well J has started the drugs again and everything outta his mouth is a lie. So I broke up w/ him for good this time.
hes living at his parents house now and though weve only been broken up a couple weeks, every time he gets his work paycheck he says he'll give it to me and i never hear from him. He'll get his check on Fri. then go party all weekend w/ his friends while im paying off over $1,300 OF Debt we are in. ( so far I only have like 50 bucks left to pay off, our checking account was negative so I used MY monthly social security check to pay most of it off... and as a result im broke now and my mom is trying to help pay my rent, bills, ect.
J is living at his parents house! has no bills, eats for free, and yet I spent all my own money paying off debts that were BOTH of ours (I had to, the account is in both our names) AND I have reeni to take care of. I told him friday to make sure he gives me money because reeni need a new carseat, this one isnt safe. he said OK, that he'd be back in an hour w/it. well , that was 2 days ago, and im sure his money's long gone.
He said before he got it that his mom was going to make him give his whole check to her, to save in case i go for back child support. she's being a real bitch about this, acting like I have no right to see any of that money, when I supported her son completly for the first year we were together!
Anyway, how long will it take to get child support? I could put a restraining order on him to make it go faster but I dont really wanna do that, it seems like overkill. But I have no money. also J said his mom is taking his money and paying off his old debts with it.. and giving him an allowance out of it . Like an ancient hospital bill is more important that reeni's car seat??? :evil: can I get a percentage of all hes made before i technically get custody? Itll be easy to get it, I know, based on his current lifestyle.
Sorry this turned into a huge rant.... im just so mad right now, and hurt. :(
That sucks mama, and I know you're angry -- but watch for the anti-woman language.
I would first off, talk to a lawyer and find out what your rights are for sueing him for child support. Most lawyers will do free consultations, and there are tons that will work pro-bono for family law as well (if you need help finding one, let me know and I'll see if I can help you out). You may also want to find out the laws about paying off both debts, etc.
Second, are you on welfare? If not, get on it. It's a little bit of money, but it can help a lot. I would talk to your case worker and find out if there are grants avalable for carseats, and other nessessities avalable.
Don't worry, that's not hiding money. If this job of his isn't under the table, there is no way for him to hide his money.Getting child support can take quite awhile. I filed in June and I just started getting paid last month.
Have you considered taking him to small claims court for half of the debt you're in?
Sorry about the b-word... I wasnt even thinking with a clear head. :oops:
let's see... I cant go on welfare because im on social security and they would just dock my check for however much i got from welfare (Ive looked into it). I will think about small claims court but I want custody asap because i dont think its fair he's off blowing all that money. :( I didnt wanna have to get a restraining order, cuz, like i said, It semed like overkill. but it WOULD grant me automatic custody, a police officer came over here and explained it. I took a picture of my arm once after J pushed me off a chair and i got a huge bruise on my arm. he didnt usualyy do stuff like that but now im getting annoyed because he still just walks in here like he lives here. after all he's done. I dont fear for my life, i know j would never just come in here to hurt me... so is it bad to get a restraining order so I can get immediate custody?
But why the rush? I understand you're mad, but judges can usually see right though that...according to my lawyer. It's common for women to use a restraining order to get custody or becasue they're mad.
HAve you filed?
Even if he says he doesnt have a job, they will still come up with an amount, assuming he is capable of making minimum wage and they will add in half your child care expenses and your child's medical insurance, etc.
My ex husband does not have a job and has not had a job in at least 2 years, he lives with his parents, but he was still ordered to pay over $1,100 each month based on my expenses.
If he doesnt have a job (or is paid under the table) the amount he owes you will build up until he is jailed or his license is taken away. If he files taxes, the tax return will be sent directly to you.
Take him to small claims court for your joint debt, its not fair for you to pay it alne.
Well he's been abusive to me before and to be honest the reason i didnt get one before was cuz I do still love him and I was thinking, "a restraining order is so FINAL...." I guess In a way I subconsciously still wanted him to come by.. evn if it was just every once in a while. But now Ive found out new things that just really hit me hard that I DON'T want him in my life anymore, no matter how lonley I am now.
and I feel rushed cuz maybe im being petty, but I dont think its fair that he's blowing all his money on drugs and partying, when reeni has things he KNOWS she needs like her car seat. I feel like every week that goes by that we see no money i just get madder.
OH, and last time he was here he casually asked "umm does she have any big medical stuff coming up, cuz I may quit my job.. I dont like it anymore. "
so now she may not even have health insurance!!!! I do know about healthy kids and stuff though for that but hes just so selfish!
if you lose her health insurance b/c he quits his job, you can apply for medical assistance for her. Usually there is a waiting list but it can be waived if its a child. And even if she doesnt get sick, there are well child visits that are covered by insurance.
I know its' frustrating. MY BD hasnt helped with a thing in over 3 years. I have paid our debts, and cared for our children financially and emotionally without him. BUT as frustrating and unfair as it is, you cannot change someone. You cannot make him less selfish, you cannot make him care or help if he doesn't want to.
I didn't feel free from my BD problems until I stopped nagging him and talking to him. Everytime I had to take an unpaid day off work to stay home with a sick child, I wanted to call him. When I didnt have insurance, and I had to pay cash I didnt have to see the doctor and fill prescriptions, I had plenty of words for him.
But I had to stop. It's stressful on you and stressful on your child. All you can do is communicate with your child support department, because its thier job to make sure you get the help you deserve.
Good point BCPR. You can make yourself crazy trying to get blood out of a turnip. I've totally been there. Do what you can through the DA and then try to let it go.
I was wondering If I would even much child support based on Reeni's needs cause Im a stay at home mom so I dont pay for child care, and she's not old enough to eat real food and stuff, I pretty much just need her clothes and things like that. But doesnt he need to pay anyways? like for all the things that come up.. like the car seat, and all the non-perscription medicines and stuff..?
Im going down to the court tommorow and want to be prepared..
Its based on how much he makes/is able to make. Not what you need... as far as I know. Maybe under special circumstances if she needed some kind of specific medical care, i dont know. But you have needs like paying rent and stuff that cs will help you out with.
There is a chart amount, so you won't receive less for staying at home. You will most likely get a 4% or so increase each year. If other cost arise such as medical costs and childcare, he will have to pay for half.
I actually live in Canada so none of this is certain for you.
Best of luck.
for me, the amount he owed went up quite alot after disclsing the expense of daycare.
It all depends on the state that you live in. In NY where I live its a straight 17% of his income. In most states if he doesn't have a job or is being paid under the table they will order him to pay a meager amount (hello $50 in NY) a month and you can go after him for back CS when he gets a job where they can track him.
I'd say go to the court and file for custody. List your reasons as his drug use and that your a stay at home mom and have been for ____ long. Also file for CS which should be set after custody has been determined. I went for CS months ago and haven't seen a cent... But eventually it should kick in...