Saying hello

Thanks for the warm welcome! I AM busy! I appreciate someone noticing!
Well, BBH is bio behavioral health and HDFS is Health and hum and development studies. I hope to get an MSW with an emphasis in women's and urban studies. But that is far off.
The reason why I am in hiatus from midwifery is complicated and actually really shitty, but really is for the best. My preceptor and midwife refused to see me for prenatals with my seconds pregnancy until I went to the emergency room at 29 weeks because I was peeing blood(while visiting family- it sucked). They couldn't find anything wrong (it turned out I had *huge* kidney stones blocking my uriters that were actually doing damage to my kidneys). When I got home, she finally saw me and I had high blood pressure, she thought the baby felt small(as did the ER docs- they thought my dates were off...which they were) and when I peed on the sticks (to test for blood,bacteria,protein, glucose,etc), I was basically peeing out pure sugar,protein and blood. So she sent me to her back up CNM to get checked out. I went and my pee was fine, blood pressure was fine (my preceptor was a pretty emotionally abusive person, but I love midwifery so much I tuck with her, but it's no wonder my blood pressure was always high around that woman), she said the baby felt fine and was probably going to be big (my first was 9lb 1oz, so this was no surprise). She said I should have bllod work and an ultrasound though anyway and I said fine. My blood work came back showing I had gestational diabetes( I was tested quite fairly- no glucola, just a big meal) and the ulttrasound showed the baby as measuring over 4 weeks bigger. We shrugged that off as ultrasounds inaccuracy for measurement after about 13 weeks. However, despite the back CNM begging her to have me AT LEAST monitor my blood sugar, the midwife refused and said there was no such thing as gestational diabetes. SO, I grow and grow and grow. I mean...I was *HUGE*. I am still dumping sugar into my urine. At what we think is 41 weeks, the midwife suggests I try to induce because I am so big. So I get my membranes stripped twice, I do herbs, I have sex, I do everything. Finally, at nearly 42 weeks, I go into labor. It's 4 hours long(homebirth), I start pushing out the baby his head comes out...but not the shoulders. This is called a shoulder dystocia and it's every Dr, midwife's biggest fear. So, I flip positions 5 times (from on birth stool to hands and knees, to my back, to hands and knees and then finally back on my back) with this giant head out of me and she just cannot get this baby out. I am kind of freaking out and I hear her say "I am going to have to do it" I was pretty out of it, so I didn't hear what came next, but she broke the baby's arm. This is something that is sometimes done with shoulder dystocias. So, she breaks his arm while I'm on my hands and knees for the second time and has me get back on my back. Finally, the baby goes limp and she says "Ok here it comes" I am like...on another planet by now, just looking into space. I kind of glance at the baby for a second. The baby needs to be resucitated with an ambubag and he gets some homeopathy and then finally some blow-by oxygen. Then I look over, see it's a boy and am very happy. He starts crying. We do the newborn exam and this child is 13lbs!!! He was just so covered in fat. And he was actually only about 38 weeks gestation. The midwife STILL wont admit I had gestational diabetes and says "Oh you must have type 2 diabetes". I do not. However it took me almost a year to get over the effects on my blood sugar from uncontrolled gestational diabetes.
WELL, with situations like this you have to take the baby to the pediatrician. I did the day after he was born. I KNEW CYS (PA's name for child protective services) would show up. I KNEW the Dr's office would HAVE to call- I mean, it was a 1 day old baby born at home coming in with a broken arm. I asked the midwife "What should I say if they show up?" And she said "They wont, they wont" Well, Judah (the baby) was born on a Mon, went to the ped on Tues and CYS showed up at my door on Thurs. I tried calling and calling the midwife to see what to tell them. She never picked up. They promised me they just wanted to make sure the baby wasn't abused, make sure he was seeing a DR and make sure the birth was attended. I make them promise they wont go after the midwife (CYS doesn't go after midwives). I reall yhave no choice and if I don't give them her name and number, I could lose my children and she could get in a lot of trouble. Well, they get her phone number and leave. She calls right as they are leaving and FLIPS out on me. She screams at me, breates me, my mother takes the phone and she flips out on HER. It's horrible. Really, really bad.
So, I am freaking out, convinced I've sentenced her to prison or something. We call lawyers we know and Drs and they all assure us CYS wants no part in prosecuting midwives. They just want to make sure the baby is ok. I try to tell her this, she wont listen. After two days, CYS talks with her. They call me, say the case will be totally dropped once I report back that Judah has had a follow up visit. I do not see or hear from the midwife again. I receive NO postpartum care. Finally, at 5 weeks, I see her so she can give the baby an oseopathic adjustment (his head was seriously squished and it caused him a lot of pain for his first 5-6 weeks of life). And then that's it. She asked me to do some midwifery favors for her (which I did because I love midwifery- like I said), but would never receive a thank you or anything afterwards.
So, it's been almost 2 years. It still hurts. And I miss midwifery So much. I worked my ass off to get 1/2 way through my certification. And now...all that work is nothing. So, I'm at school and really really love it. I have a friend who always is begging me to apprentice with her. But I WANT a degree. And I don't have the time or the resources to drop everything for a birth now with two children. So, when I graduate and go to grad school, I'll get my CPM( credential for homebirth midwives) with my friend. But I keep it in my life. I attend events, I'm presenting a project on midwifery for one of my women's studies classes tomorrow and speaking to a class about my professional experience and my births as well.
Oh, and Judah's arm is totally fine. 3 weeks to the day after his birth I removed his little make shift sling and he moved the arm all around. He's been through a lot- the arm thing, his poor squished head, he and I were hit by a truck while we were walking ON A SIDEWALK when he was 8 months old, he had lead poisoning. He's very vibrant and bright and smart. And he's a huge diva, but who wouldn't be after having arguably the worst 1st year ever.
Sorry that was so long and complicated, but thus is my life. It's very confusing, I'm sure, but if you were able to follow...thanks. :)