so. lets just get this right out there. my SO hates my kid. i mean hate as in does not like my kid, turns into a different, very unhappy, dark, angry person when my kid is around...even when my kid mentioned. yes that kind of hate.
and why does my SO hate my kid so? because my kid has been known to repeatedly wake up in the middle of the night and lay on top of us, rub against us, touch us inappropriately beneath our clothes. my kid has done this much more to my SO than me. weve both knocked him off of us, in a half sleep panic. my SO has told me that ive stopped SO mid swing before. SO said they were half asleep and just fighting back. i do believe this. we're both restless, violent sleepers, especially when touched or having bad dreams.
both my SO and i are survivors of various sexual inappropriateness. SA, rape, and, for my SO most recently, was kidnapped, tortured and raped repeatedly last year. my SO is still learning how to live with what happened. and now this. my SO views my young child (who is between the ages of 2-5) as a perpetraitor, the enemy.
there was a time recently when my kid accused their father of sexually abusing them. after all the paperwork and damage was done ive come to find out that it was not true. yes i am sure. my SO and i thought for a while that the alleged SA was the root of this, and now we're both freaking out.
i can put myself on the back burner for now, and i know what steps i need to take to help my kid. what i need to deal with is this. my SO HATES my kid. we are both pretty sure this will never change. we are in love, though. the kind of love you fight for and dont want to let go of. we are trying very hard to find a way to make this work:
-i love my kid. and would not think of giving kid up at this point (when i say "at this point" i mean if this behavior continues well into the age where my kid definitely knows what they're doing.)
-im caught inbetween. i'm from the school of "always side with the victim"...but it's my kid, too!
-my SO hates my kid. wishes i was childless at this point.
-my kid and i are a package deal.
to use an ani quote for a moment: we both kept looking at the triangle, instead of what it's pointing to.
i KNOW the obvious choice: break up. i don't need to hear it again. don't say group counceling. my SO sees a therapist and they are stumped, beacuse breaking up just isn't an option. my SO and i have talked this problem into the ground, and we are stumped, as well. i don't need sympathy or anything like that. i need other choices.
if this problem is a triangle, then there are three points. we all know one. i need to figure out the others.