I haven't posted in a while because a lot of shit has been going down and I'm a little bit embarrasses about the changes in my life. In earlier posts I have complained about how my bd is a dead beat dad and issues with child support etc... I probably said that I hated him or something negative about him. Now, things have completely changed for the better but no one really sees it that way but me.
My bd has reformed his ways and he seems really sincere. He is 100% in our daughter's life. He buys everything that she needs and when he got served with he child support order he said that it's ok and he will not contest it in court nor is he going to take me to court for visitation because I allow him to see Ayri often.
Here's the problem. He wants to get a place for all of us to be together and try to be a family. That's what I wanted since I was pregnant, but he wasn't with all that. I've known him for 8 years now and I really have always had love for him and still do have very strong feelings for him. My family and friends don't want us to be together at all since he was an asshole to me during my pregnancy and the first month after the baby was born. I understand that they love me and don't want to see me hurt, but I am considering living with him. I have already lost one friend over this because he thinks I'm being stupid and a doormat for my bd to walk all over me.
I really hate this because he did put me through a lot of shit, but I still do have feelings for him and believe that he is sincere about being a family. He tries so hard to prove that he's not playing games and even puts up with my attitude and vindictiveness towards him because of the shit he put me through. He got Ayri's and my name tattooed on him and is really helping me out outside of things he does for the baby.
I know as young women we all have to make our own choices, but I would appreciate some insight especially from those of you who have gone through ups and downs with your bd and how you dealt with constant comments from friends and family. I feel that my friends and family don't understand that I'm not as naive and gullible like I used to be. I know what my bd is capable of and if I get hurt again at least I know I will be ok and not as weak as I used to be. I know that I am more than 100% capable of being a damn good single mama, but I want to give it another try with him and see how it goes.
It's funny how things change
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Sun, 2006-07-30 03:08
#1
It's funny how things change
There were a couple times I almost got back with BD, within a week he was seeing someone new. I just suggest you take things slowly. Maybe go stay a night or a weekend with him. Don't give up your housing situation, in case it doesn't work out. Someone being financially supportive does not mean they'll be emotionally supportive or a good full time father. Take things slow. Good luck.
i have been going through the exact same things as you, i say exact meaning in what you described, obviously it is different in some ways. anyways. my BD was horrible while i was pregnant ( we were living together) and after the baby was born, i couldnt take anymore of his bullshit and kicked him out and we broke up. THings since then have been on and off, we didnt see eachother for a month, then he took off to BC because he thought that if i didn't want him, then he didn't want to be a part of my life. WEll that lasted about 2 weeks, now he's back, and being amazing, and got a job, i'm still taking him to court for child support and custody and he's totally cool with it and understands that he's fucked up. He's playing towards the "lety's move in together" thing too, and that's what i really want, but i'm not going for it just yet. None of my friends know that we are back together. I lie to everyone, and make it seem like i only talk to him once in awhile... but he sleeps over on the weekends, and spends all of his spare time with me unless i'm busy studying or hanging out with my other friends. and although i'm still emotionally distant from him ( it's hard to get over that kind of thing) I know what i want, and i want to be with him, happy family, together for life, good relationship, living together, even married one day. BUt i'm going to take it slow, he's not moving in. I have a good thing going for me, I'm in school finishing my degree, i have my own apartment wiht my baby, and my situation is stable. His isn't. and i don't feel like i have the time to offer him stabilty, or take him on, it's a challenge to let someone back into your life like that so quickly, and i know what you are going through with you friends, all mine think he should go to hell. But I want him to be in our lives and i love him.
I don't know if this is any help. BUt i feel like we are kind of going through similar situations, and my advice would be, don't move in. Let him back into your life, to a certain extent, be in love, work things out. THINK about moving in in the future. HOw is your situation right now, are you living alone or with a roomate? With your family?
Thanks. I probably won't move in with him any time soon. I know I need to be able to trust him more than I do before I even consider living with him. Right now I am staying with mom so it's not like I need a place of my own right away. Hopefully things will continue to go good with him and I.
Ahhh! I've been thinking about this a lot lately, BD and I moved in together about two years ago. In hindsight and all honesty I would have made him take parenting classes, he had absolutely no idea was a reasonable expectation for a child was and imposed ridiculous limits. Gah. I really wish you the best of luck, and I know that BDs can reform because mine did.
Well, I have given it a lot of thought and I have decided to get a place of my own and not live with my BD. We are still working on our relationship, but the truth is that it will take me a very long time to trust him again no matter how hard he is trying. I'm going to take some time to work on improving myself and feeling confident again before I jump into something serious like living with him.
hello dawnn, im new here, but i want to share.
I can say that in some ways i understand what you're going through. My bf and I would fight a lot. I sometimes i would vent to my friends and fam, telling them i was so done with him. But then we'd make up and I'd feel silly for even saying anything to them at all. One of my cousins told me she barely listens to me anymore because she knows I really want to be with him and we'll probably get back together. And so far, we always have. Its hard for your friends and family unless they've been there and really know what its like. If not, they just think you're a sucker for love. I am considering living with my bf, but I think I'd be better living by myself or with my parents for now. Men can be so sometimey. Sometimes everything is good and somethimes everything is shity as hell. And you never know. You just have to take it day by day. :D Good luck.
Read my "is it me?" post to learn more about my situation if you're interested.