I am a Sex Worker *trigger?*

I'm in full support of sex workers. I hope this time, unlike last time a thread happened, it's met with only positive comments, and open minds willing to learn and unlearn what they've been taught by society.

A job is a job is a job. Sex workers are given such a bad reputation, and most of the sex workers I've come into contact with have been the complete opposite of what society drills into people's heads. They've been sweet, they've been funny, they're classy girls with good heads on their shoulders. Most are considered promiscuous because of their job, but in their personal life have been more picky and more 'conservative' then I have, and even if they aren't, it's their sexuality and they can take power of it in whatever way they want. I don't see why because someone choses this job, that it gives the public any opinion in what they do in their personal time anyways, it's like saying "secretaries must be easy!", it's none of anyone's business, being a sex worker shouldn't make someone's personal life privy to anyone anyway.

I really, really hope this thread will be productive and open up some minds that may be closed about this subject. I wish the profession (which by the way, is the oldest profession there is!) would get recognition as a profession, in order to keep women safe and healthy. Canada's talked about legalizing prostitution and regulating it as other countries have, but so far it's been just random talk. I'd like to see it go that way, I think everyone should have the right to feel safe in what they choose to do.

I'm glad you enjoy where you work and that you are able to work legally. I'm so sorry people look so badly on sex work. My opinion If you like what you do it doesn't hurt anyone then good. I wish it was more legail in america. It would make safer enviroments for workers.

About your family, I hope one day they can realize that it's okay to have diffrent values then them.

i dont think there is anythin wrong with it. you have to do what you have to do to support yourself and that is all that matters. thanks for the post.

I agree with naviete. I don't find anything wrong with that. It's a job and if you are doing it, that is okay. I never judge anything like that. And it's legal for you and I think prostitution should be legal anyway. It would really help women stay safe, healthy and I don't think they should have to go to jail for it. Thank you for posting that, it helps to open minds about this type of profession.

right on.

For anyone who hasn't already, check out Annie Sprinkle's Why Whores Are My Heroes.

You are providing a service for which someone is willing to pay, and that's what a job is, whether you're selling vegetables or automobiles or your companionship. It sounds like you enjoy your work, and that's half the battle. (How many secretaries or food service workers can say the same? I work in an office, and I can safely say I inwardly cringe every morning when my alarm goes off.)

I'd actually be quite interested in asking you a few questions sometimes if you're up for it? I'm in the very early stages of compiling personal stories of sex across the board for a book I'm writing on human sexuality. Just let me know :)

I wish I had found this sooner!

I have been a sex worker on and off for getting near 10 yrs, in illegal & legal fields. In escorts, S&M, brothel work, as a small business run between me & a friend... you name it.

Here and there I've posted about it at GM. Answered folks questions.
I did a thread ages ago on the old boards and reposted it about 6 months ago on this board.

http://www.girl-mom.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7445

Anyway, just hi to you and co-worker solidarity and all!

Hey, I also wish i'd found this sooner, got directed here from my livejournal, i'm a worker as well, we need more workers around here, especially considering most of the women I have worked with are mamas.

I've been working on and off in the industry for 5 years now and have done escort, street and brothel work, stripping, S&M and (while pregnant) porn.

It is a choice, just another job, a way to pay the bills and spend the most time with my kid that I can.
I am sitting here right now covered in Maja's baby's vomit in old trackies wondering why people see workers as anything but just your average girl.

just out of curiousity, if you do street, isnt that VERY dangerous? i know alot of things these days are, but is it? the only views i have of sex workers are what i see either on the side of the road (not in my town but a big city not far) and from what i see on tv.. in person alot of them look like they dont want to be there and that they dont take care of themselves..alot look strung out on drugs.. so i have never thought very highly of sex workers because of all of that.. but im here to rethink all of that :)

Why pass any judgement though? If they look sad to be there, or strung out, they don't need you looking down your nose upon them. If they're in a bad situation, they need understanding, empathy, a friend. They're people just like you, and some of them are amazingly great girls (like the ones who've commented in this thread for example, some of my favorite people!). Everyone gets in bad situations though, things like drug addictions don't define who they are.

I can't wait until sex work is legal in Canada. They've been talking about it for some time now. I think the fact that it can be dangerous is what puts some girls in bad situations with drugs, they need the money so they do the work, maybe they get in an abusive situation, and they do drugs to escape from the reality of it. Not all clients are sweet as pie, some girls get beaten while trying to do their job, etc. Having clean, safe brothels to work in, would help so many of these girls, get away from people taking their money, abusive situations, would keep them safe while they do their job, and I think in turn, that will help girls who are battling drug addictions, be able to overcome them.

come on, don't be so hard on her. I think what she said is admirable--she admitted to having an uneducated and judgemental impression that she was ready to be proved wrong about. Everyone passes judgement like that...admitting it is one of the first steps towards unlearning. I think it's better to put it out there on the table so everyone can see it than to hide it away and pretend to be super understanding.

though, for the record, I do agree with everything you said, naivite...I'm just not sure it was the right response for that particular post. :)

I think everything Naivete said should have been said.
Why pass judgement?
I'm an ex streetworker, now work in a brothel, I am curious as to why you judge women who have it hard for having it hard?
I'm glad that you are rethinking things but it's sad that you could be so blatant about your feelings and opinions on workers, you are not doing any sex worker a favour by giving us a chance, that's not respect, we should be the ones giving you a chance.
The first step to unlearning should be you being ashamed of yourself for having these opinions in the first place about women just like you and not posting smiley faces after posts like this.
It hurts me that you would have looked at me, 15 years old and quite possibly pregnant and passed that kind of judgment upon me rather than trying to help, trying to make the world a better place for women who are in trouble or times of hardship.
Now I am in a much better working situation and am much healthier and happier, now I have a choice and I choose to work and I do not feel it demeans me in any way and it is just another job.
But once upon a time i was not this strong and not this happy, once upon a time I had no choice.

Actually, I reread what I said and I still think I said it very nicely. Some things need to be said, it's only "being hard" on someone if you're doing it in a rude way. I think I was quite respectful. I understand it takes guts to say things like that, but that doesn't mean it should go unchallenged. She said she looked down upon sex workers, I very nicely said why she shouldn't.

While this isn't the most cuddly, comforting thing to hear...I think she's right. I recently made a joke somewhere else, and got called out by someone (
i haven't asked for permission to use her name, so I won't). And you know what? Even though I apologised, it isn't just magically all right.
I felt very ashamed and embarrassed to be called out, especially by someone I respect so highly, and someone I hope would respect me. Ashamed isn't even close, I felt like an utter and complete shit. But you know what? Even though that isn't the best feeling in the world, I sure as fuck know it's not gonna happen again, because it was clearly pointed out to me how fucked up what I said was, and why. And now, I understand why, instead of just knowing why in some abstract academic sense.

I should add that I personally, am not a sex worker--though I am working on entering the field, so I do NOT have the perspective or knowledge of those who are currently sex workers or have been in the past. I do, however know that I have "looked strung out on drugs," because of an addiction that I am still battling with. Aside from the fact that I was fully aware of how other people were looking at me when I was strung out, and the self esteem issues that I'm still working on, I know, in my heart, that I'm not the kind of person that anyone should look down on. How are the women you've seen any different?

I think that it would be useful to perhaps continue a discussion of this sort in the "Misconceptions Of Sex Workers" thread that Maja linked to, because there are a lot.

Making society see that sex work--whether it be prostitution, porn, stripping, or escorts--is an acceptable line of work, and not to be looked down for is a revolution that has yet to take place.

Let's get the ball rolling.

While I disagree with what I understand some of you to be saying about the process of unlearning, I don't want to hijack this thread. Sex work is an important part of any society and I sure as hell don't want to disrespect you mamas who are out there facing all that woman-fearing, patriarchal bullshit.

The thing I try to reiterate is that we ARE just like you.

The only knowledge of sex-workers is that of which ive seen in films. And you know what one sticks into my mind...Pretty Woman! She works on the streets, she gets picked up by a rich guy, but this guy only wants directions. She ends up in love with him. Ok, so i know this is like a fairy tale, but it portrays that just coz someone works as something that is frowned upon, doesnt mean they r different to any one else!

Hi. Not a sex worker but a former drug addict and someone who is still struggling with parenthood and drug dependcncy. Thanks. Nice to know that you think badly of someone who "looks strung out". I coulda sworm that gm was a safe place for mama's recovering from/with addicitions to talk about their experinces. Maybe I didn't read the User agreement deeply enough.

With you on that one.

What about us ex drug addicted workers?
I worked while on drugs, I work now while not.
Does this make me any different these days?
Would you think more of me now?

Besides the entering the field part, I basically agree with this statement. No one should be looked down on for how they look, what they do for a living or if they are addicted to drugs. And a lot of sex workers arent on drugs, and a lot of people on drugs arent sex workers.

ok, i came here to open up my damn eyes.. not to be shit on. i am sure there are many sex workers who ARENT on drugs, i am just saying the ones i've seen dont look happy and look strung out. i am not saying there is anything wrong with people overcoming addiction. i dont know alot about sex work so i dont know what to think about it all. instead of getting so damn defensive, why not help me learn more? instead of shitting on me and jumping down my throat, help! i am not saying i have a problem with sex workers at all. i personally dont know any, so i dont know what they go through. this is a safe place and i didnt mean to offend anybody i was just looking for more information. i am sorry that i am uneducated about sex work, i will stop posting here because obviously i came to the wrong people to help me.
nicole.

also one last thing, there is something we are all uneducated on, would you like someone to tell you to feel ashamed for it? i figured that i could lean on you girlmoms/allies to help me learn more about this so i was better educated. i never said ewwwww sex workers or yuck their gross! so come on now, i dont think negative about them, i was just saying what i have saw of them thats all. on here we need to educate each other instead of calling them down every chance we get. yeah there is alot i dont know, and theres alot i want to know, if i knew i would of been freaked out on for asking for information or trying to learn more, then i would of kept my mouth shut and not said a damn word. so please jump off your high horse, and help me learn more!

You don't need to be so dramatic. The girls had a right to be defensive, the way you worded it wasn't the best, and it was offensive to them. You may not have seen it as offensive, but it wasn't directed at you or a group you belong to, and you can not determine for another group of people what is and is not offensive to them. It's not their job to educate you, but if you want to be educated, they will as long as you're respectful, you know?

The way to always see if a statement is inflammatory or offensive, try putting a race in, instead of the category you're referring to.

Imagine how it would look if you had said this to a group of black people:

It may not seem that way to you because it wasn't directed at you or a group that you belong to. But to women who've been in this industry who face that every single day while they're trying to work, I think they had every right to get defensive about your wording.

Your plea for help would have been effective had you left out the judgements you hold about sex workers. If you had just said, "The only view of sex workers I've ever had is one that society pushes on me, I'd be really interested in learning about it and changing my viewpoint, because I know how I've been taught is wrong.", your post would have been highly regarded. But to go on and on about the judgements you have, IS offensive to a group of people and entirely and completely unnecessary. Things like that DO need to be called out on. If you had directed it towards any other group of people, you would have been called out by everyone, not just said group. I think it's sad that these girls put themselves out there with this post, you say something which offends them, and not only that but you're telling them now to get off their high horse for defending themselves.

Maybe instead you should check how you word things. A plea for education is great, learning and unlearning is great, admitting you aren't educated about it is great, but do it in a way that doesn't hurt, offend or oppress the people you're asking for help from. You don't need to include your judgements about sex workers while asking for education, because whether you think so or not, it was offensive. These girls are not in the wrong for defending themselves.

In the circumcision thread we were told to use words that didn't make people feel bad because making people feel like shit causes the "target audience to shut it out". Here, were telling people to feel ashamed and to feel like shit, to get them to listen. Which is it?

In my opinion, Nicole came to this thread saying, "I might be wrong". That's pretty open to education. Now she's saying that she's leaving the thread. Is it clear enough yet how telling her that although she's willing to learn, she doesn't feel bad enough about herself to do so, is counter productive to the entire point of this thread?

Guilt is self destructing. It is a wholly negative emotion. We should not be encouraging it - to anyone.

She is admitting her bias and is telling us that it's baseless. She's admitting that it's not okay. We all have prejudice. Admitting them - here especially, is really fucking brave. Let's get consistent.

It's entirely different. I'm not saying she should be attacked and thrown out or anything, I'm just saying she could have worded it differently.

And I don't see it as inconsistant. In the circ thread, we were told "Educate but don't oppress", and here, she's being told "Ask for education, but don't oppress".

im sorry, i didnt mean to offend.. like i said ill leave this forum. and i wasnt being dramatic.. thanks tho.

In case it wasn't clear from my post, I'm saying that telling her to feel ashamed IS attacking her. It IS making her feel bad. It IS shutting out the target audience. That this is being encouraged here is indeed inconsistent with telling people to try not use language that will make people feel like shit, in other threads.
By the way, I wrote my post before I had seen yours.

The way I see it, she's saying, "I felt this way, but I had no real reason to. Hopefully in this thread I can come to see otherwise." Followed by various redundant forms of "btw, you're wrong" which I thought had already been addressed in her original post.

I agree that people need to be educated. I don't agree that we should tell them to be ashamed. There is nothing we can change about the past, thus we must work on making sure we don't repeat mistakes in the future.

I took a course for rape survivors last year and one of the biggest things we did was address guilt, with the idea that the past is not going to change and beating ourselves up over it is only going to hinder how much we succeed and progress in the future.

She knows her opinions are unfounded. How does telling her what she knows help anything?

I agree with things both of you are saying, but I have to agree with revolt that making people feel like shit about being uneducated on a topic isn't really encouraging them to learn more. I know if someone opened up an educational speech with "you're so stupid, you should be ashamed of yourself" I'd turn into defense mode and not really be up for listening or learning.

I am not defending what Nicole said and it is totally valid for those on the other side to be offended, of course.

I also agree with naivete in the "educate but don't oppress, be open to learning but don't oppress" thing.

Dissecting what we say is important, but I think that one person telling someone why what they said (as far as their wording) was offensive is really enough, and it's more important to focus on overcoming stereotypes and, in this case, generalizations about sex workers. She was open to learning and I think that deserves some recognition.