I decided back at the beginning of September that I wanted to live on my own. So, I told my bf this and he kicked me out the house and broke up with me. We've remained friends though and I do spend the night at his house at least once a week.
The problem is he still gets to me. I still love him and I want us to get back together. I'm not sure if all my hints fall on deaf ears or if he just ignores them b/c its not what he wants at all. I still cry at night when I think of how I messed up. I know I should never have said I wanted to move out, but that's just who I am.
I'm restless. I've never lived in 1 place for longer than a year...until then. I lived in that same house for a year and a half. It was a rental and I just can't take being stuck in one place for that long. I need change. If I owned my own place, I could at least remodel or paint or something. But when I'm stuck in a tiny little rental, there's nothing you can do. I moved furniture a few times, but we had a lot of furniture and no where to really put it. And I think that's my problem.
But I'm not sure what to do about my ex-bf. I'm scared to ruin our friendship by coming straight out and telling him how I feel. What if he doesn't love me anymore? And since I told him how I feel he doesn't want to spend time with me? I think that would hurt more than not knowing almost.
This all was probably a lot of rambling, but it does make me feel better to at least jot it down.