I wake up in the morning next to a man who I don't trust, a man who lies, who cheats, who is disrespectful and selfish...a man I have given everything to...a man who I've loved and gave a child to. We were together for over a year and a half when I gave birth to our beautiful son who is now 3 months old. After 5 weeks of being a father and us being a family he decided that maybe this life wasn't for him...that he didn't want the complete commitment anymore. We are still living together, sleeping together, and he is still paying for everything for me and my son, granted I have no money because he told me he would pay all the bills if I just paid off my outstanding debts. I have to basically treat him good and give him what he wants because he's talked about moving out and who knows what will happen when he does...besides the fact that I feel so alone right now and on good days (when we can be friends), it's nice to have him there. He also seems like some days he wants to be close with me and treat me good and other days he wants her. The worse part of all of this is that maybe I should of seen it. When I was pregnant he started having this sudden need to go out after work ( he gets off work at 1am the earliest) to drink with his friends. Everyone thought that it was because he was nervous about being a father and all the pressure he was under so I let it slide. It only got worse as my belly got bigger and I became more pregnant. He would lie about where he was going, not come home at the time he said he would be there and not answer my phone calls at 9 months pregnant!!!! He went out up until the day before I gave birth to our son (I had a very hard pregnancy and had symptoms of preclampsia). He also started spending a lot of time with a girl we both used to work with saying that they were "really good friends" and being so in love I believed him saying to myself "I have guy friends. Why can't she just be his friend?" It seemed like right after we split up they were suddenly together. He has put spending time with her before spending time with his son. He still continues to go out until all hours of the night and started up again since our son was two weeks old. Don't get me wrong he is a great father, but only when it's convenient for him, when he's not working, when he's not going out drinking or partying, and when he's not with her. Being a father is 24 hours a day 7 days a week not whenever you feel like it. I have to be a mother all of the time before anything else. I don't get that choice like he does. This girl is now his "girlfriend" and I hate her. Not only was she the one that broke up our family by talking to and telling an almost married man with a pregnant "wife" she cared for him, but for the fact that she wants my life. This is the second man of mine she has gone out with after we split. What kind of woman would do whats he does? What really was it for me was when I came home early from work and she was in my house when he was supposed to be home ALONE watching the baby. I'm not allowed to have guys over that are just friends of mine but he thinks that its ok to have her there? That's crazy! This girl smokes and does drugs and I don't want her anywhere near my son. I may not be able to control what he does and how he lives his life but I sure as hell can protect my son and that's what I'm going to do until the end. I now can't trust him with the baby alone because he's lied so much and deceived me so much that I don;t believe a word coming out of his mouth even if it's the truth. I just can't believe this is happening to me. The man that I had a child with, the man I was suppose to marry, who took care of me through out my pregnancy and loved me unconditionally is abandoning me when I need him the most. I am so lost and I'm so afraid of the future. I hate not knowing what tomorrow will bring. HELP!!!!!!
Hey mama, I honestly think you're being treated way unfairly. Just because he supports you financially doesn't mean that he has the right to disrespect you and pick and choose which days he feels like being a good friend, father, etc...
Sounds kind of like he expects you to let him do whatever he wants in your relationship just because he covers the financial aspect of your lives, which is not ok. You deserve more than that. Better than that.
Also, I'd be sketchy about some random girl coming around my kid too, especially if I didn't know much about her. I mean you definitely can't just pin her as a bad person based on the fact that she smokes and does drugs. That doesn't make a bad person. But if you feel like she would expose your kid to that when you aren't around then I think you have a right to be upset.
Is there anywhere else you could go to get away from him?
Sounds like he's bringing you down.
Hope things start getting better for you.
mama first off let me say im sorry you have to go through this I know its hard i have been there. Its brings back so many memories of j's dad and I wonder where you live because your story is to the tee to mine Im wondering if you ran into j's dad lol but anyhow you dont need this. it is not fair to you or your son and it will not get better I hate to be blunt but he will not change. This is the kind of man that I like to label as controlling, he wants you to be there for his convienance and he wants to go all over town partying but as you say you cant even have guy friends over the house.
J's dad also started being mean to me after i got pregnant well i have to say he was mean from the beginning but it got worse. You say he is a good father sometimes,........there is no such thing as a sometimes father. he is not a good father he is putting you and your son second and he is wrong for that. in short you should leave him. do you have anywhere else to go? could someone help you? could you save a little money within the next few weeks and then just take your son and leave?
and about this girl if she did this to you before she is not ur friend
good luck mama
I'm sorry it's so hard for you. It sounds like you want to leave but struggle with trying to figure out how you could do that due to money. Maybe you can't leave right now, and that sucks, but perhaps you should work on trying to find ways that will facilitate you leaving.
Also, as easy as it is to blame his girlfriend, he is responsible for his reactions and his commitments as a father to your kid - she's not responsible for making sure he keeps that commitment or even facilitating it. Even so, if you feel she is unsafe for your child to be around (due to drugs or whatever), you should try to keep your kid away from her.
Good luck and hang in there!
I know how you feel, as well, I've been there. I was with my BD for 5.5 years before I finally realized the lying, cheating, drug use, no responsibiilty, disprect was enough. It's hard ... and it's hard not to blame the people he's around. But I also realized that I wasn't in love with him anymore and the both of us were probably holding onto somethign that was no longer there. Even while, he would still tell me he loved me, he probably had sex with othe women the whole time we were together ...
It's hard, but you were treated wrong ... take time to think of what you really, really want. PM Me if you'd like.
hey, i am in the same exact situation as you, minus the other women.............. i also have an almost 3 month old. i tried pming you, but its not working for some reason, so pm me if you'd like.... keep your head up hun.