mixed emotions *maybe a trigger?*

Tonight I was watching the show Dr 90210 on E! I know I know a plastic surgery show but this thread is NOT to debate cosmetic surgery. There was a teen mom on who was getting a tummy tuck. Her baby was over 10lbs and due to her small petite frame she had excessive skin that was impossible to work off. I mean it was clear the only way for her to get rid of this excessive skin was to have it cut and tucked. Her body was a special case. She brought belly pics in to show her plastic surgeon how large she actually stretched while pregnant. He made comments like “see this is what kids do to you all because of that baby” and “this is enough contraceptive info just show this picture and kids won't want to get pregnant”. It was as if he was saying that pregnant women were not beautiful, pregnant bellies are ugly and that if your baby stretches your belly that your body is “ruined”. His comment about her pregnancy pics should be used as contraceptive threats to young kids was just disgusting. Why does society have so many issues with pregnant women loving their pregnant bodies?

I'll admit when I was pregnant the first time I felt really bad about my growing stomach. I wore loose t-shirts and pants to try to hide it. I felt that way because of the negative image that our society has projected upon being pregnant. For so long there were no form-fitting maternity clothes. I mean when you think about it for so long all clothes were designed to camouflage the growing bellies. I was afraid to learn about breastfeeding because the impression I got, what I had heard, was so sexualized, weird, dirty if you wish, and looked down upon. I worried what if my baby is hungry and I am out somewhere? How can I feed it in public? When I look back on my first pregnancy I am honestly ashamed that I was so naïve and afraid to learn about breastfeeding and learn to accept my changing body. I came to GM and I learned so so so much. My entire outlook on pregnancy and being a woman changed. I learned that my body will never be “perfect”. I learned that I am not alone in my insecurities about my post-pregnancy body. Stretch marks are okay they aren't some evil curse. I learned that breastfeeding is the most natural thing a woman can do. It's a GIFT to be able to breastfeed. The female body can produce milk for her baby why is that anything but normal and beautiful? I'm sad that I never took belly pics from my first pregnancy. I secretly would stand in all different angles and stare at it in the mirror trying to burn the image into my mind because I was too embarrassed to ask anyone to take pictures of it for me. I tried a few times myself but they all came out crooked or basically floor shots. My second pregnancy was totally different than my first. I loved my body. I bought tons and tons of maternity clothes that were stylish and form-fitting that accented my belly instead of hiding it. Hell, I even wore shirts that weren't maternity so what if they were tight? I was proud to be pregnant. I was proud when someone asked me was I going to breastfeed to be able to say “yes, I plan on it, and even plan to self-wean”. I have always been interested in design and fashion. I have always sketched designs out as a hobby,. I got motivation again to do that, only this time I sketched out fashionable maternity clothes geared towards young mothers. I started writing down my thoughts of how I was learning to be empowered by pregnancy. I had all these plans for Niko and I once he was born. He is 5 months old now and though I am learning to love my body, I still feel horrible that I can't breastfeed. Yes, that's right, I have tried EVERYTHING. He will not latch on, I have supply problems also. I tried everything and I know all the herbs and such to take to try to boost supply but I just couldn't afford them…so afterall I had to formula feed. I feel as though my body has failed me. I know this whole entire post is totally random and I don't even know how I expect people to respond because I'm sure when reading this its going to be all over the place but watching that show tonight just sparked so many feelings and emotions for me. It reminded me how I felt during my first pregnancy and how I had all these expectations for my second pregnancy that weren't all fulfilled. I'm sorry if I confused anyone and if you made it this far thanks for reading.
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