*putting a trigger in here because I know not all the girls on here have BD in their lives or a DH...so I wanted to warn them so they didn't have to read if it makes them feel uncomfortable.*
Today was my last day of summer school. I was feeling great about myself because my teacher told me I had a great head on my shoulders and he hoped that I kept up with the good work. I come home to see my mom still here when she should have been at work. I walk in and my mom starts to cry.
Mom:"Kristy...I have an interview in 15 minutes and you had my car keys."
Me:"Mom, I'm so sorry! Why didn't you have Channing ride his bike down to the school to get them from me?" (We live 2 minutes away from the school)
Mom:"I know know if Channing hates me or not. I don't even know if he wants to live here."
Me:"What do you mean?"
Mom"I asked him to right after you left, at 8, if he could ride his bike down there. He just sighed and shook his head no."
Me:"...Why?"
Mom:"He was on the computer. I asked him what time he had to go to work and he said "Nine."
----
There was a little more to the convo, but that's the main point. I'm so frusterated anymore. When he gets home from the work the first the does is get on the computer. When I want to do something, he's like "oh let me check my game first". At night, before we go to be he just has to get on-line to check his stupid on-line games. He grumbles about giving my mom money for our food and such, even though he's making big bucks. My mother makes him his lunch every morning, but I don't think that he's once thanked her. We never do anything that I would like to do anymore. It's always his way. For once I would like a day to be pampared. Or told that I was beautiful. Or for him to respect my family.
He never used to be like this...not until he started playing games on-line. It's become his whole life.
I can't believe that he wouldn't get off his ass to go and get the keys from me. He could have been there and back in 5 minutes. But no. My mom needs this job...he could have got up and did it. We only have $53 dollars for the rest of this month...and today is only the 3rd.
I'm so sorry to rant and rave like this. I understand that being married is a privlege...but times like this I wish I wasn't.
what games is he playing my so plays shadowbane right now, but he used to be addicted to everquest, which is commonly referred to as evercrack,
video games can be addicting and there are physchologist that specialize in video game addictions.
Maybe if you just sit down and talk to him, tell him your worried he is addicted, show him how much time he spends on the computer, maybe he just doesn't realize?
I would be upset too.... let me know if you want to talk. ok?
Hey girl I know just how you feel. When I started dating my husband he was really very attentative then when we moved in together I realized just how much time he spent on the computer. I had to beg him to get offline so we could do anything together, including sitting down to eat...I spent two months wondering if he knew where the dinner table was. Finally I told him he needed to start paying more attention to me and that he made me feel neglected. I know it sound like a guilt trip but I totally felt like he was a guilty party. It took a while to ween him off of the keyboard-mouse-monitor routine but now we spend a lot more time together and that's good for us and the baby. Try talking to him as calmly as you can. Be straight with him about how it makes you feel. Good luck!
See...the thing is he knows that he's addicted.
He used to play Everquest...he would play for maybe 20+ hours STRAIGHT on the weekends. On school nights he would only get 2 hours of sleep. And he started to skip school to "level up".
He finally quit playing EQ after I got pregnant.
He is now playing games called Dystopia and Ambar. It started out small and everything. I wasn't upset at all at first. I thought, "He's had a long day at work, he can cool off." But becoming disrepectful is crossing the line you know?
I am for sure going to talk to him tonight. It's not acceptable.
Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone in the situation. You guys really helped me out.
Video games are addictive, I should know. I've been addicted to them ever since I got online, and the only reason I don't jump online and play them is the fact that I have children. I used to get online the minute they fell asleep and stay on till five in the morning. The only thing that kept me awake was lots and lots of coffee. When Shawn was off work, he'd take care of the kids and I'd get on. I never wanted to do anything with him, because it would interfere with my gaming. He would want us to play Monopoly, or watch a movie he rented together, and I'd be like "Not now. I'm playing a game..."
Well, I stopped... I can't believe I'm going to admit this here, but one day after staying awake all night, I accidentally fell asleep while my kids were awake and they got into everything. Luckily, my house is baby-proofed and they didn't get hurt, but I kept thinking about the what-if?
I can't say that its harder to quit games than other things, but its still pretty hard. While reading this threat, I was like "Oooh! Everquest! Never heard of that one. Shadowbane! Gotta look that one up too!"
I do still play my PS and Xbox though, every once in a while. But only during naptimes, because, unfortunately, the games I find entertaining are a little too violent for my kids to watch. And I would probably give my right arm to get ahold of an old Super Nintendo...
But, yeah, coming from an ex-game addict, talk to him. He may not even know he's addicted. I didn't. He may be defensive at first, but don't let up.
BD and I both play online games, right now we play World of Warcraft. BD likes to play from the second he gets home until he goes to sleep. I always ask him to come lay in bed and watch TV with me, or help me cook dinner just so I can get him away from the computer. Whenever I interrupt his game time, he gets really irritated and tells me "I just started!" and then 3 hours later I'll ask if we can spend time together and he says "I'm doing a quest, it's almost done, I just need x more items". So maybe after 2 more hours I'll get him off the computer to watch TV with me, and what does he do? He goes straight to sleep.
It's come to the point where nothing else is entertaining enough to keep him awake besides the computer. The only way I could spend time with him is if we played together, but neither of us has our own World of Warcraft account, instead we share a friends, so there's no way we can play at the same time.
In my situation, there is nothing I can really say or do to make him change. He tells me that he needs his "me" time and games are the only way for him to unwind and get his mind off work and other things. If he doesn't get to play, he's really edgy and snappy. So even when I do beg him to finally get off the computer, he's always pissed, so sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it.
Sometimes it doesn't even seem like he's my boyfriend. He's just a guy that lives in my house, makes the money, and has sex with me. He spends less than an hour a day giving Jayden and I his undivided attention.
i dated a guy for 4 years who played everquest - it caused many a fight.
jeremy plays civilisation which isnt as bad because its not online but still very time consuming and "finishing" his turn can take 30 minutes.
its possible that hes playing to keep his mind off of the upcoming baby. i really think that guys are reminded of it as often as gals are because we are constantly reminded that we are pregnant. some guys - sweet as they are - need to hold on to un-parenthood for as long as they can.
the best thing to do is to have an honest open discussion about what you need, what the family needs and how things are going to be different once the kidlet arrives. he probably "knows" this but the reality hasnt really sunk in yet. address the fact that you feel disrespected and ignored. that you need an active partner and not just a "boyfriend."
thats supposed to be "guys arent"
I know that you got lots of advice on this but i just wanted to know how things are going for ya hunny?
Wow. That is all I can say to this thread. I didnt know that there were such games on the internet that are so addictive like that.
I remember reading in the newspaper about a kid who committed suicide after he lost a quest or something like that. That is crazy.
Your husband needs help. He is addicted to his games, and it is going to ruin his marriage if he dosent do something about it soon.
How's it going??
Better. When he came home *before* he had the chance to get online I told him that we needed to talk. I told him that he was disrespectful to my mom and that he needed to cut his on-line gaming back because he is always on. At first he was very defensive and tried the whole "Well you're always on that girlmom thing during the day, blah blah blah." My response to that was simple and truthful. "Yes, babe, I admit I am. But when there is work to be done, I do it. I am not on while you are home." Then he laid on the floor and cried a bit. (he's an uber sensitive guy). Then he crawled on the couch with me and together we watched my tummy get kicked. (silly Kade-fetus).
I watched to watch "strong medicine" on lifetime (or it is oxygen?...can't remember...) so he actually asked if he could go on the internet first. I was floored! He went on to check his games, then looked at suvs on vehix.com because he knows that I feel unsafe in my mazda. (like a 86 626...a tin wagon). Then he got off and spent some more time with me. Now he's watching his show and I asked him if I could go online for bit.
Hopefully this will continue. I know I can't take away his "winding down" toy after work, but I can limit the use of it.
Thank you everyone for your concern and helpful insight. It meant a ton to me.
""Well you're always on that girlmom thing during the day, blah blah blah." "
even if you were on girlmom all day, which i doubt you are, i don't think it would be equivalent to playing computer games all day. games are fun and all, and can make you feel good when you win, but you are coming to girlmom to find community with other young pregnant/parenting women, to get advice and hear other people's experiences,and read up on things that will prepare you for caring for your baby and achieving your goals. any male partner worth their salt should WANT the mother of their child at girlmom!
i'm glad things are going well for now, and i hope they stay that way. good for you for approaching him. the dorky social worker in me will say that maybe, if you think he is avoiding his fears about parenthood by playing games, you guys could go somewhere quiet and chill and talk about that, or he could write in a journal. the things i wrote about my fears while i was pregnant are some of my favorite things from that time period. and you can tell him that you learned on girlmom that that fear is totally normal, and the vast majority of us had it. it generally just shows that you really want to do right by your child.
anyway, best of luck, xo
(kpharis, your comment about the Super Nintendo made me laugh. i was talking to my babydaddy the other day and asking him if he'd let me have his extra Sega, so i could play sonic the hedgehog, and he acted like i'd asked him for a testicle or something. he started going on about how he has his "show" systems and his "play" systems, meaning that he wants two of every one so that he can play one and store the other. he has every game system i can recall from my youth, plus all the ones that have come out since then, and some i haven't heard of. just a little obsessed i'd say..)