I know that no one will take as good care of my baby as I will. I also don't pay my babysitter much - she's a friend, so she's willing to do that, because it's all we can afford.
I'm not really comfortable with my childcare arrangement. It's hard leaving my child crying with someone else. It's worse when I don't think she's getting as good of care as she deserves.
Things that bother me:
1. The babysitter rarely changes her diaper. I'm talking about once in the six and a half hours I leave her, when my baby wears cloth.
2. She has other people watch my baby; my baby really is having a hard time dealing with the separation from me, and I think that by having rotating caregivers, it's makng that that much worse.
3. It's not an issue now, but the reason I chose using a babysitter (rather than daycare, besides the cost, is that I wanted one long-term caregiver) is that I really want to do gentle disciple and am attracted to the Unconditional Parenting philosophy. The babysitter has another nannying job. She complains about the mother not willing to use harsh enough punishment. Since the babysitter won't follow my directions on diapering my kid, I'm worried about her not following my discipline directions in the future.
On top of that T won't eat there (which is not the babysitter's fault at all, of course, it's just something that makes it that much harder), I feel REALLY bad about leaving her. I just don't know what the likelihood is that I could find a better caregiver, and I don't want to go through a bunch of them, because T really needs to form an attachment with someone to make staying with someone else easier for her. I'm particularly limited to what caretakers will take very little money (I pay less than half the lowest rate I see in ads for babysitters.)
Should I try and change? Should I lower my standards?