I don't know if this goes here, but...
Today at work I received news that a co-worker of mine lost her husband. She is a young mother with a 2 year old and one on the way (she's due in January). Of course, she is devestated and in shock. I really want to help her in whatever way I can, but I don't know how to deal with it. I've never been in a situation like this and am at a loss as to how I can help her grieve, cope, whatever she needs to do at this point. I know they are setting up a donation fund for the kids, but I'm not in a position to give much financially. How should I approach this? Should I wait until she comes to me or should I reach out and let her know I'm here whenever she needs me?? What should I do? I really, truly want to help her because I can only imagine how painful her situation is. Any suggestions would really be appreciated. Thanks.
send her a card or email or whatever... just let her know that you are there. in times like this (my father died) i did not want people all over me.. i wanted to take my time and know that people where there when i was ready
If you wait for her to come to you, it might never happen. Some people aren't able to ask for help when they need it. If you want to approach her and offer your help, but don't know what to say to her, you could start with "the first truth first". You could tell her that you don't know what she is going through, or that you know nothing you say can make things better, and aren't quite sure what to say. But, if she ever needs anything she can come to you.
I have another suggestion. A friend of the family lost her adult son almost two years ago and everyone was very supportive and sympathic to her at first. After about 6 months, everyone else was "over it" and expected her to be also. It sounds as though the woman you work with will have a lot of support initially, which is great. But, keep in mind as time passes that she will still be dealing with her grief and will probably need a listening ear and someone that won't have expectations on how long it "should" take her to come to terms with her husbands death.
Offer to go over and make dinner, clean up, or do laundry. She might find a break from the everyday helpful. When my grandmother passed away when I was a child, I remember my mother's (who is single) coworkers comming over to make dinner for all of us. Also, you might want to make a care package of different frozen casseroles she can just throw in the oven.
Definately dinner. During a hard time, its those little things that make a huge diference.
Offer to babysit. Mourning is the hardest thing, I can't imagine how one would find the time to properly mourn and deal with things, when they don't have any time to themselves. I can't imagine looking after a 2 year old without a break and trying to grieve at the same time. If you offered to look after the little one so that she can have some alone time now and then, that'd probably be helpful.
I was going to say, ask her if she needs help and let her know you are there if she needs to talk. That way she wont feel pressured and you will know that she knows where you are.
Definitely, offer to take her kid if she wants some alone time, or take her out to eat and arrange for a babysitter if necesary.
When my bf died all I wanted was people around.. I was terrified to be alone! . . .Honestly just being able to talk about it, talk about him, was the thing that helped most, it was the people who came to just sit and listen to me that I will always remember...
Thanks. Those are really great suggestions and I'm definitely going to offer her whatever I possibly can.
Everyone wants to help and it can be overwhelming right after a death.
The hardest time in the process of grief for me (my father passed away) was 5 or six months after the fact when I felt like no one cared anymore. Everyone who wasn't part of my immediate family seemed to be done grieving. THey'd moved on, and I was stuck wishing I could talk to my dad one more time, or that I could buy him a birthday gift.
Send a card or food now. But drop her another note in a few months, when the initial shock has worn off for her.