Hi everyone!
Well i guess i should just start by telling you the basics about me. I'm 17 years old and i live in England. My name is Kaydee. I don't have a boyfriend and neither do i want one. I do on the other hand have a longing for a child.
New, alone & desperate
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Mon, 2005-07-04 09:21
#1
New, alone & desperate
Hi and Welcome :) Im also from England..
My name is Elli, im married and have just given birth to my first baby, a little girl, Leigha-Rose. Im 18.
Feel free to pm me anytime xx
Hi I am Skylar 18 yr old mom to Eric who is 11 months. I just want to ask, what is the reason that you are so desperate to have a child now? Well it was nice meeting you!
You need to think very long and hard about something like this and look at how hard it is to have a baby.
I had a baby at 17 and I regret it dearly.
Also you claim you dont want a boyfriend but then how are you going to get pregnant? Also the father of the child can fight for custody of the baby like my friends childs father did and he did end up getting custody. My friend barely sees her daughter.
I though babies were cool and so cute but when I had my baby he was cute for like 5 minutes. I found out the hard way that all they do is cry, they wake you up during the night, you cant get five minutes of peice. I was one of those teens who was never home and barely saw my family but now that I have a kid I barely get out and am always around my family wich is kiling me litterally.
The bad part about all this is that all my parents keep saying to me is you wanted a baby you got one wich just makes me even more upset.
I had no clue what I was getting myself into intill I got it and I do not recomend any young person getting pregnant in less it is an axcident.
Im not trying to be negative or be rude but I am just trying to tell you the actual realtiy of having a baby.
I went to school with kids who had babies and they said how much fun it is and how they still get to go out but when I got pregnant they started sharing stuff with me such as they lied to people and they never got to go out and having a baby was no fun.
I really wish someone would o shared that info with me before i got pregnant because if they did I would of never of done it
Hey,
Well firstly i'd like to thank everyone for their quick replies! It's hard to explain really why i am so desperate to become a mother. It's not a recent thing, not a phase i think i will grow out of. It's a growing thing. For the past few years i've longed for that conection with someone. I've longed to be able to give and create and nurture. I am aware being a parent is not easy. I am not some naive little girl who wants a child because i think its "cool". I want to be a mother. As for the boyfriend/farther part of it. Well I know very well my childs farther could try and take full custordy as i have a friend currently going through this. But without good reason to give him full custordy it is unlikely he would get it. I would never deney a child seeing its farther. But i do not believe a child needs two parents who are in a commited relationship. Its shown that babies in general make relationships work. And as we all know you don't need a relationship to fall pregnant.
Chrissy,
I would like to point out to you that i find you very opinionated and what you write, i dont think you should. Or at least word it differently!
I love my child dearly, she means the world to me and i wouldnt change having her for the world! You wrote in your reply that you dont think teenagers should get pregnant unless its an accident, well excuse me, i strongly believe that its our bodies, our choices!
Just because you have had a bad experience, which im sorry that you feel the way you do, maybe you should try to resolve it within yourself instead of trying to steer people away from what they wanna do. Please, keep your horror stories to yourself!
Chrissy,
I too find your responses very offensive. I too am a teen mom of two children who I love dearly. Please think before you reply to someone about how to word something so it isnt offensive. Our bodies, Our choices. How can you tell some one not to "get pregnant" when you said if u knew how hard it was and it was no fun, you wouldnt of gotten pregnant. So what you are saying is you thought it was all fun and games to have a baby.. which I am guessing you are now realizing it is hard work. there is alot of rewards and fullfillment in raising a baby, the smile they have just for you, the first giggle, and the second, and the third etc. when they learn to say mama and they want you to kiss their booboos, when they only want you when they are sick.. there are plently of rewarding and fullfilling times. So please reword your posts or I hope the MODS step in.
Nicole-Chrissy has been banned for inappropriate posts in another thread.
To the original poster-First off, I am Erika, single mom to a 2 year old. While GirlMom is here to support and encourage those who are already pregnant and parenting, it is not our responsibility to serve the needs of those who are not yet parents.
Kidless allies are welcome here, however, and I suggest you read those threads in the announcements forum (guidelines for KAs). To me, it sometimes seems like a diminishing of the struggles of teen moms for someone to come here and say they want to have a child young. While it is many times rewarding, it is mostly hard work and defying stereotypes and misconceptions every day. These women work hard to get through high school, put food on the table, and soothe a baby who has been screaming for an hour when she hasn't had more than an hour of continuous sleep in the past month.
I suggest reading these threads:
The Realities of Parenting
http://www.girl-mom.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=6764
What you wish you knew...
http://www.girl-mom.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=6390
Single moms, how we got there...
http://www.girl-mom.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2108
Actually, although most people here don't outright tell people not to TTC (try to concieve), it's usually a good thing to let people who are thinking about it know how hard, tough, lonely and expensive it can be. Usually, they don't see the dark sides of parenting, the staying up for weeks on 2 hours sleep a night, the frustration, the crying, the temporary loss of your "life", how friends stop coming by, how your boyfriend may or may not be there in the end, parenting IS HARD. It's not bad to say that either, she should be presented with both sides if she's going to make the decision. Yes, it can be rewarding, no I wouldn't change the fact that I'm a mom for the world. Sometimes I do wish I had waited until I had completed more things in my life, like high school, college, etc, because then I wouldn't be struggling with juggling all of it at once right now.
It is rewarding, and many people who try to concieve only see that part, the giggling baby in public, the smiling parents. What they don't see is the lack of sleep, the frustration, the depression, the absolute maddening times that happen behind closed doors. I don't think there's any harm in letting someone know before they enter into it, "make sure you're ready girl, this is DAMN hard."
If in the end, she reads and listens and understands or already knew all of that and still wants to TTC, we're all here for support and help and advice. I don't know much about the original poster just yet, so I don't know how much she knows, what she's been through etc, but just in precaution I usually like to see all new members who are trying to concieve being told about things they may not understand about motherhood, so that they can make the best decision for themselves.
Anyways, hi Kaydee :) I'm Cristi. Welcome to the site, and I hope you find what you're looking for here. It made me smile to see that you're strong in stating that you don't want a boyfriend, I'm glad to meet a woman who knows she doesn't need one. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.
hi i just want to say in lisa 20 yr old mom to jayden 1 yr almost and i agree with what the mods said. i hope you the best and good luck!
hey there, welcome to girlmom, i hope you can read around and make the decision that is best for you. naivete, and erika said all that i could of said, but of course.. better!!