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My 4 year old son is making me really angry

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acrane86
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My 4 year old son is making me really angry

What do I do with him?

He just turned 4, and is really making me angry. He is continually defiant, and goes out of his way to make me upset.

Ive tried it all. Time outs, telling him his actions make me mad/sad/angry/hurt/upset, rewarding good behaviour, yelling, taking toys away, distracting...EVERYTHING.

I dont know what to do. He will do things like say " I want to hurt the baby", OR "I want to kill the baby". He tells me he dosnt like me. He spits. He dosn't listen to anything I say, no matter how many times I say it. He wont play with his toys, and occupies most of his time following me around, saying things that are mean, making obnoxious noises, and sticking out his tounge. Its very rare that I enjoy my time spent with him, because he just acts mean, and out of control.

I dont know what to do. He is actually a very smart kid...he can focus on a task for well over an hour, he can read, write, do simple math ect. He has many traits that identify with being gifted, which in itself, is a whole mess of different special needs.

Im at my wits end with him, though.

momtobe19
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Re: My 4 year old son is making me really angry

I dont have any advice because I had a child similiar to yours. he would not listen no matter what the consequence was. He was mean all the time. Just stick with what you are doing and keep punishing the bad behaviors. it will pass. I have an almost 6 year old now and hes getting better. not as bad as it use to be ( still minor difficulties).

MamaButterfly
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Re: My 4 year old son is making me really angry

Just focus on positive reinforcement when he does anything not naughty, and give him as much attention as you can. Stick with one consistent form of discipline and be patient. It's partially the age, and partially having to share you with a new sibling. Try to set aside something special to do just with him.

Amy Rox
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Re: My 4 year old son is making me really angry

Sorry to hear about how difficult things have been. I read that you just had your baby in early November... has the behavior started since then (or built up gradually since your pregnancy?) His behaviors all seem to be attention-seeking. Have you explicitly said to him "I will not pay attention to bad behavior?" and then used planned ignoring? If not, try it, but you must follow through on your word (with ignoring). Also, try to set aside time just for him and you, even 5 minutes twice per day. Never take this time away as a punishment. Use a timer if you need to. Finally, I think the obvious anger needs to be addressed head on and validated- "you are really angry about the new baby and sometimes you feel like you want to hurt him. let's talk about this." And while asking "why" is probably not constructive, making clear boundaries may help (you cannot hit the baby, just like you are not hit by anyone. we respect each others' bodies. When you get mad, you can do X, Y, Z.) Poor little guy, it must be very hard for him to adjust- which makes it doubly hard for you, mama! Hang in there.

boigrrrlwonder
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Re: My 4 year old son is making me really angry

I've been worrying that I'll see that kind of change in my child after the new baby comes. This article has given me things to think about as to how to ease this transition (and hopefully minimize some of the negative behaviors this transition can create): http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T064200.asp Maybe there will be something that'll help you?

acrane86
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Re: My 4 year old son is making me really angry

Hey,

sorry I was AWOL for a while.

Anyways, over the christmas holidays, and he was home with me, from school, things got a bit better. He is punished (time outs) pretty much the moment he acts out now (no more warnings), and the violent and obnoxious behaviour is going away. Also, I have turned the tv off for the most part. That seems to have calmed him down a bit.

He is spoiled, I hate to say it. He lives in a house with myself, grandfather, and husband. My grandfather gives him 100% attention, and my husband is very involved. My grandfather FEEDS him breakfest. I mean...puts the spoon to his mouth. We have discussed this many times, but he continues to do this. And Julian LOVES it. He has been an only child for almost 4 years. I dont think hes liking this change. But its getting a bit easier for him. We try to involve him as much as possible, and I am getting better at "getting down" any playing with him, with his games on the floor. We also take walks, I shower him every night, and he likes to help make dinner. All are helping.

Man is it ever frusteraing though!!!

Thanks for all the responses.