i have trichtotillomania, and lately its been getting really bad. i first started hair pulling in high school, but it went fairly unnoticed to every besides my hairsylist, who just chalked it up to random breakage every once in a while. now, its to the point where people are starting to notice because i have actually began doing it in public, and there's always the questions:
why do you do that to yourself?
why dont do you just stop?
what's your problem???
and the thing is, i dont have answers to any of these questions really. i started pulling my hair when i realized that i didnt agree with the way my mom was raising me, when i felt like i didnt fit in, when i started disagreeing with organized religion, and when i just started to get really depressed. it's like when things happen to me, i dont know how to handle them, and i just start pulling. it could be something small like being really sleepy but needing to tend to the baby to something big like not knowing if i'm gonna be able to buy food to eat for the next week. i just wish i knew of another way to handle my problems. i'm always hearing that i should talk to someone about my problems, especially since i was sexually abused for about a year by a relative when i was younger, but i just feel like talking doesnt help. i didnt even tell anyone about the molestation incident until about 9 years after it happened, and that was only because i was pregnant and had threatened to take my own life. once i told people, i immediately wished i hadnt because instead of comforting me everyone started focusing on my relative and how to make him pay which i totally didnt care about.
anyway tho, the hair pulling is becoming extremely excessive, and i know that it has to be terribly unhealthy. i want help. but i feel like i have tried everything. i have been to two psychologists, and i even checked myself into a mental institution once where i was diagnosed with PTSD and bi-polar disorder. sometimes i just want to scream.
what should i do? is there any help out there?