if so many of us are bisexual, how come we're all with men?
(the "us" and "we" are general, btw.)
so in my several years of girlmom and being online in general it seems that a lot of us have an attraction to women, maybe more than just wanting to sleep with one, but few of us ever act on that. why is this?
one of the things that seems to be less accessible to women who bear children younger is a chance to explore our sexuality in a safe environment without repercussions. do you think it's okay to live life not having explored that part of ourselves? I know a lot of women who are partnered with men they probably wouldn't be with were it not for the kids. it's not that they are miserable or even unhappy, it's just that, by their own admission, they weren't "done yet."
I see traces of that in myself as well. If someone had proposed to me while I was pregnant, I would have said yes. I would have regarded delving into my sexuality as something that would have been nice, but that just wasn't in the cards for me, like backpacking across Europe or going away to school to live in the dorms.
But now i see they AREN'T the same. my desires, my sexuality, that's part of the core of ME. seeing the Eiffel tower or living in a shoebox with a girl from Montana could have been really awesome experiences, but the not doing of them doesn't represent a stone that's been left unturned in the inner world of myself. does that make sense?
i've been reading this book recently called "Jane Sexes It Up." Stupid name, but interesting writings on feminism, women, desire, and sexuality. Reading it made me start wondering if we look at sex and relationships as things that won't ever live up to what we want them to be anyway, which is why some of us can accept not having explored our sexuality. It's as though getting to have intimate relationships with women rest at the top of this mountain of sexuality and desire we know we will never scale, and don't really expect anyone to help us climb. Do you know what I mean?
This is a conversation that would be much easier had if all of yall would come over here, but i'm hoping we can talk about this. What's going on here? How can we be true to ourselves without hurting people we care about or putting ourselves at risk? If we are at that place of feeling obligated to someone, or too far in with them to step back, how can we carve out places for our self? Can we live with knowing there could be more out there?