and my baby girl, and I love it. The most important thing for me was to find friends in the same sort of position. They have helped me out a lot, and keep me thinking as positively as possible, even when Im feeling really bad.
i was an uber single mom for my daughter's first 18 months -- practically no help at all ... ever. but for the last two years her dad has been very involved which changes thing significantly. it's easier, in many ways, but also more stressful -- more to negotiate, more uncertainty, less autonomy.
in that first period i often said that while i didn't get any breaks, i never expected any which actually seemed to be easier in a lot of ways. the days, my daughter's needs, etc., were all structured solely around us. i like that. it was super important to me to have other mom friends. single moms have also played significantly in the past while and i really appreciate the commonalities we share.
so, things i enjoy: not a lot of daily negotiating, free time to actually do things with (when in relationship i'm always struck by how much time is wasted/how little i get done), lots of kiddo snuggles (my daughter seems to thrive when i'm single), time for waxing (or other silly beauty rituals), picking up new skills/habits/hobbies.
there seems to be more pattern in my single life, which can be stifling, but also is my most productive time. i'm currently missing that quite a bit as i get further inmeshed in a relationship.
My daughter's nearly seven months old, and barring a brief reconcilation with her father, I've been single since day one.
When he left us while I was still pregnant, I really didn't think I could do it on my own. But after I got over the initial 'shock' of having a baby (which everyone goes through, single or not) and got into the swing of things, I felt much better about it. Now, when my partnered mama friends ask me "However do you cope alone?" I ask them "However do you make time for your partner?!" My days are full, and come the end of them I'm quite happy to curl up with a book, I don't miss having a boyfriend like I used to do when I was single & childless.
Sure, it has its downsides - I'm not too sure what to say to Lydia when she's older & asks about her dad, I don't get out on my own that often, and dating is a total minefield because I come with a (very cute) bit of 'baggage' these days :lol: but these are a pretty fair tradeoff for not being in an unhappy relationship with BD & I've taken to crossing my bridges as I come to them. Worrying about the future won't change it, so I'm really working on less worrying, and more having fun with my little girl.
much love
xxx