what would you do if it seemed like everyone you thought would support you turns against you..?
im only 16 and i know im really young to have a baby.. but i love my baby so much and i want to be able to raise my child. my parents are totally not there for me.. my mom told me she is ashamed of me and im not allowed to go anywhere out of the house.. shes too afraid of people seeing me. so ive been stuck in the house for months now. and my parents havnt been treating me right. they told me that they are not willing to support me or the baby and they wont let me live with my boyfriend and his family who are willing to love and support us. they told me that they want to send me away to florida (i live in pa) to stay with my aunt, uncle older cousins until the baby is born.. which means i wont be able to see my boyfriend and he wont be able to be there for the birth. my parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption and are threatning to put my boyfriend and his family in jail if i stay with them.
i dont know what to do and ive been so stressed and depressed.. i am so fortunate to find this site and i hope you can contribute and tell me any advice to help me. i love my baby so much and want to be able to live happily with my baby and my boyfriend.
I really don't know what to say. I hope your parents come around once the baby is here. Legally I doubt they can force you to put the baby up for adoption and the same goes for putting BD and his family in jail (can someone back this up for me?). I know where I am the legal age for moving out is 16. I hope things straighten up for you.
*hugs*
I'm assuming that they want to put him in jail for statuatory rape.
They cannot legally force you to put your baby up for adoption.
How far along are you? If you moved to florida to live with your aunt, would she be supportive? Would you be able to keep the baby?
You do have options! You CAN do this!
Are your parents typically abusive? Isolating and threatening you are ways they are trying to exert thier control over you. I'm sure your pregnancy makes them feel very, very out-of-control. Obviously, how they are handling it is unfair.
Would they agree to family counseling?
This bears repeating. I hope your parents will come around with time (mine did), if not you are a stong young woman and if you want to do this you are fully empowered to do so. Have you looked into getting emancipated? I wish you all the strength and support you need.
im 6 months pregnant now.. and i think the only reason why im going to stay with my aunt is because they are ashamed of me and dont want to deal with me while im pregnant. and i think she would treat me better than my mom but i still wouldnt be able to keep my baby.. i dont really know them that well and i would feel uncomfortable staying there. they used to beat me and put me down all the time but they stopped now but now im stuck inside all the time and i know its unheathly for the baby. and since i have custody over my baby i think she would do w.e it takes for me to not keep my baby and take it in court and do all this unnessicary crap.. ughhh
thanks for your support it really means a lot to me!! :D
p.s. may I suggest that you read "when I was garbage" by alison crews? I found this story to be really inspirational, it is here http://www.girl-mom.com/node/34
this is in your hands.
not your parents'. they cannot force their choices on you.
The choice you need to make is how hard you are willing to fight. maybe you want to keep the baby but not enough to go through a legal battle or put your bd at risk. If that's the case, that's okay. You can make that choice too. But you have to realize that you're making it.
As far as your bd goes, you haven't given enough info to suggest whether or not he really is in danger of going to jail, but I have two thoughts: 1. whatever consequences he might face will probably not be half as bad as what you're afraid of, and, 2. situations like this can frequently be a strain on relationships, whatever the outcome. Would you still be so afraid of your parents threats if you and bd weren't together?
And finally, I bet your parents are bluffing. They have no legal recourse for forcing you to adopt. I'm pretty sure they know that and that you would not wind up going to court at all, over any of it. They're trying to intimidate you, and you just have to decide that it's NOT going to work. But you probably need support, right? That's the biggest obstacle in all this. Have you thought about going to a women's shelter?
where are you in PA?
If it comes down to it I can find out what kinds of shelters there are for you. Just let me know. PM me with where you live...
It's extreme, but so are they right now...but what about emancipation? I honestly don't know how you go about it, but if you want to do this and they are treating you that way then it is probably worth it.
Check into what the legal age is for you to move out where you are.
If you're old enough to legally move out, and you've already said you could live with your BD and his parents because they're being supportive, then find a way to do it. Can you feel comfortable talking to BD's mom about it or something? Letting her know how bad it's getting at your house and asking for help?
I dont know if this is true so anyone who knows...let me know. but i heard that a pregnant minor is automatically emancipated or something while she's pregnant. but again that may not be true. whats stopping you from picking up and going to bd's family if they are being supportive?? can her parents stop her from doing that??
i tried that i went there and we talked things out with his older sister who lives and takes care of him but my parents called the police and i had to go home or else they would send me to juvenile hall. i guess i could get emancipated but im scared my parents will say some crap like im not resposible or mature enough to take care of a baby.. but i know i can and im so dedicated to do this.
your parents could file a PINS petition on you (atleast thats what they call in it NY) for running away but you would be assigned a corrections officer that you would talk too. Most places (that includes police departments as well as social work agencies) want to work with the family to find something that works for you all. What county are you in?
i live in the US in PA. :]
I am not in your situation but a close friend of mine was. You are legally emancipated when your pregnant only concerning doctors and your personal information. You can check into a hospital, sign release forms and they cannot inform your parents. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU GIVE UP YOUR CHILD! As far as getting legally emancipated you must have a job (some kind of means of income) and have a place to live and show the courts that you can take care of yourself (its very frustrating and lots of paperwork). Or you can try to get some one to be your legal guardian. also paperwork but easier than emancipation. You must show some type of evidence and let the court know that its unhealthy for you to live there. In worse case scenario you can tell a school counselor or C.P.S the situation and that you want out of your house. Its extreme but you shouldnt be unhappy dear. If you really want this baby there are plenty of people out there that can help you. Look up emancipation on the computer they will show you the documents you need to fill out and the requirements, also they can give you numbers to free child advocate lawyers who can be most helpful. I wish you the best of luck and all this information is just things to think about. Message me if you need any help.
Being emancipated because of pregnancy doesn't necessarily make leaving feasible.
When I was 17 and pregnant, I was in a similar situation, and my BD's family said I could live with them. Well, my medical insurance, car insurance, and even my vehicle title was in my parent's name because I was underage, even though I was paying for everything (except medical insurance) myself and I had a good job. I would not have qualified for state medical insurance because I qualified under my dad's.
Kristin- if they really do press statuatory rape charges, he could face years of jail time, depending on his age.
My adive to the original poster-- Move in with your aunt just to get away from your parents. THEN once you are out of the emotionally abusive situation look into the assitance you will need to care for yourself and keep your baby.
This is a complex situation and it's won't be solved quickly or easily. You need a PLAN.
Abuse isnt limited to physical hitting and pushing. The nature of abuse is to make the victim feel powerless and they are succeeding. You feel out of control, and as if you ahve no say in the situation.
I don't think they can force you to put your baby up for adoption. Both you and your baby's father have to agree on giving the baby up for adoption.
You should definitely look into being emancipated.
Search online for PA laws and find out more about emancipation. Also, look up statuatory rape. The legal age of consent, etc.
Try to talk it out with your parents. Come up with a plan for schooling, raising the child, etc. and present it to them. Maybe they'll find that you really are responsible and they'll think twice about the actions they want to take.
I really hope everything works out well for you. I don't know what I would do if someone tried to take my daughter from me once she's born (it's not unlikely seeing as her father and I really aren't getting along right now).
you can not be forced to give up your baby, its a hella paper work that requires a hella time, so it is not over night. i think you should move to your aunts or move in with bd. obviously moving in with bd sounds like the best option but that is still way to close to your parents. if you move out of the house, away from the abuse, the clearer everything will be. right now emotions are high , parents are angry. you may not feel " comfortable" but living in another state will make you feel more independent. you wont have to think about your parents , only focus on your PLAN. i really do feel for you. your parents are gonna miss out. alot. my parents cried them selves to sleep for three years over their folly. they wish to god they could take it back, im sure your parents will to.
It breaks my heart that things are so tough at home right now. It reminds me of how fucked up things were at home when I was pregnant and 15... same shit: stuck in the house or sent off to my aunt's house. My parents tried to pressure me to get an abortion, but I wouldn't do it. Eventually, things calmed down, and once I was 18, kiddo and I moved away to college.
§ 3122.1. Statutory sexual assault.
Except as provided in section 3121 (relating to rape), a person commits a felony of the second degree when that person engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant under the age of 16 years and that person is four or more years older than the complainant and the complainant and the person are not married to each other.
You're sixteen now, right? Even if you were 15 and he was 19 or older, I'm pretty sure that it would be hard for your parents to press the issue, especially since you're unwilling to cooperate.
It makes me sad that the time you tried to go to your bf's house, your parents called the cops... because that sounds like it would be the best place for you.
They CAN NOT force you to put your baby up for adoption... though they can make life very difficult for you if you keep the baby. It sounds like you have a lot to figure out- like how you'll survive with a baby and without your parents' support. It's not impossible, but it's really hard.
Are there foster care alternatives in Pennsylvania- perhaps you can be placed somewhere else for a while? Or maybe someone in BD's family can be a 'guardian' of you for a while?
i'm really sorry you're going through all of this. i wish i could help, or give you some advice, but i'm not in your situation.
i do know however, that my cousin's parents wanted her to give her baby up for adoption (she was 16 and lived in PA) and she just refused. she had even gone along with it and met with the adoptive parents and everything and once they handed her the baby she said, "never mind. i changed my mind and i'm keeping him." things have been tough for her, but she's been able to work things out and is actually graduating from high school on time and going to college next year with no help from her parents, so it can be done.
her boyfriend was also 19 and her parents weren't able to press charges or anything against him because she refused to go along with it.
you just have to stand up for yourself. and i know that sounds really glib, but i don't mean it to. i know how difficult it can be, but if you want to keep your family (and by family i mean you, your baby, and your BD) together, it's just what you have to do. unfortunately. it sucks that your parents are being so terrible.