I have a couple of younge friends, who although they are very low income, spend extra money on expensive baby clothes. They do this becuase they like to put on up the appearance that they're well off, and that they're doing well with there kids (not that they aren't). One of my friends is constantly worried someone is going to call her on her age (18) and get her baby taken away from her. Really she doubts herself more than anyone around her would. I've told her a million times that that'll never happen, that she's a great mom, and age doesn't matter. But she's constantly making sure her baby is prefect looking in matching outfits etc. She's ultra-paranoid.
My other friend who does this, does it basically beucase she grew up poor and didn't get squat as a kid. She wants better for her kid. She thinks giving her baby the brand-names is giving it better, and kind of makes me feel like my kid gets less becuase I try to get a lot of his things second hand.
I've told these girls all about second hand, and how you can find perefectly good stuff there, and have money for other important things.
Will any of you ladies admit to buy expensive/new clothes just to make yourself feel better when someone gives you a nasty stare? Do you think, if you put up the "right" appearance, than people will think good things about your mothering abilities? I think it's a terrible waste of these girls limited resources and too bad they feel they need to be like that. I Wish I could help them to see that your parenting abilities are not based on how or what you put your kid in, as long as it's adequate.
'Expensive" is relative.
I buy NICE new clothes for my kids, but not to make anyone think differently about me.
Expensive clothes are often better quality. High quality fabrics do not retain stains the way cheaper clothes do. Also, higher quality fabrics are more comfortable and last longer. This means you can pass them on to the next kid. if you buy a cheap item and it only lasts until something spills on it, that's not value.
Second, I re-sell my kids clothes on EBAY after they are done. This gives me money to buy them clothes for the next season. I don't know how I would afford stuff for them if I didnt have that extra cash each season.
I dress kennedy in nice stuff, but it was all second hand. Seriously they grow out of stuff so fast most of the time it doesn't even have a chance to get ruined. I wouldn't dress kennedy in expensive name brand crap just because I'm afraid of what people might think when we go out, no way. I mean I can understand how someone would, seeing as half the people you run into are fucking judgemental, but I really don't care.
I know for some folks, dressing in brand names is a cultural thing. I think that it's something that you may not think is the way you want to go, and that's cool, but if the babies needs are being met -- what buisness is it of yours if they are dressing their babies in expencive cloths or not?
You said that you have told them about the second hand stores and whatnot, but clearly they don't want to use them. I would just let it go; you're more than likely not going to change their minds.
And, to be perfectly honest -- yeah, I think if I put on the "right" apperance than people will take me to be a certain kind of mama, a certain kind of person. I htink that in my community (which is more of an activisty, hippy, punky community), cloths are just as important -- just not the brand names of the cloths.
This isn't a judgment that I encourage, but it's certainly one that affects my life. I judge people by how they are dressed (if I see some punked out gutter punk, I feel more safe around him and am more likely to go up and talk to him than if I see some jock kid), and while I'm not going to NOT TALK to someone b/c of how they are dressed, it's definitly going to affect my first impression of them.
I purchase, nice and name brand clothes for both of my kids. However, I purchase off of ebay and clearance racks. Don't get me wrong their whole wardrobe is not all name brand. I purchase "nice" outfits to go places in. If they are playing or just hanging out around the house or someone else's house then they also have their play clothes purchased from regular retail stores and hand me downs from family and friends. As the above commenter posted, once they outgrow them I sell them on Ebay and make my money back and in return use that money to purchase more clothes that fit them now.
Most of my kids clothes I get for free. My mom likes to buy them nice clothes though. She took my daughter shopping and bought her a bunch of fancy dresses for her birthday. She loves them so much she wears them every day.
My bubba has some of everything. She has been really spoilt by extended family, they have given her lots of expensive clothes that I dress her in sometimes, but she also has lots of second hand and cheaper clothes. Im not too fussed about whether she matches or anything, shes usually all covered up in blankets, and shes going to throw up all over it anyway :).
im guilty of julian wearing new clothing.
Julian wears new. Nothing name brand...but probably wal-mart....i like the childs place aswell *o.k and lets face it, im guilty of being a roots billboard...he gets tons of roots...but i know a manager...* Im not doing it because i want people to think im a good mom....im doing it because i just really like clothes. That, and I just like to know the quality of the clothing im getting. I like to make sure its cotton, washes well, and comfortable. Im really paranoid about what I put on his skin, because hes had a few rashes soo far...and I was always super super sensitive about materials. But really, hes just now starting to wear stuff that isnt sleepers...soo maybe im just over excited, and the novelty will wear off when im totally broke again. But things like his exersaucer, swing, jolly jumper.....all were second hand....i save money on those..
I will admit to dressing my little one up when we go out. Mostly just because he looks really cute. I get alot of comments about how nice I dress him, I love that. But, when hes at home I mostly just have him in sweat pants or whatever I felt like throwing him in that day.
I only buy him 'expensive' clothes as a treat every once in awhile. I do have very limited money so when I know I definately have enough to buy him something nice, then I do it.
This past christmas was his first, so I bought a bunch of Old Navy stuff for him, it looks so cute.
I also spoil my friends' kids. I buy them top of the line just because it makes me feel good to give them something really nice. But of course I only buy it because it seems all of my friends have girls so I cant give them my hand me downs....but if they ever have a boy, they're getting my stuff that I dont want anymore lol.
I said before that I love getting the comments about my sons clothing...But I dont care either way what people think about what hes wearing. Kids are expensive, and if they dont like what hes wearing they can buy him something themselves!
I just put jeans, t-shirts on Lyric... I normally get stuff from Target or stuff from friends with older kiddos. My mom is really awesome at helping me stuff for her, too. I have a few cute political statement tees for her too... and in the summer she loves to wear sundresses & flip-flops, she looks like a little hippie hehe :)
The only thing Eric has name brand is the gap and old navy, and that I get on clearance every once in a while. His dad sometimes buys him name brand shoes that cost like 45 bucks, but I really can't justify spending that much on a pair of shoes, especially if he is going to grow them out in a few months. When he gets older if he wants a pair of more expensive shoes I would have no problem then because 1 he will know how to take care of his things and 2 they will fit him longer.
Anyway, as far as clothes go, I don't think that anyone judges how I am as a mother by the kind of clothes he wears. His clothes are always clean (for the most part, sometimes after dinner its iffy lol) they always fit and they are never ripped. I think that is more important than how much they cost or the brand they are anyway. Also, I don't wear expensive/name brand clothes really either, so I guess its just not a big deal to me. Honestly almost all of his clothes are either hand me downs or from the clearance rack at target. I do get him a nice outfit to wear on special occasions, but even then thats still from target.
Some of what T gets are hand me downs from my sister, she has 2 boys a year and a two years older than him. Mostly what I buy him is new, though. Not brand name, because I really don't care about that. It's not for appearances, though. I have no problem with second hand stores, and think they're a really great way to get some good quality and cute clothes, but I can't usually shop in there. I'll go to one, and find something really cute, but I won't be able to buy it because I'd feel guilty, because I have the means to buy new clothes and I always feel as if I'm taking the chance to buy said super cute thing at a cheap price away from someone else who might not have the means to buy new.
Sometimes I'll get things off Ebay, like hard to find pyjamas. Mostly though, I buy them from stores in my area.
I have only bought Jane about 3 new things since she was born. She wears mostly second-hand, bought by MIL since she loves yard sale and thrift store shopping and has the time to do it. She also wears a lot of boy's clothes since she has an older brother and three boy cousins. Am I the only one who's noticed that girls' baby clothes seem to be sized smaller than boys' baby clothes?
Anyway, I don't really mind second-hand clothes because I like sewing and will repair/embellish things if they need it. I also like older linen baby dresses, MIL has given me some of her daughters old dresses and I keep an eye out for ones that are in good shape.
Now with Ian, I was totally different, I wanted everything new and felt like *horrible* person if it wasn't. I spent a lot of money we really didn't have on new baby clothes, I even wrote bad checks for them. After he was about 8 months old, though, I realized he was going to stain, rip, destroy, outgrow, or lose whatever I put on him, and he was cute in whatever he wore, so I relaxed a bit.
I also want to know what you consider "expensive". There is such a huge range when it comes to name brands.
Are you tlaking Juicy Couture or GAP?
I understand what you're saying. My cousin does that w/ her little boy. He owns nothing but name brand (ie: Tommy, Rocawear, Polo, etc). Everyone quit trying to buy him clothes b/c she wouldn't put them on him if they weren't a certain brand. The only problems i see w/ this is that she at times doesn't have money for other necessities, and also i hope he doesn't grow up thinking he HAS to have name brand clothing.
For my girls i go for style, comfort, and price when buying clothes....i really don't even care about the brand name. Durability is another quality we have to have since i save all Teryn's clothes for Marley...and they'll now be saved for the new baby (3 girls!). However i don't buy too many clothes since i have family that loves to shop, and quite a few girl cousins a couple years older so we get TONS of clothes from them. I usually sort through them though and donate the ones i don't want. My girls grow so fast it's not very practical for me to spend a fortune on them.
A wears mostly hand me downs, or my grandma shops and when my grandma shops she hits the sales at oshkosh and carters outlets. i like old navy clearance, when i buy her something nice. but most of the clothes she is in now are what she wore last year at this time. except sleepers because she got a bit taller.
I grew up incredibly poor. All our clothes came from garage sales, and it's incredibly embarrassing to go to school and have someone say "I used to have a skirt just like that...but my mom sold it at a garage sale." and know you're wearing their skirt. I know I shouldn't care, but when you're 7, you DO care.
So keeping that in mind, I decided no matter how bad off I am, no one will ever know looking at Matt. I buy second hand for him right now, but once he hits school that will stop. I don't want him going through the embarrassment I went through as a kid. Other kids are horrible. They'd treat me like my clothes were dirty just because they weren't new. Not my baby, and that's where I stand. I'd love to change the system, but not at his expense.
My son's dad feels the same way mamamayhem. He grew up very poor and now that he makes good money, he refuses to "look poor" in any way. No secondhand clothes, no coupons, all the new technological stuff as soon as it comes out. I have to remember that when I go places with him, because I grew up with money not being an issue. For me, a coupon is about saving 7 bucks on an entree, but for him it brings along much more than that.
I remember reading a thread on strap-on.org once about how the whole hipster thing of making blue collar trendy is really privileged, partially because when you grew up wearing clothes from thrift stores and getting made fun of for it, it's hard to think of shopping at them as "cool" when you get older. One girl I talked to about that was like, "Well damn, why couldn't Goodwill have been the cool place to shop when I was 10 and didn't have any other choice, instead of now that I'm 25 and can afford new clothes."
As for the OP, Dylan wears whatever. My relatives like to buy him clothes, his dad buys him clothes. I don't usually buy them actually, and I don't care where they come from as long as they are cute and hold up well. I let him dress himself entirely when he's with me, so we usually wind up with a theme..."army guy" or "kung fu guy," things like that. As a baby, he wore hand-me-downs, but he always looked cute, and I just figured that as long as he matched and was clean and weather-appropriate, no one would care what store his clothes came from. With Cade, I did sometimes feel like people judged us based on how he looked, because he'd go to school clean and come home dirty with a hole in his shirt, but there really wasn't anything to be done because he's this energetic kid with a knack for finding that one puddle or patch of dirt or place to snag his shirt, that's part of what makes him so loveable.
I know people that spend money on things I think are stupid, but as long as all the rest of the needs of themselves or their children are met, I stay out of it. People have different priorities and unless there's a problem, there's not much I can do.
Tevian has a little of everything.. I'll admit I've turned into a bit of a Gymbo junkie (Gymboree) but their stuff is soo cute and they have a good selection of neutral and non-gendered clothing.. Its hard to find cute boys stuff thats not blue or sports themes.. I also like Children's Place and Old Navy.. I buy them because they are cute and they hold up.. I plan on having more children and I want to be able to use hid clothes again. While he has a good bit of brand name stuff, he also has plenty of stuff from thrift stores and garage sales that he wears just as often.. Also, I don't ever pay full price for stuff.. I shop clearance racks and sales.
My daughters wardrobe is mostly stuff that I've found on sale at Target.Unless one of her grandmas buys it,or my brother's girlfriend buys it (they always buy her expensive,nice clothes ).Oh,i also like TJ Maxx and Marshalls because you can get well made clothes there for cheap prices. I shop at the thrift store too. Im sure someday she will have her own opinion about where to shop for clothes,but at the moment she's 4 and could care less if it comes from Gymboree or Goodwill.
Most of her clothes are from H&M and Wal-Mart. By buying her new clothes, I'm not overcompensating for something, I just feel that I don't need to buy anything used.
I didnt know they had baby clothes at H&M!
ooo they do! and they are soooo cute!
We buy pretty much everything used because we don't like to contribute to the waste stream. We figure that Max will wear his clothes for six months, tops, and the waste involved in manufacturing and shipping isn't something we want to get involved with. We don't buy new clothes for ourselves, either, except for things like underwear and socks and bathing suits.
We both grew up pretty affluent, and buying used doesn't bother us much because of that. We both are well-paid and could afford to buy new (though not the same quality of clothes necessarily) but we don't want to because there are so many clothes that are functional and cute available used. There is privilege attached to that, and we do recognize that because it's a choice we made, it's easy for us to do. But we do think that the environmental impact (especially of cotton production) of buying anything new is an important thing to recognize.
Yep, I love their clothes for kids. The pants I just bought her will last for so long because they have an adjustable waist (like maternity pants). A lot of the clothing for girls isn't 'typical baby girl' clothing.
I feel the exact same way. I never. ever, buy new clothing aside from underwear and swimsuits and socks. I don't see the point in contributing to the slave labour market, the consumerism waste stream and the pressure from society to own, own, own.
I understand the need for some people to buy new but I think it's really sad that our society has put this idea into their heads of needing to identify themselves with material things. As for other children teasing about used clothing, unless you live in a small town where it is likely the children all know each other, how would any child even know that?
I think it has a lot to do with the type of socila environment you live in and how you grew up. I grew up with a single poor mama and I wore second hand and it never bothered me and it still doesn't.
When it comes to clothing, we are just conditioned as a society to think we need the nicest, cutest, newest stuff. It's sad and even sadder is that corporate America actively markets like that so we will continue the cycle of buy, buy, buying and make their pockets never endingly deep.
i totally agree with both of you!
almost everything in my house is used. most of my kids clothes are hand me downs/garage sale/goodwill. i love shopping at savers and goodwill not only because i feel that i am recycling but because every thing is unique you never know what you will find. when you walk into a target or walmart there are racks and racks of the same thing in every color shape and size. i just hate to conform to that. and when i buy a product i dont have to feel guilty about contributing to slave labor. i get so many compliments on my clothes shoes accessories and on my kids things as well. i love telling people that it only cost $2.99 at good will. i brag about second hand shopping every chance i get. hopefully other people will see that it not that bad.
i dont care about brand names AT ALL! i only look at the tags to find out the size. yes i admit that the more a certain brand costs the better quality they will be etc. and it is awesome to find a cute used gap or oldnavy outfit everyonce in a while. but kids will be kids and they are going to stain rip and ruin everything anyways.
Sorry I haven't been able to reply right away. We just had a first birthday party. I do agree that expensive is relative. I don't know what Juicy couture. lol I live in a city that is smack dab in the middle of Canada and a lot of franchises don't come here. But heres what i know: If I go to value village and find apair of baby jeans, I can get it for $2-4 (I'm talking Canadian dollars odviously), if I go to the childs place, I can get a pair of jeans on sale for $10-15, I think wal-mart is compairable to that. If I go to babygap, I can get jeans for $30-40 for him. Old Navy, Probebly about $20. So, I would consider baby gap the expensive place, because for me, It is. We do have a few independant upscale baby boutiques, but I don't step foot into those places so i don't know what the prices are.
I also agree that it's all relative to quality. I know, for my particular sittuation, I can go to value village and often find durable, stain free pants, lightly used, for a good price. I just don't agree with my one friend who'll never put her kid in second hand, and makes her little comments about my sons clothes, when you'd never know which I got second hand and which I didn't. But, I do understand why she feels this way. There is a lot of crap in there too. If you never bothered to look through it all youd never know all the good stuff that's hidden.
I also grew up poor. I really often have to stop myself from spending $15 on a baby t-shirt ect. becuase sometimes I can afford it, but I do know there's a better way for me. I'm not completely against buying new. I buy new too if I can't find what I need at VV or if I want some special for an occasion or even if something is way too cute to pass up and has a good price. I check the bargins at old navy a lot. I like that store.
Also, I am keeping one tub of my favourite baby stuff. It'll be probebly 10 years before I have another litte one, and I don't have a lot of room to save everything or I would. So thats something else I'm doing to save money in the long run.
Sometimes it's nice to have new things. I guess I really just started this thread out of frustration. I just wanted to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't mind not having there kid in brands. I felt a little made fun of. lol As I said above we had a big birthday party and now we have a huge pile of new clothes. Some of which are brand names. lots of poo bear disney stuff. Some old navy, some oshcosh, some tommy hilifigure, some childs place. So now I'm the one with all the new stuff.
Cae, like myself. never matches and all of our clothes is second hand. There's so much clothes in the world I figure why encourage people to make and sell more. I have no style. It's sad but oh well, it's just clothes!
My sister was guilty of this too, she used to dress my nephew in all the name brands, before he turned 3 he had LUGZ, NIKE etc, now that hes olde she realizes that it's money wasted and she looks for more affordable clothes, especially since theres two of them now.
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