I went out tonight to see my mom, and that was all good and fun. But on the way back home I decided to stop at my grandparents, because I had to go to the washroom (hey, I'm 36 weeks pregnant!)
And so now I'm ready to rant.
#1 - I fully believe in a woman's right to CHOOSE. That means that, when I peed on a stick and got the + sign, I made the conscious decision to continue my pregnancy. This means that I did not "end up this way", I did not go down a bad path that led to me consequently becoming a mother. I DECIDED to continue my pregnancy, and I specifically made the choice to become a mom. I am having a child because I *want* to be, not because I was stupid, or irresponsible, or thoughtless.
#2 - My grandma made a comment in passing about how "you think it's going to be easy, but it'll be hard. You'll see."
Really? Parenting is hard? Cause I was flipping through a book of career choices and they all seemed REALLY hard. So I decided to be a mom instead, because it seems like roses and puppies and sunshine all the fucking time.
I feel like my grandparents must think so little of me! They talk to me as though I have the "know it all" teen attitude. Since when? I've fully admitted, multiple times, to being scared and nervous about the future. And yes, I've made some decisions that they may not have made but I went ahead anyways because I don't let fear and the unknown hold me back. And, of all the times I've chosen the path less travelled, I haven't regretted it ONCE.
#3 - My uncle is apparently just sooo disappointed that I've "ended up" a single mom. It's amusing that he seems to think it's going to be such a challenge for me, and yet I've never once heard him give his ex-wife credit for being a single mom to his child. This is the same guy that refuses to believe I could actually be over my BD and no longer in love with him. Apparently I'm not playing the role of "knocked up, pathetic, left behind ex-girlfriend" well enough for him.
Ahh, I feel better now. I really feel like I *get it* now. I get what everyone on GM means when they talk about trying to prove themselves as good moms. My first instinct hearing all this BS from my family is to try to go above & beyond and never let them see me unhappy. What kind of asshole judges a woman to the point that she feels she has to prove herself to them?
I just have to keep repeating to myself "I do not need to prove myself to these people".