kids and swearing.

I personally will try and keep my daughter from saying them until she learns which situations are okay for them and which aren't.

If she were to say "Fuck!" when hurting her hand or something in class she could get into trouble for it and until she knows that "in class it isn't okay, with friends it may be okay, etc" I don't want her to say them at all.

It's not that I feel she should conform to society, but there are places and times for things like word usage and I want her to know that.

Honestly, I do swear (kind a lot.) I seriously doesn't bother me THAT much, as long as she doesn't call someone a "fuckhead" or something haha... even though I say that a lot when driving. I tell her she shouldn't say those words in front of others, but in front of me, I don't really care that much. She doesn't really say those words ever though, sometimes she'll say, well once she said, "Mom you gotta fix daddy's fucking car again?" LOL because I had said something like that. But I haven't heard her say like, "Fucking blah blah..." fora while.

my kid went though a phase where he would say those words quite often. i didn't make a big deal of it. i told him he can say them at home, but nor at other people's houses or daycare. he hardly ever swears anymore; i think if i would have made a big deal out of it, he would get a bigger thrill out of swearing.

Same with Lyric (I think our kids are around the same age??) because around Alexa's age Lyric did a few times and thought it was pretty funny. Now I think she understands more and doens't really care...

mine just turned 5. he liked to swear when he was about 3.

yeah Lyric is 4, she was around that age when she did that, too... she has pretty much grown out of it.

profanity is my indulgence. kayleigh says god damn and shit. everytime her daddy passes gas, she goes " got dammmm" which is always the icebreaker when we got my parents house. personally im not offended by cursing, but sometimes its a bit much, like when people overuse a curse word to the point you dont understand them. also people look at you differently when you curse and i dont want my daughter penalized in school for having a " potty mouth" like her mother, so for now all bets are off, no cursing, period.

Eric can't swear much but onetime i swear he flicked off a driver after I did. If he starts swearing I probably won't make a big deal out of it when he is younger just because he doesnt get it. But if he is older I will explain to him when and where you can use those words but I know there will be slip ups, and I guess its not the biggest deal to me.

omg have i been saying it wrong this whole time? i say "flipped off" :oops:

I think it depends on where you live. I say flicked off and so do all my friends but my cousins out east say flipped. In a way flipped makes more sense, i mean you arent flicking them off you right...?

haha i guess not. my step brother uses his pointer finger (hes 5) and thinks he's so bad ass lol..

I would be very disappointed in myself if I heard Tavin speaking that way (because that would mean he'd have picked it up from me, most likely). I hope he never says those words and don't know how I would deal with it if he did.

I feel the same, Erika. It took a lot of work, but I worked hard at erasing profanity from my vocabulary while I was pregnant. I still slip and say it once in a while when he's not around, but I refuse to swear or make rude/ill-mannered gestures in front of Trey and it's a conscious effort. I personally do see a problem with swearing whether it's coming from children or adults, I think it's completely disrespectful. I'd rather work on letting my son know why we don't say these things, or do certain things, out of respect for everyone around him. I think teaching kids that "this is wrong, so it's okay if you do it in front of me, but not in public" is wrong. It shows that it's not swearing that's actually the problem, but those silly people that could be offended by it! That's kind of invalidating. Their offense and wishes ARE valid. The problem is not within people who would rather not hear it, but with those who say/do it.

To me swearing doesn't bother me to be completely honest. I won't care if Lyric swears when she's older. She doesn't say swear words now, just when she was younger - like I said she pretty much grew out of it. To me saying "what the fuck?" is not disrepectful, but I do see that it can be towards others. I obviously don't swear at work for obvious reasons. And I do understand that other people's feelings are valid when they DO find those words offensive. Things people say can be offensive to me, too but I don't think they should NOT say them just because it is offensive to me. People can say whatever they want & will...

But isn't it better to try and teach your child to NOT be one of those people who does what they want, regardless of people's feelings?

I'd just personally like to teach my kid to speak respectfully, and I don't think swearing is respectful (not that I don't say fuck, shit, and damn probably every day...I don't say them around my child and would prefer that other people didn't, either...I wish I could stop saying them altogether). I also would like to teach him how to speak proper English and that doesn't include those words, nor does it include "words" like ain't, for example. I think it sounds horrible.

If my kid went to school and said any of those words to his teacher I would be sooo embarrassed.

I don't agree. I feel that there are places and times for everything. Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable to run around screaming and others it is not. If we're outside playing and having a blast my daughter can do it, but inside like church, a movie theater or a store I don't let her.

I'm not saying I like swearing at all, and I did say that I won't let my daughter do it in my presence until I feel she can understand the weight of her words in situations, and even then I'd let her know I don't care for those words. I do think it's sad when parents encourage swearing since that energy can be much better used on something else.

Yes and I do teach my child those things. To me, swearing isn't a huge deal... those so many things that I have done with my kid that have hurt people's feelings or offended them. But I still do it. Like I brought my kid to a small anti-circus protest once and I had people tellng me "how sad" it was... she should be enjoying the circus, this is so offensive, blah blah... BUT because I think it's wrong to go to the circus and I don't want my child to go to it - I still participated in the anti-circus event. I also bring her to pro-choice rallies and I know it offends people, but I am also teaching my child how she can stand up for her rights. Yes, these may be totally different than swearing, but... at a rally Lyric was wearing a pro-choice shirt - some people made comments, but oh well. Maybe I am disregarding their feelings, but I was standing up for something I believed in.

I don't know. I see a huge difference in protesting and standing up for what you believe in, and swearing. Is swearing something you strongly believe in? Are people who swear, oppressed or tortured like circus animals? Not really. I don't think it's a valid comparison.

Maybe I'm one of those "silly uptight" people because I take offense with profanity. You do your thing, I'll do mine. I personally though, would rather see my son as educated as he can be on manners, respectfulness, and word again Erika, proper speaking. I'm a grammer girl, I correct all grammer in my household and I make an effort to teach my son proper words. There's not going to be any "ohhhh baby just went pooh pooh stinky!", or swear words, or any thing like that. I place high value on linguistics and respect. Perhaps too much value, but that's neither here nor there. I can understand if others don't place as much, or place higher value on other aspects that I may not focus on myself. Was just wondering.

I am not offended by swearing such as oh shit when something fell on my toe. I think what I will do (obviously I don't yet!) is teaching kids the difference between swearing at someone and swearing in general. I don't think those words are harmful like other words. I would MUCH prefer my kid to be saying oh shit when he/she dropped something on his/her foot than "that is so gay" or "that is so retarded." To me if it more important to have my kids learning what offends people versus what words are just called bad words. I mean what is so wrong with shit? It means the same thing as poop.

Proper English? By what defintion? Yours? Websters Dictionary? I understand the point you are trying to make but that was really snobby and elitist sounding of you. What if a person simply cannot speak your defintion of proper english. Old English dialect actually uses the word "ain't" and many other words you would find "embarrasing"

Will you be teaching your child that people who speak with such words should be embarrased about themselves? That it is not proper? It seems like a very closed minded point of view to adopt.

As for it embarrasing you, why would it exactly? Becuase all of the other children don't say it? Becuase you worry what it would reflect about your own parenting style? I am genuinely curious why.

I don't advocate swearing to my children and I think they are aware that some words simply aren't appropriate.

Being socially aware is one thing. Being socially inhibited is another.

I totally agree. People may speak differently than you for social cohesiveness to their own group or sub culture, because of the way they were brought, up lack of traditional formal education for example. It doesn't mean their language is not as good or as proper.

example: black english/ "ebonics"

I think that I am teaching him that by not allowing him to swear in front of people offended by it

Maybe before you call someone snobby and elitist, you might want to, oh, you know, ASK what they meant first, right?

Did you know that propriety is a word often used to describe rules and correctness?

Proper is also used to describe something set by rules and protocal. In this case, she would rather her son use English as it's been set by rules.

I'm sure she wasn't saying that anyone who talks differently is below her. It's how she chooses to speak, it's how she chooses to teach her son, to go by proper rules set in English, instead of slang or profanity.

And, by the way, not all black people speak with ebonics, and not all who speak with ebonics are black; to assume that they do or perpetuate the stereotype by calling ebonics "black english" is really offensive.

See I agree with that...

i am in agreeance with erika and naivete. i do not allow riley to use those words as i have tried really hard to not use them myself. when she does say them i try to not make a big deal out of it... and tell her that just becuase i say it at times, doesnt mean it is right. I also correct her use of english at all times, and make a point to expect correct grammer at all times. i dont hink its elitist at all, to expect my child to speak in the way that is going to be expected of her at school in our community and around home.

How is it closed-minded for me to want my child to speak a form of English that is conducive to #1 the educational environment (which is the #1 thing that is emphasized in my home...EDUCATION) and academic success, and #2 the understanding of other people who speak English, including people who speak it as a second/third/etc. language?

I don't really care how other people speak, but as naivete said, I would rather my son use the English language as it is taught in schools and as it is used in academia.

And yes, the way my child behaves and speaks in public does reflect my parenting style. I would prefer that the ways he behaves and speaks in public both reflect my parenting style rather than that which I do not practice. Don't most people feel that way?

I know what you were trying to say here, and i completely agree, not all black people speak with ebonics. That is a completely ridiculous stereotype. BUT there is something called the BEV, the Black English Vernacular. It is really stupid that it is called that because people of all races speak in that dialect but I do not think it is accepting to only accept what we consider standard english as the way to go. This is why the SATs are completey unfair.

I have more information on this if anyone wants to hear it when I am not studying for a huge test on Socioeconomic class. :(

I swear more than I would like to, and sometimes Zoe swears. When she does I explane to her that the word that she just used is somethign that upsets people, and that I don't want her to say it.
When she swore the first time, it surprized me more than anything (mostly because I realized I desparatly needed to clean up my mouth), and I didn't really say anything about it because she really was to little to understand any explanation. But now, I think she's sworn three times in the past 6 months. Considering the folks she hangs out with, it's pretty amazing, but I think that she really understands what I say when I explane to her that people get upset when she swears (we used the, "Some people get upset when we get naked in public, which is why we don't get naked in public" analogy which is one she is very familular with).

I think that the desire for our children to learn what is considered "proper" english isn't nessisarily a bad thing, but I also think that it's really important for us to look at why we consider "proper" english to be "proper" and what the cultural/social implications are of that.

I think that the wording is ... off putting to me. I think that it gives the implication that other forms of english are second rate, and uneducated -- without a base or culture, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

I understand what Erica was saying when she said that she wants her sone to speak proper english, but well - I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I didn't find it deeply offencive or anything, but the implications of what "proper" english ment did jump out at me, right away, after reading what she wrote.