I am at a loss for what to do with Malik's smart mouth. He is always talking back, and I don't know what to do. When I get stern with him and say "Malik do NOT talk to mommy like that" he gets even louder and ruder and will be like "NO! You don't talk to ME like that!". So then I'll try to say "Malik it hurts my feelings when you say that to me" he'll just brush it off and be like "No, it don't hurt you feelings". He gets a real attitude, and he yells. I want to raise a respectful child. Is there something I"m doint wrong? I think he got a lot of this from hearing me and BD arguing, but we've been out of that situation for a couple months now and the back talk is still continuing. He even talks back to my parents. What else can I do???
Have you tried time-outs? I try (key word here is "try") to explain to my kid exactly what the problem is (he's having an issue with name calling...not so much what word he uses but how he uses it), and when he violates the very clearly spelled out rule, he's in a time-out. If he doesn't stay in it, it gets longer or is taken in a room with the door closed instead of on the couch.
Could you break it down for him into specifics of what's OK and what isn't?
Other thing I've tried is just removing myself from engagement, and giving him the silent treatment for a few minutes. Gets me out of the power struggle, and the withdrawing of attention gets the message across that it's not nice to engage with someone who treats you like shit. I tell him what's going on and why. Something like this:
"I'm not going to talk to you at all for a little while since the way you're speaking is hurting my felings." And then I go about my business. I try and give him an out, like telling him it would help me feel better if he told me he was sorry.
So all of the above looks really good on paper, but I still struggle with being consistent and not losing my cool.
my daughter does the same thing. i make her sit on her bed and do something, like movie tonight (she usually watches one before bed to calm her down) or no treat after supper. and i don't give in. sometimes it works. my daughter says "shut up!" i don't know where she got it from because i don't say it and no one else says it. i sit her on her bed and stand with my back to her in the doorway. if she cries, i ignore her... then when she's done with her bed, i will go over with her how she talks nicely to mommy & daddy like, lyric how do you ask for more juice...? then she says "mom can i have more juicek please." i tell her not to say bad words, etc.... and have her repeat herself.... she's got it down pretty good.... that might help your son, too.
I tell Tay that if talks that way then nobody wants to be around her and then put her in timeout. She still gives me attitude and talks rude sometimes but at least if she's in her room I don't have to hear it and hopefully she's getting the message. I wouldn't worry too much about him saying "no it doesn't hurt your feelings." empathy is actually a really hard thing to learn and developementally he may not be there yet.