girl-mom

Community Advocacy and Support by and for Young Mothers

Is Oral Sex, Sex?

17 posts / 0 new
Last post
ellev
ellev's picture
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 8 months ago
Joined: 2005-02-08 02:32
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

I was just reading an article about teenagers considering oral sex not actual sex. I'm just wondering how many mamas think oral sex is sex or if it's something completely different. I guess I've never really thought of it as sex. Growing up, I thought of it as the step before actual intercourse. And even still today, when I speak about sex I'm not referring to oral sex.

HayleysMommy
HayleysMommy's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 4 months ago
Joined: 2005-02-03 01:17
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

Oral sex to me is the foreplay- the leading up to sex...or in some cases of bj's its just a way to relieve stress upon my guy. The definition of sex to me has to deal with penetration. That also can be conflicting though with lesbians because, only from what ive done, its a lot of foreplay and oral, with some penetration with a toy or a finger.

Geeze, im not even making sense to myself today :oops:

julie
julie's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 4 months ago
Joined: 2003-12-10 13:16
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

for me, viewing sex as penis in vagina intercourse would mean that i haven't "had sex" in 2.5 years. i think it's part of living in a heterosexist, male dominated society that other kinds of sex are considered not to "count." it feels like a way to discredit my relationship when someone says we don't really have sex. for me, sex is any kind of bodily intimacy between me and someone else. basically anything my face would turn red at having my parents walk in on.

When I see all these articles about how teens consider oral sex to not be sex I think it's more a function of all of the screwed up moralizing and lack of information that are thrust upon young people with regard to sexuality. there isn't any healthy acknowledgement that they may want to be sexual, or choose to be, and there's no guidance in navigating sexuality. so it seems like a coping strategy, like it's easier to take something that they want to do from under the "sex" umbrella, to avoid having to get into the controversial, confusing quicksand that is sex. i know i did this when i was younger...if i did x and y but not z with someone, and only z equals sex and sex equals all of the issues that YM magazine and sex ed and my parents told me would come along with it, then i can tell myself i'm in the clear from having to grapple with any of that. i would let the arbitrary definitions draw the boundaries of what i would feel, rather than looking at my feelings and working the other way. does that make sense?

RileysMama2B16
RileysMama2B16's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 10 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 22:30
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

I think that sex is whatever you want it to be. I consider oral sex, sex because its a REALLY intimate thing, and for me personally, I have to REALLY trust someone in order for me to allow then that close to me.

HannahsMomma
HannahsMomma's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 1 month ago
Joined: 2004-09-10 14:20
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

I consider it sex. To me, it is a bigger step than vaginal intercourse.

SkyKid45
SkyKid45's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-08 16:18
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

i never considered it sex, but julie your point makes a lot of sense. If i hear someone say i had sex with x person (of the oposite sex) i would assume that they had vaginal sex, but if it was 2 girls, i guess sex could be oral sex. Now you got me thinking about it. good topic.

Kyamo
Kyamo's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 6 months ago
Joined: 2005-01-28 06:25
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

To me, its just as much sex as intercourse is. I didn't consider myself a 'virgin' anymore after I had sex with my ex-gf. And right now, even though I'm with a male, its still just as much a part of our sex life as intercourse.

bearbear
bearbear's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 8 months ago
Joined: 2004-06-04 17:34
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

that's true, whenever i hear "i had sex with whomever" i think penis in vagina sex. But i guess you can define it however you want.
For me...i guess oral sex is sex.
I think I have to look up the definition, because "sex" is a short form isn't it? Instead of "sexual intercourse" and "oral sex"
hmmm, something to think about for sure.

kaya
kaya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 2004-04-25 02:21
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

oral sex is sex. vaginal sex is sex. anal sex is sex.

and just like you use protection for vaginal or anal sex, you should be using something with oral sex too. many STIs can be transmitted through oral sex, and you can get things like gonorrhea in your throat, not to mention hepatitis and herpes (and on and on). so considering it "foreplay" runs the risk of not taking adequate measures to protect yourself, when in reality any kind of sex (even oral!) puts you at risk for contracting something.

as for lesbian relationships, i think the lack of acknowledgement for "what is sex considered as?" means there is a lack of "we better use protection, for this sex we are having." STIs are not heterosexual issues only. but i know that a lot of girl play is done with this attitude that its all innocent or light hearted or cute or something, when sex is sex and we all need to be careful.

ok, i'm done lecturing now. i just get worried about it when i see people refer to things like oral sex or girl girl sex like its isn't REAL sex. and while most of us know that its good to use a condom for vaginal/anal penetration, i think not enough of us remember to use protection (condoms, female condoms, dental dams) for other types of sex too. if your partner doesn't think its necessary (like if they have the "but its not real sex" attitude), then i'd say they aren't worthy of getting to have sex with you anyways.

kaya
kaya's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 2004-04-25 02:21
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

and fwiw, i dunno about the states but in canada the legal definition for sex includes oral sex. so even the government sees it as more than just penis and vagina type stuff.

ellev
ellev's picture
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 8 months ago
Joined: 2005-02-08 02:32
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

You girls really got me thinking...

Is oral sex, sex? I guess it's really up to who you talk to. Maybe there is no right or wrong answer... After reading your posts, I have definitely got some re-examining to do. Thanks for all the feedback, mamas!

mae
mae's picture
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 10 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-19 17:34
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

Yes, oral sex is definitely sex, in my opinion. This reminds me of a study I just read. Teens who make abstinance pledges have higher rates of STIs than teens who do not. They are more likely to engage in oral and anal sex. Also, when they do have sex involving a panis penetrating a vagina, they are less likely to use condoms. Yet, abstinance only education is working wonders!!

If there was more open dialogue, I think sex would be a more inclusive term. You always hear as a kid - Sex is for making babies! It makes sense that thoughts like, " Well, this does not result in pregnancy - I guess it's not sex.." would follow. Sex needs to be discussed more, and not just in a way that is centered on pregnancy.

mae
mae's picture
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 10 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-19 17:34
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

Holy spelling and grammatical errors, Batman!

MamaButterfly
MamaButterfly's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 months 4 weeks ago
Joined: 2004-11-12 21:57
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

Oral sex is definitely sex. To me, oral sex is more intimate than "missionary" sex, which is more intimate than hand sex, but not quite as intimate as anal sex. Any time a part of your genitals touches another person in an intimate way, it is sex.

IndigosMama
IndigosMama's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-09 19:58
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

My definition of sex fluctuates pretty freely. It's honestly a case-by-case deal. It isn't necessarily vaginal intercourse or oral sex or whatever. And it isn't necessarily what results in orgasm, either. I guess it would be the peak of intensity in a sexual scene, both emotional and physical. When your heart gets pounding and you're crying out for more. That is sex. yeah. Sometimes I have vaginal intercourse without really feeling like I've had sex. I could probably think of a time when I've felt like I had sex without taking off any clothes.

But the issue of protection as it relates to this subject is totally critical. Having a loose definition of sex like this (or a more strict "penetration only" definition) can create sketchy territory. One of the privileges of a "fluid bonded" relationship is not having to think about that all the time.

mommy2chloerae
mommy2chloerae's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 8 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 18:33
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

kaya wrote:
oral sex is sex. vaginal sex is sex. anal sex is sex.

and just like you use protection for vaginal or anal sex, you should be using something with oral sex too. many STIs can be transmitted through oral sex, and you can get things like gonorrhea in your throat, not to mention hepatitis and herpes (and on and on). so considering it "foreplay" runs the risk of not taking adequate measures to protect yourself, when in reality any kind of sex (even oral!) puts you at risk for contracting something.

Thanks for saying this! When I did a report countering the abstinence only education in schools today the stats said that many teens who felt that oral sex wasn't sex also thought that by having oral sex they were safer from STD/Is.

I feel that oral sex is sex.

SkyKid45
SkyKid45's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-08 16:18
Is Oral Sex, Sex?

my sister and i were talking about this and what she said was interesting. She said that there is a difference between having sex, making love, and fucking. (this is her opinion remember) sex is just the mechanical penis in vagina to reproduce, making love is more, caring and intimate, and fucking is just to get off and feel good for a minute. That makes a lot of sense to me. Like having sex= penis in vagina, but making love can be anything like anal, oral sex, or any intimate thing, including vaginal sex.