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He wants the "he" to take his name...

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StarlightBlaze
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Okay, so I'm talking to BD right now, he's asking if I picked out any name, and he said he hasn't really thought of anything. I came across one name, and he's like "Yeah. That sounds good. _____ ______", as he put the baby's first name, and his last name together. I was like, "Wait...what did you say?" and then I mentioned something about the name sounding cornball because it sort of rhymes with BD's first name, and then he's like, "Wait, back up, what do you mean, '?', is that?"

We're still arguing about baby's last name, and about the hyphenated thing, and he said, "Well fine then, if that's the case, then nevermind, just use your name". The reason being he's so high strung about his last name is Cae has mine and that was his 1rst son, and he didn't even get his last name, and he said something about his family name dying out if this baby is a boy, and doesn't get his last name, something about him going to a family reunion this August...idk.

The thing is, I'm so sick of him and his little tantrums he's pulling. I already laid the whole, "What the fuck are you doing for us?" thing on him, and he's still not getting it. I'm seriously thinking of just hyphenating the name, but I feel like shit for not going with his one simple request. I hate this, how can I deal with it, and how can at least put it in words that the least I am doing by hyphenating the name is putting his name first...I still want the baby to have my name, you know?

I hope I'm having a girl, in spite of his fucking witless outburst. :x

SkyKid45
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I gave my son bd's last name and I regret it all the time! Maybe hyphonate if YOU want to. But you can always change it later. My friend told her boyfriend that they would change it to his last name if they ever got married... of course now her son is almost four and her bd hasn't seen him in nearly a year.

bluemystique82
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I wish I had've hyphenated or just given my kids my last name. It sucks when people ask if I'm Mrs "so-and-so" because the kids have different last names than I do. I don't know what to tell you... But I hope the decision you make is right for you.

ramonegirl
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I gave my kid's BD's last name and wish I didn't ... because now if I want to change it, I need his permission and signature, which I highly doubt he will sign. And he hasn't seen Lyric since August ... yet has to hold on to that list thing of her having his last name. :roll:

Do what YOU want, don't feel obligated to him, you know?

girlgoddess83
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Yeah, none of my kids have my last name either. It's so weird when there's three different last names in your household, but beside that I just wish they had my last name. I want to change it to mine, but I know bd won't want to and it sucks that he even has a say so since he's never been there for them.

Anyway, lol, I agree with Heather: do what's best for you and your child.

CanadianMamma
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I agree with everyone else. All three of my kids have my last name, if I would have given them bd's last name, we would have had 4 different last names between us.

Don't feel bad if you don't want to give the baby bd's last name, it's your decision, and it can be a lot easier on your family in the future if baby has your last name, or a hyphenated name.

DeeLicious
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

i agree with everyone as well. my son has bd's last name...and i always wish i could take it back cause it's not really what i wanted.

Wonderwall
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

My son has my last name, and one of his middle names is BD's last name.

I think that's a good approach, and if 25 years down the road your son decides he really wants to pass on your bd's family name, your son could give it to his son.

Honestly, I'm SO SO SO glad that I didn't put BD's last name in G's last name at all. At the time I contemplated it because he seemed to really want G, but now he hasn't seen him since he was 3 weeks old.

MamaCaboose
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

My son has both my last name and bd's last name. I am glad of my decision, and I think what it really comes down to is finding something you're comfortable with. If you want your baby to have your last name there's no reason that the baby shouldn't have your last name just because bd thinks his own desires are more important than yours, yk?

Alexasmommy8
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

My daughter has Bd's last name, and I , too, regret that so much. Do what you feel is best for you and the kiddo. Don't let him pressure you into anything you don't feel is right.

StarlightBlaze
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Thanks guys. Well, he called again, and he said, "Well if that's the case, then I just want you to know that in the end no moatter what you choose, I'm hoping you can at least do me this one little favour, blah blah blah, because I never had a say in this whole pregnancy yet about any decisions." and then he said the choice was ultimately up to me, BUT...now I feel like shit because if I go and hyphenate the baby's name if it's a boy, then I'm gonna feel like a fucking asshole, and idk...maybe I should just give him his dad's last name (if it's a "he"), I mean...that's kinda sad that his family's name is going down the shitter...BD is the only one who can pass the name down, but I'd kinda feel at ease if it's a girl because then I won't have to feel pressured, and I'm still going to give the baby both our last name's, even though BD said he didn't care who's name the baby takes if it's a girl. So yeah...I'm still kind of stuck, but I'm pretty sure if I don't go with what he wants for another boy, then I'm gonna feel like #1 Asshole Mom of the year. :(

ironkitty1
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He

Wow, this triggers a story. When I was pregnant, me and my partner at the time unmarried, were pondering changing our names because of generations of bad histories in our families. So we decided on costa, because it means humble. Oh this is so ironic, and hes a total schmuck trying to sue me for money, and I'm the custodial parent, and he never paid a dime in child support,stole the car etc...just cant get enough! So the baby's name is costa, dad's name is costa, and my lastname was never changed, and baby's dad changed his gender. So people think hes the bio-mom, and....oh nevermind.

notyouraveragemomma
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Re: He

ironkitty1 wrote:
Wow, this triggers a story. When I was pregnant, me and my partner at the time unmarried, were pondering changing our names because of generations of bad histories in our families. So we decided on costa, because it means humble. Oh this is so ironic, and hes a total schmuck trying to sue me for money, and I'm the custodial parent, and he never paid a dime in child support,stole the car etc...just cant get enough! So the baby's name is costa, dad's name is costa, and my lastname was never changed, and baby's dad changed his gender. So people think hes the bio-mom, and....oh nevermind.

whoa. I had to read that twice--I got very confused for a second!

naivete
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Don't let him guilt you about how you've had all the pregnancy decisions, it's YOUR pregnancy, wtf is he contributing to it? You're the one carrying it and who will give birth to it, he's done nothing but cause you stress. Will he actually be around for the baby? Contribute as much as you do?

If not, the baby should have your name, plain and simple.

I don't see what the big deal is with men about carrying down names anyways, it reeks of expressing propriety over children and women, I mean who is it really going to hurt if one of the millions of Jones's out there doesn't have another Jones? It's just weird I think.

CanadianMamma
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I think it's pretty shitty that he's guilt tripping you like that. YOU are the one who has to be the mama for the next 18 years, YOU are the one that has to send your kiddo to school and answer any questions involving why you and your child have different last names, YOU (and your child) are the one that would have to deal with your child having a completely strange last name if bd decides to not be around for him. Why should you give your boy his last name...so some potential child that might happen in the future could maybe carry on his family name?

And he doesn't care about the last name if it's a girl? How sexist. Umm..girls can carry on the family name, too. There are plenty of single mamas carrying on the family name, or not taking they're partner's last name in marriage. What if it is a boy and he decides to get married and take his wife's last name? What if he or she is gay?

There are so many things up in the air with the whole "carrying on the family name" idea, that it doesn't make sense to do it if you aren't comfortable with it, or if you are going to regret it in the future, you know?

xoAxWESOxo
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I have my dad's last name, who hasn't been there for me or my mom basically ever since she got pregnant (she was a teen mom too) and her and I always agree that we wish I had her name because I hate having that tie to him when that's all I really got from him. I would get it changed but honestly, Im just too lazy and I plan on taking my husbands last name when I get married someday anyways. I guess that's just something to think about too when deciding what to do.

misfit
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

My oldest has my maiden name as his last name because BD is an asshat. he was 11 years ago and still is today.
My boy doesn't want to change his name because he is the last of the boys in our family and he wants to carry on the name.

StarlightBlaze
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Hmm, this is so hard...I really don't know what I want because a part of me is all feeling sorry for him and shit, even though he's contributed FUCK all so far to this pregnancy and baby, and he keeps saying "I'm working for money for a crib", blah blah blah, but I also said "Well fucken buy one then, quit smoking, or give up buying stupid ass video games! Just DO it, instead of saying you will." Ugh, I don't even know why I'm still in contact with him, all we ever fucking do when we talk is argue, it's annoying and it's fucken stressful on me, because I have to carry all the burdens on my shoulders from him making me feel like shit, like I'm the one who's doing everything wrong....

Maybe....do you think I should cut off contact with him for a few weeks? Like idk...I need to really think of all this stuff before I make a final decision. I'm too overloaded with pressure from everyone else, and I don't know what I want. :(

last chance
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

when i was getting ready to have AlexZander, that was bd only request that he gets his last name. I was totlly fine with that cuz i dont have a family name.. Mom is tackett, dad is montez and i was mcmanus( this last couple years i added montez on to mine. )(and yes tackett and montez are both my real biological parents) almost went to m.-m.-t. wouldnt that be fun!! so in my house there is Tackett, Montez, McManus-Montez, and W. my other biological sister is a montez...
i know from having a long hyphenated name i hate it (but love it at the same time) ... it is SO Long to write it down. half the time it doesnt fit in the lines on standard test and legal papars. I get made fun of A LOT! but i am all for it. when i get married or If i do (not getting married until EVERYONE is allowed to get married(glbtqs) i am just going to add it to the list even though all the hassle of it .

FYYFFFVFAYYF
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

a person who comes out of my vagina gets to be called whatever i want to call him. end of story!

i am married the second time around and engaged in a coperative proscess of naming where we dicided to give the kid his/her father's last name. it was really more imporant to him than it was to me so i decided not to put up a fight but yes, even though we were married and not giving the kid his last name would have required more paperwork i still fealt the need to discuss it.

you don't need to feel bad about giving a baby your last name. i would be especially suspicious of the mindset that it's more important because it's a boy. what? like he's only proud if its a son. crap on that! you name your baby whatever you want. and unless xomeone else is preparing to engage in truly equal truly loving parenting with youi don't see how you're obligated to give them a vote. not even to try and soften them up.

StarlightBlaze
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Idk why, but I like your response, hahaha. It made me laugh, and it made me think that yeah, I should call the baby what *I* want to, because it's ME that's going to be giving it passage to come through my vagina, hahahaha.

In lighter spirits, yeah...I think maybe the ultimate choice is mine, and I shouldn't let anyone pressure me. It's annoying. I have to feel obligated to give my son, if it is a boy, his dad's last name, and I agree about the whole sexism crap. I do feel shitty that even if it's a girl, he doesn't care if she takes his name or not. Ugh...I'm confused and angry at the same time. I think that's holding me back from deciding what I want.

Lizz
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Just a thought....co-sleeping would cut down on the cost of a crib! (though totally not the point of the thread, I realize...) :)

erinn
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

i really really wish i would at least given riley my name hyphenated, its such a pain.

if i had to do it all over, i would of hyphenated and then let riley decide which one she wanted to go by and sign.

freeangel
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I was married to BD when I gave birth so Katie naturally got "our" name. I had taken his when we married. Well, fast-forward a year and a half and I leave him and get divorced. He's not in our life at all. I went back to my maiden name. I would love love love to change her name to mine or at least get it hyphenated and she chooses which to use, but BD being the complete prick that he is, I know he would never agree to it.

I say either use yours since you're not married or hyphenate it. But ultimately its up to you. I really don't like his idea that if its a girl she wouldn't carry on his name??? Hello, what? My best friend in high school came from a line of a lot of girls and her dad was the last male. She always said then when she married her husband would have to take her name so as to carry on the "name."

katg
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I hyphenated my last name with bd's and put mine first. I register Zoe everywhere with my last name, unless it legally has to be her full name.
I don't think that she knows that her last name is actually hyphenated with his.

SkyKid45
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

katg wrote:
I hyphenated my last name with bd's and put mine first. I register Zoe everywhere with my last name, unless it legally has to be her full name.
I don't think that she knows that her last name is actually hyphenated with his.

That is my plan. BD agreed to let me switch to hyphonate, so I'm going to put my name first and figure that when only one name will fit on a form or something, it will be mine. And he doesn't need to know that...

FYYFFFVFAYYF
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

oh yeah and i can't tell you how many times iv'e gotten letters addressed to "Mrs. Ex/Son's lastname" i throw up a little in my mouth when i see it. Gah! There but for the grace of god go i!

adcaela
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

ugh, after bd and I split, his gramma sent me a check for some holiday signed to "Mrs. Bd's first and last name." ewww.

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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Ais has her Dad's lastname.... which was fine with me, at the time, because I knew that him and I were getting married, and blah blah...

Recently I have decided to hypen my last name.

My lastname is my Mom's Maiden name... and I love it.... So I'm keeping it.

So, now I'm wishing that I had hyphenated Ais' name too....

I think, when in doubt, use your name.

I think there's something really awesome about a child having the Mother's lastname... and I also think it could save you a whack of a hassle down the road!

On a lighter note, I get telemarketer calling here for Mrs. S, all the time.... and it give me a real chance to come up with some fairly interesting stories about why she's not here! :wink:

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He wants the "he" to take his name...

I had a son with a guy who said if I didn't give our son his last name he was going to "Make things hard" for me. I have always regretted it because though he sees his son, not alot. Now even more so because he is having another baby and is marrying his girlfriend who has the same first name as me. Now they will all have the same last name.
I am looking into hyphenasting my sons last name with mine to make at least him and I connected.

StarlightBlaze
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He wants the "he" to take his name...

Well, BD came over today, he came to help pick out baby names, and he finally apologized for being an ass, and said that if I REALLY wanna hyphenate the baby's name, he'll keep his mouth shut because he thought about it, and he said he wouldn't want people asking him, "What happened to your wife?...or Ex-wife..." because he thinks people will automatically assume we're married if the baby takes his last name. So yeah! Thanks for your input! It was really elpful when I spoke to BD and how it made me feel as the person carrying his child, and as the woman who will be giving birth to it. :wink:

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