My BD is being horrific lately... we've been apart for two years now, and he got out of jail last year after serving eight months on drug/domestic violence charges. I've recently fallen in love with a wonderful person, and am in the process of moving in together. As expected, BD's reaction has been angry and threatening. Recently, he's brought it up that he's pursuing full custody of our daughter...
... I know that there's not much of a shot for him to win this case.... Intellectually, I know that... but there's a part of me that is so amazingly terrified and aghast at the idea of it ever happening. This little girl is everything to me, and I'm so scared.... I don't want to hear all my mistakes dragged through court (I worked in the adult industry for awhile when he refused to work) and I'm not wanting to experience how painful I know this may be.... I can't stand to think of ever losing her....
Sorry... I guess I'm rambling... I could just really use any feedback from those of you strong mummas who've been here.... any support... thanks.
terrified of the custody battle...
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Thu, 2005-12-15 19:45
#1
terrified of the custody battle...
The best way to set your mind at ease would be to go and talk to a lawyer. Many of them will do free consultations, and then you'll find out exactly what your rights are and what his (bd's) rights are, etc.
It really doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. You provide a safe, clean, loving enviornment and meet all your child's needs. He does not. I don't think that it sounds like he has a leg to stand on.
do you think he is a threat to you and your daughter? If he is, you could get a restraining order and that makes it nearly impossible to get physical custody of her. There is no way they would give him full physical custody of her unless you were deemed an unfit parent. Also, if he does get visitation you can ask that they go to a specific meeting spot, such as your moms house or someone else you trust, otherwise there are centers for fathers to go see their children that are supervised. You drop her off, he goes and you dont even have to see him. They are usually supervised by social workers. The court will appoint you a lawyer if you want one and I suggest getting one, it will be free if you are low income and they know pretty much everything there is to know about custody, child support etc.
Good luck and let us know!
hes just jelous and angry hes an abuser and hes lost you he will make a fool out of himself in court not you he is unhappy and he wants you right there with him dont let it bother you if he has abusd you in the past and is trying to manipulate and coherce you now get an ex parte dont let him have your new address and seek supervised visitation because many abusers flee with the children or hurt them to get back at the mom 4 movin on i know what your going through ive goon through it and he will continue to look 4 ways to terrorize you get the EXPARTE and stay strong and happy
In this case, my personal opinion is to NOT get a lawyer. The reason is this may provoke him to get one too. if he already has one or has no measn to get one, then go ahead.
He sounds like a controlling jerk who KNOWS that your daughter means the world to know. He has no intention or desire to really care for her. But right now, he's winning whether he gets custody or not because you are afriad. An abuser's goal is to make the victim feel insufficent and small. He is succeeding.
I'm sure its really scary but it sounds like everything is in your favor. You are already her main (sole) caregiver, he was in jail, you are the mother, etc. I wouldn't waste money on a lawyer at this point. Get one if you know for sure he has one.