On the old boards, we had a sticky of what we wished we knew about abortions, adoptions, pregnancy, labor, delivery, care of newborns, etc and no one every told us. So this thread is to say what you wished that YOU knew in hopes we can help people who are in the same situations that we once were.
*Pregnancy*
Heartburn. I never knew how much heartburn you have during pregnancy. Tums and mylata became my best friends.
Headaches. I got really bad headaches. I was so happy when I found out that I could take medicine for it. Just make sure to ask your doctor if its okay.
Loss of bladder control. I had no idea that just a simple act like sneeze could cause me to pee a little. Or that throwing up could cause me to fully empty my bladder.
Backaches. These were so painful. I really wish I knew all the ways to get rid of it. Such as placing a hot water bottle behind your back while sitting in a chair and rocking back and forth. Also having a bunch of body pillows around you make sleeping much more comfortable.
*Labor and Delivery*
Choices. I realized now that while my doctor kept me informed of my choices, the on call doctors did not nor did the nurse.
Epidural. I thought that getting an epidural would get rid of all my pain. However, my epidural got rid of some of it...but I was still in a lot of pain.
*Recovering*
Again, my choices. I did not know that I could over ride a doctor's orders until I ask my mother in law (who is the charge nurse there). My veins were collapsing (I have horridly tiny veins) so I demanded that they removed my i.v. on the second night there. I was in so much pain. I cried so hard with my i.v. and I didn't cry at all during my labor.
*Once At Home*
I never realized how hard it would be actually be by yourself. Make sure you have someone to call, or write to, when you get frusterated.
I'm sure there is more, but I want others to add to this list. And perhaps we could get a sticky?
*once at home*
Make sure you have someone that can help you once and a while
Make sure that when you feel like SCREAMING put your baby down and walk away!(I have screamed in Andrews face because I was so tired of him crying for NO reason, I wish I had just walked away..also you are not a bad mom if it happens once and a while...we all break down).
*Pregnancy*
~i wish id known about rib pain. He had his little feet jammed in my ribcage the last 3 months of my pregnancy
~i wish I would've taken more pictures
~I wish someone wouldve told me about the crazy hormonal changes that made my hair frizzy, my nails break and my face break out.
*Labor and Delivery*
~Water Breaking. Who knew there was so much? Once the initial breaking, and the waterfall that came out, i think I leaked enough to soak up at least 3 pads in the hospital waiting room, and then leaked small amounts right until I started to push.
~I wish someone wouldve told me that an Epidural doesnt take away pressure. It took away the pain just fine, but while waiting for the DR to get there, I had the intense urge to push, and the pressure from it made me cry.
*recovering*
~I wish I woulda know I was gonna bleed so damn much. No one told me that it would go away and come back so many times.
*once at home*
~I wish i woulda had some help. It wasnt hard persay, but I was so tired, not to mention emotionally and physically drained.
*once at home*
I was also extremely exhausted once I was home. My daughter didn't go to sleep until 6am that night and I was so frustrated and so exhausted... so make sure you get as much sleep as you can. I also read in aparenting article that the first year of parenting you lose 1000 hours of sleep! That's about what, 3 a night!
*Pregnancy* ENJOY IT!!!! I spent half my pregnancy worrying and I didnt get enough time to enjoy being pregnant. And..Stretch marks are beautiful!
*Labor and Delivery* Be aware of your choices! Epidurals do not get rid of ALL the pain.
*Recovering* TRY to rest as much as you can. When the babys sleeping..you sleep too! You need the rest.
*Abortion* You may feel some PPD after, and you may not. Its okay to NOT be upset about ending an unwanted pregnancy and its also okay TO be upset.
Steph, you reminded me of another one.
*keeping the pregnancy going*
It's OKAY to feel excited about becoming a parent. Don't let other people put you down and tell that you are wrong about being excited.
But on the flipside, its OKAY to be upset about becoming a parent. It's human nature to have those emotions.
PREGNANCY:
you will get so big you cant see your cunt, no joke.
sleeping is horrible, get lots of pillows.
CHILDBIRTH:
a support person is really important, i didnt even want to LOOK at BD,
my mom petted my hair and made it sooo much better.
Natural childbirth isnt that bad, smack me for saying it if you want but i dont see what all the hype was.
After giving birth you might thnk you want to hold your baby and have that ahhh boding moment,
I wanted to eat and sleep.
Do both you wont get much chance latter.
POSTPARTUM:If you have a episiotomy, or are just sore use that squirt bottle, thiny they give you at the hosptital, it really helps to squirt warm water while you are urinating to reduce the stinging.
You will smell...umm differnt, after you give birth, the blood smells differnt than menstral blood, very distinct, the discharge also.
I swelled up right after i gave birth
Also,
Those giant pads they give you at the hospital that you think look ridiculous? take all of them, you will need them.
THE FIRST TWO MONTHS:
your child will sleep, eat, poop and repeat in two hours cycles, you will exist in that cycle. Get a sling, wear kiddo and take a walk, it is really insolating having a newborn. It gets better, just wait till they smile at you.
Bonding takes time, dont stress about it.
my two-cents
~ash
breastfeeding, while normal and natural, does not come easy to all mamas and babies. pain is a sign that something is wrong. it's okay to ask for help: get in touch with a lactation consultant, la leche league, or other breastfeeding mamas. you CAN work through the problems and go on to have a wonderful nursing relationship.
Pregnancy:
-I wish someone had told me changing my lifestyle would cause me to lose a lot of friends.
-I wish someone had told me morning sickness was not just in the morning.
-I wish someone had told me how hard it would be to find petite maternity clothes
Labor:
-I wish someone could have expressed to me how much PAIN I would experience
-I wish I had known that I was NOT at higher risk for being young (I was actually at lower risk, but I didn't know so I was afraid to have my first baby at home)
Afterbirth:
-I wish I had known about delivering the placenta. I thought I was done!
-I wish I had been more prepared to deal with hemmoraging
After care:
-I wish I had been told to make myself pee. I forgot to pee for days, and got a nasty infection because I was so caught up in taking care of my baby.
-I wish I had known my uterus would contract every time I breast fed. It HURT.
-I wish I had known about meconium!
PREGNANCY:
- I wish I knew that you shouldn't belly bump people. I thought I was being cute and funny and nicely bumped SO (you know how guys run at each other and hit bellies, kind of like that but more gentle) and I went into labor 3 hours later. :oops: Don't know if they're related or not, but I cried forever about it because I thought doing is what caused it.
- I wish I knew to start buying cheap maternity clothes before you even start to show. I popped out at 7 months, but didn't have enough money to buy a whole new wardrobe at once. Buy bits and pieces when you can afford them, to gear up for when you're going to need them.
- I wish I knew to enjoy it. Enjoy sleeping. I always stayed up late, and spent a lot of time on the go and I worked up until the week I gave birth, and regretted it because after that, I had NO time to myself.
CHILDBIRTH:
- I wish I had gotten a picture with Trey right when he was born. For some reason, doing so slipped all of our minds. I have pictures of him separately after birth, and me seperately after birth, and it really upsets me that I don't have one of us together.
- I wish I hade made use of the techniques the nurses offered to ease the pain, such as showering, switching positions, that little exercise ball or whatever. I was too scared of looking funny bent over a ball, that I allowed myself to just lay in pain and not do anything to try and prevent it.
- I'm GLAD I knew about the fact that you're in control of your own birth and shouldn't be pressured into anything from friends or doctors. It allowed me to be firm in my drug plan, my refusal of an episiotomy, and who I wanted in the room.
- I wish I hadn't tried to drink coffee on the way to the hospital. I was dead tired (due to staying up really late the night before, which goes back to the RELAX AND SLEEP TONS WHILE YOU CAN part), but the coffee made my stomach all acidic during labor that I ended up having to throw up all over into those kidney shaped.. pee.. cans.. or whatever they're called.
- I wish I had brought my own pads to the hospital instead of using those monster size uncomfortable ones they give you.
- I wish I had known I could have had someone stay the first night with me. I didn't know I was allowed guests, and SO went home for the night. It was hell, and I didn't get a lick of sleep after staying awake giving birth for so long, I was exhausted and not getting any help at all because I didn't think I was allowed guests, until I saw the other new parents walking around and each woman had a support person helping her through the first night.
POSTPARTUM:
- I don't know what I did wrong, but I'll echo the words of someone else, USE THE SQUIRT BOTTLES. I used them, but I guess not as much as I should have, and got a BAD uterus infection that week, to the point where I couldn't walk.
- I wish I had known that although cramping was normal, huge and painful amounts of cramping wasn't and could be a signal of a uterus infection.
- I wish I had bought a hemorroid pillow beforehand. Seriously. I couldn't sit because of the stitches, and that would have been heaven to have.
- I wish I had listened to women when they told me the ever so cliche'd "sleep when the baby is sleeping". I went through the first few weeks, trying to keep somewhat of a life and getting things done while he was sleeping, instead of sleeping all day myself, and I got way too sleep-deprived.
THE FIRST YEAR:
Honestly.. I wish I had taken more pictures. It would have taken very little effort to get more pictures, and now I don't have many and it upsets me because I'll never get that first year back.
Memorandum:
The placenta comes out and THEN it stops hurting,
Great sweet relief, almost orgasmic.
take pictues of your pregnant figure
your newborn, their fingers , toes, them nursing. its goes fast.
What I wish I knew about my pregnancy?
I wish I knew that I would feel naucious for about 3 months, everyday with heartburn thats as constant as my nausea. I wish I knew that I would cry at any moment for no apparent reason. I wish I knew that I would be cranky, and crave food at the same time i'm feeling sick.
Sorry to sound like a sour puss but i'm still in my first trimester feeling everything you could possibly feel while being pregnant, while caring for my first born who is two, so its not like I get a lot of rest. I just had to get that off my chest, I feel a little better. I'm sure i'll feel better soon, I hope :cry:
i wish i would of packed maternity clothes, or something other than the jeans i wore before i got pregnant, imagine my surprise and shock when i couldnt get them on.
pack lightly, i had books, magazine, and all kinds of crap, i never even had time to touch my bag till it was time to go home
take everything possible out of your room and home with you. all the pads, squirt bottles, recieving blankets, tucks like pads. you will end up paying for it anyways (or your insurance will), so it is yours
dont feel like you have to say yes to visitors the first few weeks, you need the time for rest, and taking care of baby. of course, if you want visitors go all out, but if you would rather just hang in bed with your baby, just say no
i had no idea that iwas goingto bleed so much for the first couple of week, no one every told me about that.
breast feeding IS really hard for some of us, i wish someone would of told me that they just dont always latch on perfectly, and that it would take work. i gave up soooo easily, when it would of been easier in the end to work at it.
*Pregnancy*
Leg cramps: Eat TONS of potassium (can be found in bananas, mangos, etc.) When one hits (usually at night while you're peacefully sleeping) force your leg to stretch all the way out and push your foot out like you were tiptoeing (not like you're standing on the tips of your toes, but on the ball of your foot). Stretch out, relax, stretch out, relax until the cramps go away.
About the fourth and fifth month: The ligaments are stretching. If you stand up, or walk a lot, it hurts, this is normal.
Hormones: They made me go into a sever depressive cycle. I wish I had been more aware that they were going to do that.
Morning sickness: ginger is the key. Ginger snaps, raw ginger, and for some reason grahm crackers. Also, it's worse when your stomachs empty. Before you even sit up in the morning, try and eat a few saltine crackers.
*Labor and Delivery*
Choices: Word to those who have said this. Do research BEFORE you go into delivery (I didn't attend any birthing classes or anything and had no idea about what to do).
If you don't want someone in the delivery room, you have EVERY RIGHT to tell them to get out. Now is not the time to be worrying about their feelings. Most people will forgive you, and if not (shrugs).
ALL modisty flies out the window.
*recovering*
Give yourself time.
*once at home*
Call your friends and see if you can have people come over and do cooking and cleaning for you for the first few weeks.
Sleep when the baby does, it make everything so much easyer.
Find people who will liston to you tell your story over and over and over, because you'll probably want to talk about it a lot.
Make sure you get some "you time". Even if you have someone come and hang out w/the baby for 20 minits. Give yourself your space, get out of the house every once in a while.
It's ok to cry.
It's ok to go through tons of emotions, and be flip floppy on how you're feeling (it's always ok to do this, anyway) -- you have some hard-core hormones running through you.
Give yourself time to heal. You just gave birth to something fairly heavy that you have been carrying around and growing for the past 9 months. You need to be able to recover.
if you have a c-section it hurts like hell to walk after, or sneeze, or cough, or laugh for that matter.
also, you probably wont be able to bend over to pull up your underwear after you go to the bathroom the first few days.
once home
keep everything you will need for u and the baby within reach, diapers, wipes, water, extra clothes, nursing pads if needed. because its a pain to get up all the time when your incision hurts.
if your breastfeeding get a boppy or other type of nursing pillow!
In general - Omega 3 & 6 oil suppliments are a great idea (for depression, anxiety, mental function and even skin conditions) and are pregnancy & breastfeeding safe.
Dealing with care providers - You are not a patient. Pregnancy & birth are healthy normal processes. You have the right to ask questions, get a second opinion. Procedures (such as tests, drugs, etc) should only go ahead with your fully informed consent. If you are unsure don't be afraid to talk it over with some one you trust before deciding. Don't let them put you on the spot.
Internals are unnecessary.
From personal experience (in my studies, my childbirth experience and an old day job in clinical teaching) young mums may be targetted by students to 'get their numbers up' and can be seen as less likely to object.(As a student I prefer to gain experience ethically). You have the right to refuse student involvement, to ask if someone is a student. Don't listen to that crap about "this is a teaching hospital... patients obligations". I have a butchered perineum on account of an inexperienced student, you don't owe them anything.
However there are many nice ones out there too :wink: .
Being a young mum doesn't make you high risk. The negative outcomes accociated with age are class based. As in young mums are often poorer and thus have restricted access to adequate health care/lifestyle.
Pregnancy - Clumsiness may occur. I have a tendancy to spill drinks on myself. (found out recently this may be due to progesterone causes relaxation of smooth muscle, oh the joys of study)
Late pregnancy there may be couches that you know you cannot sit in, cause if you do you're stuck.
Play with your breasts when you're pregnant, express a little colostrum, familiarise yourself with how your new boobs work, it'll come in handy with breastfeeding.
You may end up sleeping with most of your pillows between your knees.
Birth - Pethidene (Stadol in North America I think, an opiate pain reliever) doesn't fucking work. It makes you a better quieter 'patient'. You're still screaming, just internally. It immobilises you.
Most women crap during birth, its normal, most likely you won't care at the time.
Postpartum - Afterpains feel like midstrength contractions, on the brightside they mean your uterus is getting back to its pre-preg size.
Don't expect to cope with everything well.
No one really does as such unless they are blessed with heaps of support/resources.
Time away is important, I wish that every mother would have access to this.
Don't fucking bother with cleaning, seriously.
If you have visitors try to brief them to make a fuss of your older kids first.
Bonding doesn't happen like the experts say it does, it can take more than a year, don't stress it. It can be hard to fall in love with someone who has devasted your body, lets you sleep no more than hour or two at a time and cannot communicate with you except to scream.
If you have a partner don't feel obliged to fuck them if you don't feel like it, you've got enough chores to do. If you're too tired to want sex maybe they need to take that as a hint to lighten your load domestically.
Echoing what someone else has said, your baby will not be emotionally damaged if it cries alone in a cot because you need to run out the room and yell your head off. I wish I done this more, the feeling that can build up if you don't is fucking scary.
Breastfeeding - you will be amazed at how far you will spray milk and how much you will leak when you least expect it.
If you find a blocked duct apply a hot pack/towel and express/feed from that side heaps (seek medical help if you get flu-y symptoms)
Above all it is your experience - nobody elses, know when to get people to butt out.
If you are lucky enough to have offers of help, please take them up, it doesn't make you a lazy mum.
You are stronger and tougher than you think.
[/b]
I forgot one::
Care of Newborn::
~Baby boys pee when the diaper comes off... They seem to aim for you. Make sure you have a clean diaper ready when your changing them, so you can mimimize the risk of becoming target practice.
You never quite know how evil vomit and nausea are until you get pregnant, I thought I would die.
Some lucky women don't puke though.
Also heartburn and the need to pee constantly and craving weird shit i'd never eaten before.
And I don't know if anyone else felt this but from like the first month I just felt full or something constantly like all hevay and full and fat.
if you have a c-sec holding a pilllow over your incision will help with walking. and using a pillow or boppy will make nursing much easier.
I thought the mesh type underware they give you in the hospital was much more comfy then any of my own so i took a bunch to wear till my incision healed a bit more.
*pregnancy*
~ "Morning sickness" can happen any time of day or night....it doesn't just happen in the morning.
~ Kegal (sp?) exercises DO help.
~ Walking help releave aches and pains....well for me anyways.
*Birth*
~ When you push, you push like you're going to the bathroom.
~ You more than likely will poop while pushing...it is ok. Don't try to hold it in.
~ Screaming or yelling while pushing just takes energy away from the pushing....hold it in and use it.
*post-partum*
~ Sleep when you get the chance....you'll have the next 18 yrs to hold and watch your baby while they sleep! *LOL*
*baby*
~ I totally agree w/ whoever said to take everything home w/ you that is offered. Blankets, diapers, creams, the huge monstrous pads, those mesh underwear, the squirt bottle....you never know what'll come in handy.
~ If you're told that baby may be getting jaundice and to keep them in the sunlight....do it. It isn't very much fun trying to get a naked newborn to sleep in a hard, bright, suitcase-looking tanning bed....otherwise known as phototherapy.
Pregnancy -
Morning sickness. I wish someone had warned me it lasted all day, not just in the morning, ick. And I wish I had had the brains to not eat pop-tarts. Thats chewwy stuff in the middle? It globs together in your stomach, and if you throw up while its completely undigested? You choke on it.
I wish I would have let myself cry when I found out. I had the nurse at my school do a test, and when it turned out positive, I held it all in. She asked me if I was okay, and a bunch of other questions, and I lied my butt off. I cried myself to sleep for like a week, and I wish I would have just cried the way I wanted to when I found out. It would have been okay.
Birth -
Screaming, and grunting, does take away from the energy. I spent almost half an hour grunting, and not really pushing, and the doctor was ready to call for a vaccum. When my mom told me to stop grunting, and push silently, it took less then ten minutes to get that baby out!
After Birth -
I wish I would have made my mom stick around. I mean until they put me in my room, it was really late, and no one had slept yet, and I let her leve after an hour or two. But I had an IV attached after giving birth, due to complications with bleeding, and that made taking a shower, and washing my hair on my own really hard! As it was, my best friend had to help me get dressed afterward.
Something I forgot
Pregnancy ~ I wish someone told me that I would feel like a BALUGA WHALE!!!
Well, I wish I would have known what "Hyperemesis" was! I had it for 7 months! (Basically that is throwing up like 20 times an hour 24 hours a day non stop!)
*After* I wish someone would have told me that not all women make Breastmilk easily. I have to take alot of stuff to make enough breastmilk! Not that I mind cause I love breastfeeding, but I just wish someone would have told me that it's not as easy as it looks. Especially the first few days when my nipple were cracked and bleeding!
Pregnancy
I wish i had known about the leg cramps i got. they were horrible. and how you will start to cry at the littlest things. i wish someone had told me that 17 year old boys have no idea about pregnant women and are not very patient either. and that everyone and their mama would have something to say to you. i also wish that someone had told me that you should expect to be pregnant after your due date.
Childbirth
I wish someone had told me about all the visitors in the hospital room that you really dont want there and also about those leg shakes you get after the baby is born. i also wish i had brought a pillow for the car ride home to sit on!
Post partum
I wish someone told me that no one would care about you anymore, just the baby. and that having a baby doesnt make bd love you more, and most of your friends stop coming around. i also wish that someone would have told me that ppd does eventually go away somewhat. I wish someone had told me to cherish the moments i had in the first few days when he was so tiny because now i miss them!
Pregnancy
-not only did i vomit all the time but i could smell everything (including the vomit) like 50X better!! even smells would make me puke
-prenatal vitamins can cause MAJOR constipation
-i wish i wouldn't have been soo nice to BD when he was such an ass to me
-i wish i would have known how emotional i would get- i cried for DAYS when my doctor told me he was moving... seriously days
-i wish i would have been more open about how i was feeling, instead of just saying "oh i am ding fine"
birth
-Epidural is my friend!!!
-labor really is WORK
-when u push... push like ur takin a shit!!
-a LOT of fluid comes out with and right after the baby!! i felt like a water fall!!
-don't be afraid if the doctor suggests the vacuum... it helps a lot!!
postpartum
-u can bleed for up to 6 weeks
-it hurts like HELL when ur milk comes in
-engorgement sucks ass
-postpartum depression can kick ur ass (it kicked mine)
newborn care
(i only have 48 hrs of experience of this)
-make sure they eat
-love them as much as u can!!
Pregnancy
I wish I had known about the morning sickness that lasted all the way until my 5th month, the leg cramps, shortness of breath, the emotional times I had, the mood wings, the waking up in the middle of the night because of baby moving, the back pain, the nasal congestion, headaches and dehydration..
Birth
I wish I would have known about the terrible back labor that I had, knew how strong contractions could get and how long they can last, how wonderful the epidural worked, that they waited until i was 8 cenimeters until they decided to give me a epidural and that when i pushed that i was going to have an 2nd degree tear and that it hurt like hell....the list goes on
Things I wish I knew...
Pregnancy:
~my labia would swell up like balloons (especially after sex!) I would have to ice that sucker after everytime I had sex.
Giving Birth:
~An epidural CAN take away ALL pain...I didn't feel a thing, but I wish I had. I feel like I don't really know what it's like to actually give birth! I couldn't feel if I had to pee. I couldn't feel anything below my waist. I couldn't feel any pressure. Nada!
~Giving birth really does make you poop!
After Delivery:
~Nurses would wake me up to check on me! How rude! All I wanted to do was sleep.
Oh, and I forgot...
My nose was stuffy until the day I gave birth!
i thought of some more:
PREGNANCY:
I wish some one would've told me that those were some of the last days that i would get to sleep in till 1:00.
I wish i didnt go out and buy maternity clothes the minute i started showing because none of them fit at the end of my pregnancy!
L&D:
Epidurals are NOT FOOLPROOF! Mine stopped working when I went into transition.
I wish I knew that transition is the worst part of labor and that once you start pushing it is not all downhill from there.
POSTPARTUM:
Im GLAD that i knew that breastfeeding gets way easier and that they will learn how to latch on eventually- eric is now a pro at it!
I wish I didnt spend so much money on newborn size diapers, 0-3 month clothes etc. because he was in them for maybe 2 weeks before he got too big.
Pregnancy:
I wish I knew how tired I was going to be all the time.
I wish I would have bought more maternity clothes instead of just bigger sizes in the begining, I've got 6-7 weeks to go and I have very little clothes that fit.
I wish that I had relized that I was gunna get *huge* and that someone would have told me that by the third trimester shaving your crotch and legs gets almost impossible.
I wish that I would have looked into going to a midwife rather than an ob/gyn because I truly hate wasting all that time and not even getting to talk to the doctor about any questions I have or anything.
Hay I think that this is a really good thread. There are some things I wish I did know about, but I don't regret not knowing about how hard breastfeeding can be. I think if I had been told that while I was pregnant then I wouldn't have wanted to breastfeed and I wouldn't have persevered with the pain as I did. But I do wish I knew about how much I would actually bleed as well lol. But I'm glad I used the hospital nighties instead of my own hehe. :wink:
Pages