Good god, where to begin. Well, from the beginning, i suppose. Alright.. I'm 13 years old and I start going out with Bryan Black. Okay, he's not that great of a guy.. not the best lookin' boy in school but hey.. what's there to lose right? So, everything is great. This guy is head-over-heels for me! (which no girl minds.. am i right? :wink:) He's my first kiss.. my first make-out.. my first everything. Sure, I love him.. but little do I know how much I actually do. Okay.. our 1 year anniversary comes around. Come on.. I'm in high school now. Sex is in. Everyone's doin' it.. why not me? (goddamn, peer pressure fucking sucks!) Plus, I really think this is the guy.. THE ONE.. ya know? So, we start having sex. We used protection the first.. 3 times maybe? Then we stopped after that. Hell.. me get pregnant? Please.. that could nneevverr happen to me! Dumb, Dumb, Dumb-ass Me. We started having sex in the middle of April.. then July comes around. Guess who's pregnant twenty days after her 15th birthday?! Yep, thats right! ME!! I didnt know it at the time.. I had my period up until I was 4 1/2 months pregnant.. so I didnt find out I was pregnant until about November. Anyways.. hows Bryan doing in this whole thing? Perfect. Sure, he's scared.. He's 16 years old! But he's so supportive and is always telling me that we will be together forever and he "just knows we can raise our son together" ..Someone please call a bullshit on him!! Nieve little me believes every damn word he says. I suppose he might have meant it at the time.. but that doesnt really help me now does it? Well.. I end up going to GRADS (a school strictly for teen moms & moms-to-be) and he stays in school. Sure, I hear the usual rumors about him and girls.. but I try to blow them off. (Believe me.. easier said than done.) Our two year anniversary comes up.. and guess what he gets me? A phone call telling me that we need to break up. Great day to end a relationship, huh? When you're supposed to be celebrating the day it started. He's a smart one, aint he? Anyways.. I get so stressed out.. I end up going into labor. Helpful fact: Our two year anniversary is March 7th.. my due date? April 25th. You do the math.. I'm sure you can even realize thats not good. Yes, I'm only 32 weeks along! And I'm in labor! Whoo! Exciting! Ha, not. I have to get shipped to Seattle (about a 2+ hour drive from where I live) and I'm there for a few weeks. Then get sent back to the hospital closer to home.. there for a few more days.. then discharged. I'm send home on complete bed-rest. I can only get up for bathroom breaks. Keep in mind, I'm still having contractions this whole time.. I was technically in labor until I had my son. Which was at 37 weeks.. so.. 5 weeks of contractions? You can tell I was having a great time. Well, I give birth to Conner on April 4th (04/04/04.. cool, huh?) He's absolutley perfect. Guess who isnt there, though? Yep.. Bryan. Dont get me wrong.. He does show up 3 days after he's born for 20 minutes only to say "He doesnt look like me". What a guy, huh? He sees him off and on for the next 2 weeks. Maybe a total of about 5 times. And probably a combined time of about.. 12 hours all together. Then.. nothing. Then.. I come to find out that he's "going out" with one of my good friends. Oh, let me get this clear.. they arent "going out".. but they are "together".. :?: yeah, i dont get it either. So, that goes great. He calls occasionally.. only to tell me how he hates me and im a bitch.. etc. Then him and his mom call me about everyday for the next week or so telling me how im "so selfish for keeping this baby.. and the only reason I'm keeping him is so I will always have an excuse to see Bryan" and blah fucking blah. Completley trying to force me to give him up for adoption. And they dont understand.. it aint gunna happen! Then at 4 weeks old.. Conner starts throwing up all his food. And I dont mean spitting up.. I mean throwing up. Like.. vomiting. I brought him into the hospital and they sent us home saying he was fine. (Dumb fuckers.) Then two days later.. after continously throwing everything up.. i brought him back. By that time, he was so dehydrated from the throwing up.. he had no saliva and no tears. Needless to say, they admitted him. He had to have an IV to balance his electrolytes out because on the 4th day he was there.. he had to have surgery.. and after the surgery.. he stopped breathing. I called Bryan to tell him that Conner stopped breathing. (oh, by the way.. Bryan hasnt came to visit conner or even CALL to see how he is doing yet.) And i told him and his response was.. "is that bad?" (DUH, DUMBFUCK!!!!) ..and then he just kept going on about why the hell i wont give him up for adoption. I started crying and he hung up. Well, Conner was in there for a total of 12 days. But he only needed to be there for 10. Apparently, Conner's lovely father called CPS (Child Protective Services) and told them that "I am not a good mother. At night, I sleep through his crying. Sometimes, I go all day without changing his diaper. I usually just let him cry because it annoys me to help him". So what does the hospital do? They put a medical hold on Conner. What's a medical hold you ask? Oh, why its where if I take Conner home without their permission.. I get arrested and Conner gets to go to a foster home. So, I had to stay in the hospital, by myself for two days. I'm not allowed any visitors because they might help me take care of Conner. Nurses can not help me in any way, shape, or form. Keep in mind, Conner is now a special needs baby. He can only eat exactly 2 ounces every 2 hours and needs to be burped every 1/2 ounce or he will throw up everything. So, I have to wake up every 2 hours to feed him.. not too hard.. but do you think hospitals have alarm clocks? Hell no! They wouldnt make it that easy! And.. the nurses cant come in and wake you up.. so what do I have to do? Stay awake for 2 days straight. Finally, I got to take him home.. (Oh, and Bryan never came to visit him once..) but now every week a CPS worker has to come to the house to make sure its a "fit environment". Bryan has not had to give up one damn thing for Conner. I've given up my whole life. Dont get me wrong! It's worth it! But completley unfair. I still love him very much. I cant help it, though. He is my baby's dad.. there's always going to be love for him. But love for me? Please. He has made it perfectly clear that he does not love me anymore and wants nothing to do with me. Conner is now 6 weeks old and it has been 1 month since his dad has seen him. Bryan says he would see Conner if he could take him by himself (and yet he still refuses to change diapers.. someone tell me how that is supposed to work?) But I still feel that Conner is too young to leave without me. Maybe I'm over-protective but do I give a shit? No. But Bryan will not see him if I'm there. He thinks its more important to not see me than it is to see Conner. Does anyone else see his reasoning on that one? Me neither. OH! And to top it all off? I have a horrible case of postpartum depression! Well, ladies.. I know thats alot to take on. I feel stupid for even trying to ask but.. Any Advice?