ok time to bare my soul. my husband and I knew each other for six weeks before we got married (yeah I was pregnant, we were both catholic and soldiers). After my son was born my husband was deployed for ten months and when I finally came to Germany to see him I was a reservist and everything changed. he expects me to run my whole life around his time. like he will tell me he is going to be gone for five minutes and then is gone for like 2 1/2 hours. He gets mad when I take the car without giving him notice or if I'm not home to make his dinner or if I get on him about doing something (after I've asked nicely for the last ten minutes). I love my husband and he is a sweet man most of the time but I don't want my boys to grow up thinking this is the way you treat women and i don't want to wait on him. I do everything around the house and i'm still a damn soldier I don't know what he wants anymore but I don't know how to put any of this in words. we have been married almost three years and we have two beautiful boys who are my world. I don't want to leave him but I don't want to feel used either.
He may be really blind to how he's acting. It sounds like it's definitely time for a serious discussion about how he's treating you and the bad example he's setting for his children.
Just make sure you bring it up in advance and plan a time that you two can talk when there are no interferences.
I agree that a conversation about your roles in the relationship seems to be needed. I would lay out everything you want to say ahead of time, like write down the bulliten points on some paper, and make sure you stick to them.
hey we did hava a convo and he agreed that he was acting like a jerk but is hesitant to change anything about it. he says that its the way his parents were and they are still together. I should accept him the way he is or find someone else to marry. Shouldn't people try to improve themselves? I mean I have really changed since we got married and had babies. Money isn't so tight this month so maybe that will help. Wish me luck
Maybe I'm wrong, but we live near a base and I have a few friends who are married to soliders and it seems to be a common problem. I'm one that believes that two people who are together should be equals and carry both work and the home loads together. Have you thought about couples counseling? Just because its the way he saw his parents relationship doesn't mean its right or works for everyone (I have a friend whose parents have been married 20+ years and shes one of the most liberal eqality fighting for women i know, and she still has the traditional "women" roles but says it works for them). If its not something either of you are willing to compromise on you might need counseling or a big talk...