I feel like I`m lying to him by not telling him about me being pregnant. We`ve talked twice on MSN (for short times) since I`ve known. Once hI messaged him, and got short one word answres, the second time, he messaged me, I guess he had no one else to talk to.
And I think he only messaged me after reading a blog of mine.
I`m hurt.
He`s already seeing someone new after the whole "i fell in love with you" line he pulled on me. After ASKING me to stay as close a friend I was to him even though he`d be gone, he can`t even talk to me. I mean, I WANNA know how things are going with him, cuz I care. (probably a bit too much)I wanna continue hearing the stories of his son, and how his job search is going and all that jazz.
I want to tell him I`m pregnant. I feel like not telling him is lying... I sit here and I cry and I cry over things. Over what if I have a m/c? I know that will hurt me tremendously inside, because this is going to be my last attempt if I do m/c. And what if I have it? Will he be there? I know physically/emotionally/and possibly financially I can do this alone. But the fact of the matter is, I don`t want to do it alone(not many people do). I don`t want to have it to keep him in my life, no. I just want my child to have a father.
I`m just so hurt deep inside of me. I`m lost, confused, and alone. I am so alone. I have NO ONE to talk to about this, about anything really. No one really understands how I feel. And if I try to talk and bring him up all my friends will say "I don`t wanna hear about him"... So I`ve just stopped talkign to my friends.
I just need to figure this all out in my head for me.
Do I want to never tell him? And keep "lying" to him, or do I tell him and see what he says and take things from there.
arrrgh.
If you`ve read this far, thanks.
why does it hurt so much??
You are here
Fri, 2005-06-17 02:56
#1
why does it hurt so much??
Hello, :)
I am a little confused--were the two of you together and then sort of broke up...now just friends and you found out you were pregnant? Or were you all always friends?
Either way, IMO I would say you have nothing to lose by telling him. You already feel very lonely, hurt and upset. Whether or not he wants to be a part of his life may or may not bother you. I had hoped the same for my son who is now 3 weeks old. Like you, I know that I can do everything by myself, but it did hurt to think about doing everything by myself. However, there are pluses. I can raise my son any way I want to without worrying about what he will think or want, etc. There is nothing more I want for my son but to have a father or father figure in his life; however, I sure don't want a dead beat dad in my son's life who will only disappoint him, make and break promises, etc. We are much better off than having that narcissist in our lives. I am not sure if your BD is that way, but if he is, you are much better off. But as I said, I really do not feel like you have anything to lose by at least telling him. Good luck! :)
i know how you feel and i am sorry that you feel that way. i know how much you are hurting right now. i know you want your child to have a father i wanted the same thing for jayde but you will be ok without him. i think you should tell him only if you want to. its your choice. you are a wonderful person and he doesnt deserve to have such a great girl like you. if you ever want to talk. i was kinda in that same situation pleas pm me.
nah we were never dating. we were "friends with benefits" which totally backfired if you ask me.
I mean, we were un-officially official in a way though. It was such a weird situation. His `rents knew me, I sat with him in a clinic for 2.5 hours once, if he wasn`t around his friends would ask me where he was (I always knew where he was), we`ve went out drinking together a few times and had a blast,(or we`d end up causing a scene and fighting).We`ve argued so much, we HONESTLY sounded like a married couple. He`s made comments to me about how he should just marry me because we already argue that much (heh) and I KNOW that somewhere inside of him IF he has a heart, he cared about me. I mean, we have a few songs that I`ll hear and I think of him, and he`d come over, browse the computer and put them on for me and sing to me, and now I can`t listen to those songs, go figure.
thanks for the replies. its just so hard to imagine being alone for the rest of my life. and being alone to do this.
So why are you so iffy about telling him? I mean what is stopping you? Sorry, I might have missed part of the story :oops:
Reasons I am not telling him.. *sigh*
1- Back in Jan, I found out I was pregnant by him, at the same time as finding out he had given me an STI, the STI was blamed on me (but i WAS only with him at the time) I told him when he was drunk. He said "Ok, well , I`ll be there for you". The next day he was "down with adoption" the third day he was saying "just have an abortion and let`s not talk about this ever again" We stayed friendly after that, until someone confronted him about giving her an STI and it got messy. We then fought for 2 weeks.
2-The nfriday night before I left to move to North Bay(about an hour away) he contacted me and wanted to see me, at this point, I was still pregnant, and he was too drunk for words to explain. His friend picked me up (NOT a night I wish to remember) and we argued in his friends car the whole way to his friends place, and then the whole way back to G`s place. Where we then talked for hours about his life, about him not being ready, me crying saying I wanted to keep the pregnancy, and him telling me i was "crazy" because having a kid takes alot out of you and blah blah. It hurt me to hear how much he loved his son when I was knowingly pregnant, and he didn`t care. At all.
3-We`ve foughten, said some bad things about eachother, that got all over town, while I was in North Bay. He also told one of my best friends all this crap and made her hate me, because he wanted to get with her (by the way, she lives in North Dakota) he then proceeded to say I was lying to him about being pregnant to keep him. WTF? Hi, if you think I`m lying, come to the doctors with me.. grr
4-He`s moved out of town now, taking care of his son down in the Sault, and I can just imagine the words that will come out of his mouth when I tell him. Because we werent together the whole month of may.No, I was with an ex bf at the very end of april, and had my period like two days later, it`s IMPOSSIBLE for this to be anyone elses baby, but G`s. And I KNEW I was ovulating on may 21st when he contacted me on MSN, and said "i dunno if it`s a good idea right now" but he insisted.
I dunno, I`m scared of his reaction, and him being far, because I know he`ll just tell me to have an abortion and get it over with, or he`ll be all "well you can`t tachnically carry a pregnancy to term, so it`s all good" Him although not realizing, or even caring how much this is tearing me up inside, and how much I will be torn inside in the likley hood that I do miscarry.
*sigh* Really I guess there`s no plausible explanation as to why I don`t want to tell him. Just me saying its better to not I guess.
I can completely understand where you're coming from, but by not telling him now, you are just delaying the inevitable. His reaction will be the same whether you tell him today, tomorrow or 9 months from now. If you want to keep the baby, it is YOUR choice. He can't make you have an abortion. It's your body and you should do what you feel is right. Maybe once you have the baby, his opinions might change and he'll want to be a part of his childs life...who knows. I know it's very scary and hard, but ultimately, IMO it's best to tell him and go from there.
I`m so nervous to tell him. I asked one of my friends to kinda just hint it to him, and a part of my nickname on msn kind of hints it out "fuck you, fuck you for fucking me" , but he hasn`t been online, so I`ll just keep it there until he does come online. I`m scared to tell him because he has some ummm, photos of me. And I REALLY don`t want them to get out.
And I`m scared that if I don`t agree on abortion that he`ll send them to people. I mean, I WANT this pregnancy to conitnue, and I`m doing EVERYTHING I possibly can to carry to term. (Although I`m stressing right the fuck out about miscarrying right now), and I know I can hold my ground with him. I can hold my ground to anyone about it. I held my ground to one of my closest friends who told me "Maybe it`s better if you don`t"
He also doesn`t know right now if his ex-girlfriend is pregnant with his child or with her current boyfriends child so he`s scared about that in a way,because he`s "not ready for a kid right now" (and he has a 6 yr old son, heh)And he`ll probably think I want to keep this pregnancy to keep him in my life for the rest of it.When really, ok yes, i Love the guy, but I know he`ll never ever change, and I could never be with him, and quite frankly, I don`t want to be with him.
What matters to me is squiggle. That`s it. That`s all.
I mean, he and I had a conversation and he SAID he would have been there "Ren, I don`t love her anymore and I still love my son to pieces, and I`m there for him, and I would have been there for that one too" (talking about my previous pregnancy) But why is he so fuckign weird. HE pretends like he doesn`t give two shits when I am pregnant, and then when I lose it,he starts with the "I would have been there I`m not heartless"
*sigh*
I just wish I could erase him from my life, never talk to him again, and that I can just go on like this never even happened.
Ugh, that photo situation sucks and I hope he isn't fucking childish enough to blackmail you for wanting to keep your OWN kid. But he most likely is since he is childish enough to run around getting people pregnant and then cry about it saying "it's not the right time". Seriously, I mean, he got you pregnant, you'd think he'd be more careful with the next girl to avoid another pregnancy right? :? Anyways, if you want him out of your life, then just get him out of it. Don't let him be part of it, and don't let him fuck with your head anymore. Don't be tempted to let him hang around if you don't want him there. If anything, tell him you are pregnant, it's his, you're having it, and if he doesn't like it then he can fuck off and never bother you again because he has no say in what you will and will not do. Sorry if it's the wrong advice, but its what I would do in your situation. :shock: Just a question to anyone who might know about this, if he did decide to spread those pictures around of her, could he get in trouble?
he is childish enough to use them as blackmail towards me wanting to keep squiggles. which i sincerly hope he doesn`t do, but its also a reason why I`m a little scared to tell him. i told his best friend last night though, so I`m sure in no time he`ll know, and I`ll get an email stating that it`s not his and blah blah.
And I THINK but I`m not sure. See I`m over 18, and when he took the pictyures he said "I`m glad you`re over 17", but since they would be gettingh around without consenting knowledge something COULD be done about it. I don`t know for sure though.
Britt, that sounds like an excellent plan though. I think I`ll do that :) :oops: I`m scared too, but I have to do this
Could you try to get the photos back before you tell him? Like say that since you're broken up now you'd like them back or something?
Tehy`re digital photos and are on his computer :oops: , he has the file saved in his email in case he loses them too (if he has to reformat, etc...) annnd even if they WERE real tangible photos, he now lives 3 hours away, and I`d have no way to find out exactly where he IS living out there. I just know what city he`s in and that he`s staying with his father.
This totally sucks.
What would he do with them? Like, I mean who would he give them to? I know its hard by the way, but I'm guessing you'll feel like 309842 times better after its all said and done. Maybe he'll even be nice enough to sign over his rights and go on his merry little way.
He could, send them to his friends, show them to people, post them online, etc... If I was happy with my body/liked the way I looked/or was cool with having them online, I wouldn`t care. But those were PERSONAL pictures, taken for him and me. I mean we have enough mutual friends that they would tell me "Hey, I saw some pics of you that you might want to have taken down" , but all these boys want me ( :oops: ) so they might just enjoy the pictures and talk to me like nothing is going on. Which would complete, COMPLETELY suck. Especially when I trusted him enough to even LET HIM take the pics in the first place. I could easily if I find out post some bad pictures of him all over, but what`s the point of being childish about this all? (I also think he had taken pics of me while I was sleeping on night... I tend to have slept naked when I was at his house cuz it was hot, and when I went to bed the camera wasn`t in his room.. when I woke up he had an evil grin and the camera by him..)
I KNOW I`d feel that much better after telling him. All day I`ve thought about sending him a "happy father`s day" e-card, and mentionning "I hope you got to spend today with your son, oh and BTW, he`s going to have a little half-sister or brother". And then do the old block off the MSN so that he has to send me an email. I`d rather have an e-mail from him then sit and chat with him on msn. And an email he can send while I`m not at home. I just can`t stand all this waiting around for him. I`m really really thinking of dropping him an email, and I`m not sure about him being nice enough to sign away his rights and be on his merry little way.
He wants his older son to know any siblings he has (which I personaly think is the right thing) and he wants to know his children, (heh, I`m sure he has more out there somewhere though, although he begs mostly evryone he gets pregnant to have abortions, and so far, 9 have). ButI won`t even give him the chance to let him beg me to do that. Last time I listened ot his reasonning behind it, and didn`t tell him I was keeping it until the night before I moved out of town. And he wasn`t too fuckgin happy let me tell you.
I`m also really scared that, if I were to have it, and he knows that, he`d a) send so meone after me while I`m pregnant or b) try to get it taken away from me after I did give birth by telling people lies, and it working.
*sigh*
I have too many worries about this.
if you want to tell him than you should, otherwise you will just keep thinking about it. i dont think you could anymore by telling him. and if he is truly a fuckwad we will be here to back you up
Eeeek that sucks that he is the kind of person that you would even have to worry about sending someone after you while pregnant and all that. I think if you feel most comfy emaling him then do it..because if it will make it easier on you then I think its a good idea. Is it possible to just stop hanging around with the people that he hangs around with so you don't even have to deal with him?
Well, luckily I only see our mutual friends when I go to bars, and he`s not in town anymore, and I hardly go to bars anymore... So That will help I guess a little bit. It`s easy to get people out of your life when you don`t see them at all. Unless they start contacting me via internet or phone, then I`m happy...
I`m thinking of sending him an email today. I won`t be home tonight until later tomorrow afternoon, so if he does come online and doesn`t respond, I won`t know, and I wont feel like complete and total shit. Because if he does see it and doesn`t respond, I will feel like ... super terrible.. I`m thinking of writing something along the lines of...
Hey G.,
I hope you had a good father`s day and that you were able to spend it with ______(insert his sons name here). I haven`t seen you online for a little while but had to tell you something so, I figured an e-mail would be best....
I`ve talked to a few people about this before deciding to let you know, because I seriously, didn`t think I should tell you. But in a way I feel like I`m lying to you by not telling you. You do have a right to know. So I don`t know.
I`m pregnant. I`m going to try everything I possibly can to keep it. Wether you want to be around if I have it is up to you. I`m not going to force you into anything. I know you`re out there now, and it`d be pretty hard for you to actually physically be there, which well, hey, shit happens. I`m not gonna be a bitch either if I do have it. But, remember when you told me you had super sperm? Honey, you KNOW you do. I honestly did think of having an abortion, but you know my track record anyways when it comes to pregnancies, because I`ve told you. And well, I`m gonna try to have it. And that`s that. And I`m NOT gonna sit here and hate you if you don`t want to be there or want to know it if I do have it. But if you do, I`m not gonna make things hard for you. I didn`t ask to get pregnant, and I didn`t ask to have a kid in this type of situation, but alas, it happened( again.fuck). I think my kid deserves atleast to know who you are, and to know ____(insert his sons name here).
I know we had a conversation of how hard it is to do it alone and la dee dah, but whatever, I don`t absolutely NEED you, or NEED my kid to have a father.
Um, anyways, I have a tendency to write you long e-mails... sorry heh. I dunno, write back if you want, I won`t be around a computer for a little while, so no msn for me. And well, I think lately we`re not on too often at the same time. Plus you don`t have the time or whatever. SO uhhh, talk to you later/whenever...
<3
Ren
I just wanna be as nice as pie to him about it. so that he doesn`t get all childish and stuff about it. bah! I`m nervous to send that to him....
I think that's perfect.
well, I sent it to him.
no reply. I`ve been home now for an hour or so, he`s been online the whole time. no reply from him. i unblocked him on MSN to see if he`d say something, anything. Nope. Nada.
I`m re-blocking him, and I don`t plan on saying two words to him for another few months or so. And if then he still doesn`t want to talk or reply to me, then he can go fuck himself, and he`s the one who`s missing out I guess....
It just hurts alot still.
I sat and cried almost all night about him and the situation. Then I figured he`s not worth my tears.
You're right, he isn't worth your tears. Just stay strong and know you can do it without him, and that he's the one that is missing out. If anything, he should be crying for not having you around. Im sorry he hurt your heart :x PM me if you want to vent/talk/scribble random letters out of frustration :shock: