I'll try to explain this right.
My BD and I are not together but the children are his. My new SO that I have been dating for about a year and a half and I are starting to get serious and look to the future.
The thing is, I am done having babies. When we first met, he didn't want any kids and wasn't sure if he even wanted step kids. He obviously cahnged his mind about my little ones and then, wham, out of nowhere decides he wants a child in the future between us. PROBLEM.
I really don't want to go through another pregnancy, let alone birth, nurse and mama another infant/toddler. He feels it's something he needs and wants for the two of us. I just feel at a loss. I'm a bit angry he changed his mind but of course, he has every right and I'm worried about what this means for our relationship. Anyone else dealt with this?
While I've never dealt with it I can assume its a sticky situation. Are you deadset against having anymore? Is he willing to move alittle on the baby situation? What about adoption? I know thats what my grandparents did to have a baby of their "own" (since they both had kids from previous marriages). Have you thought about couples counseling?
Wow, that must be really tough. I'm remarried and when I entered the relationship I told him that I had no desire to have any more kids. He was a little dissapointed because he always planned to have them, but then found that raising my kids was plenty.
Now, 3 years later, i have changed my mind and I am actively trying to get pregnant.
I think what's important is that you both have a sense of unity AND flexibility. You both need to agree that your relationship and being together is most important, and you need tyo respect the desires of one another. I think that it would be better to not ahve any children, because there is alot of pressure involved in raising a child you don't want.
i think you should just repeatedly explain to him how you feel about the situation. if you're worth sticking around for, with or without another child (which you definitely should be for him), then if you decide later as the above did that you want to have children, you'll know you're having them for the right reasons and you won't ever resent your child. if you don't have kids and he still made the decision to be with you, he can never resent you for not changing your mind.
thanks for the advice. He says he just loves me so much it seems almost wrong not to create out of that. I guess I will just have to see how things play out and hope for the best.
I bet, as time goes on, his desire will be met with practicality. I've had those feelings too of wanting to make a baby just ebcause of my storng feelings for another person.
When I told my boyfriend (not the BD) I was looking into tubal litigation, he was like "nooo, I want to have kids together". I told him sorry, but I really don't want to go through pregnancy, more than likey having gestational diabetes again, possible morning sickness, pregnancy weight gain, pre-natal appts, pre-natal vitamins, birth, possible PPD again, milk-filled breasts, changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night, washing spit up off clothes, the floors, and all the other aspects of infant-care and parenting. I mean, I went into GREAT detail to show how much I don't want to do it again, but he says he feels it's an experience he wants to have in life.
I don't think I'll ever change my mind on not having kids and I don't know if he'll stay with me if that time comes, but for now he's not ready to have his own and I'm happy about that.
My son is still in diapers, I don't even want to think about having more kids.
Hang in there Mama.. sounds like your in a pretty frustrating position, but stay strong.. If you dont want another baby, thats your choice.. Also, I think you should sit down sith your SO and have a talk about this.. he needs to know your position on things..