Well to start off I am engadged to a 28 year old man and I am 18. We have a most beautiful 11 month old daughter. Our relationship was rocky from the start but it didnt matter we were glued to one another. Then he started changing accusing me of cheating(which to this day I will say I didnt cheat on that man, I didnt talk to another guy like that until a couple months after my child was born), using drugs, calling me names and slapping me around. I got fed up and after I found out I was pregnant I was worried all the stress would lead to a misscarriage. We decided it would be best to turn himself in. At that time I promised I would wait and we would support each other. But while he was locked up he harrased me the entire time all the while still accusing me of cheating, writing me hate notes and saying the child wasnt his. After I had my daughter I got sick and tired of all the bull and I decided to see other people. But the things I did were entirely out of revenge and in turn hurt myself. I was partying and engadging in sexual activities (when my child would visit for a night or two at grandmas). It was wrong and everyday I live with that. The hateful letters continued and the whole time I was convinced we werent going to be together and of course this broke my heart. Not to mention this entire time I did write I was unable to send money but I moved closer to his family and made sure they were very involved in her life, I also visited him and made sure he got to see the baby. Well in the end of December he was released after about a 16 month sentence. The first night back we decided we were going to work it out and he of course was ready to be daddy. I confessed all of my wrong doings and he of course says I am a cheater. Daily we argue and there already have been incidents of slapping but now he is attending domestic violence classes. But he calls me names and still accuses me of outrageous things. But when were happy were so damn happy and I have flipped my world around to cater and become a wife and I want to have a happy home. Now were about to live together again(we were unable before due to lack of money) and he is all of a sudden acting weird and not calling me as much and hes always busy. He is trying to find a job and apartment for us to live in but he is acting weird and I am not sure why. Yes I might sound like a nut and trust in the fact that I am not stupid but I hate to be the girl that didnt try because I am so in love with this man that it does make me crazy. What should I do? Living with him hurts but to live without him again would kill me and I dont want that again. What should I look for in him that lets me know its over? Am I the reason for the problems? Just give some advice please I am going crazy. :?:
I am in a similar situation with my SO, and I am still going through something Somewhat similar with my child's father. My SO doenst physically abuse me, but he does mentally abuse meat times, not all the time. I gave birth to my daughter almost five months ago and my SO will call me fat, or accuse me of cheating on him even though I didnt cheat on him not one time during the course of our relationship. But I have came to realize that the reason why these guys do this is because they are insecure, especially knowing that there are other men out ther who can treat us way better, even though it doesnt seem like that now. And another thing, They are almost always cheating when they accuse us of it. Why I dont know.
And as far as my BD goes, he is locked up right now and when I told him I was pregnant he said it wasnt his and he wanted a DNA test, even though I was completely faithful to him. And men dont realize that they really can hurt us with the things that they may say about us, and sometimes even our children. And it makes absolutely no sense
I think that you should let him know how you feel, depending on how seriously he takes your conversations. Cause my SO never takes into consideration what I say when I tell him how I fell, and give him a few days and see if he changes....
I dont think this guy is worth your time. he might only hit you sometimes, but sometimes is too much. you dont want your child around someone who is abusive. i know its hard to leave someone. i still havent been able to leave my BD .
guys who are paranoid about their girlfriend cheating are often cheating themselves- but they'll never admit this to the girlfriend. if he doesn't have much time and always seems to be busy, he could be moving on or trying to punish you. it's immature and controlling and dramatic. he'll tell you it's your fault. he'll tell you that because you gave up on the relationship and starting dating again, that you owe it to him. and it's all bulls*it!!! i can sit here and try to tell you all these things that seems obvious, but my opinion doesn't matter. you need to be real with yourself.
how do you want your life to be? you want happiness, right? well, has this guy ever brought you happiness without guilt or baggage or abuse? be honest with yourself and hopefully, you will figure out what the best decision is for you and your daughter. right now, it shouldn't be all about trying to figure out how to make this guy stay with you... that route seems too unsteady and unpredictable. instead of focusing on finding an apartment for you all to live in, find a way to get this guy out of your life. he's denying your daughter- what a creep! you don't need that and if you want that- ask yourself why? don't you feel like you deserve better? because you do, and so does your daughter. protect her from this loser.
IMO, I think you should find a way to move on from this guy. And it's really true that most of the time when they're accusing you of cheating...they're cheating themselves. You don't need that! I understand that you love him very much. I get that. I loved my BD very much, but he didn't love me the same way. He also denied this baby...typical. You BD, like many, is insecure and he need to heal himself and his mind before he can bring anything good to you or your baby. Stay strong Mama. You and your baby deserve the best things out of life.
pm me if you wanna talk.
Im just gonna be blunt here. Hes a loser and he doesnt deserve you. My bd is the same way as yoursand let me tell you it doesnt change. It will never change. Thereis nothing you can do to make him be a good partner, dad, etc. Leave nowmama before the slapping turns into full on beating. It only gets worse never better. You can do it on your own many of us mama's do it. but dont let this asshole sit around and accuse you of cheating and have nerve to deny your daughter. He is what I call a controller just like j's dad. he is trying to break you down so you feel like you need him which in your post you said you couldnt live without him...thats his goal to break you down so much that you dont know who you are anymore and then he can control everyaspect of you. He will treat you like shit untill you beleive that you are shit and then mama let me tell you it will be too late. I have been there just now 2 yrs later i am strting to discover who I am again. when bd left me....yes he left me because i didnt have the guts to leave him, I lost everything and had no idea what to do with myself. I slowly gained my sense of self back but still sometimes doubt myself because of the "brainwashing" he did to me. I am not the same person I use to be because I let him take it too far. dont let him take it that far mama get out now.
As I am sitting here reading this, I am seeing so many red flags! If he was part of a counselling program, try contacting the Partner Check Coordinator. Talk to them about this and they may be able to help.
IMO, DONT move in with him. You said you have a little girl, well do you want her to grow up thinking its ok to be slapped around? that if her future boyfriend/husband can do that to her? I don't want to hurt you by being blunt but, he DOESNT love you. When you love someone, you dont EVER punch, kick, slap, push, throw things at them. If he loved you, he would see he is hurting you and he wouldn't do it.
You are strong, you are brave, you CAN live without him. You deserve better and so does your daughter. What happens when she gets a bit older and pisses him off?? Do you see what I mean?
If you cannot go to your parents, find a local battered woman's shelter.. There are support systems set up out there for these situations..
If you need anything, feel free to PM me.
Nicole
I really think you need to get out of this relationship. BD sounds dangerous for you and your child who is not even one year old. If your family is around you should talk to them about the way BD is treating you and get help moving on.