i dont understand why people look down and belittle pregnant teens. why are ppl so close minded and up tight about everything.. why cant we be treated like regular ppl. i mean my family isnt even supporting me. they practically kill me with all their harsh words and ways.. im getting kicked out this friday and they arnt giving me a cent. ughhhhh i hate everything. :cry:
I don't think there's any clear cut answer to why we're treated like crap or why people feel they are entitled to judge us or our situations. The reasons (as stupid, immature, or just plain mean as they can be) vary from person to person. Many feel that because they weren't ready for the responsibilities at that age that no one is, some have religious objections, some have witnessed less than stellar parenting and stereotype based on that, etc. None of the reasons make it okay, they just may explain the headspace a person is in when they are making rude comments or having no compassion.
I think anytime you do something that is different than the "norm" or what is expected of you, you're going to face some opposition and stir up some people that aren't willing to accept that not everything fits into their set of ideals or values, but that doesn't mean you're in the wrong. Stick to what you feel is right and do your best at what you plan on doing.
There's also a lot of assumption that teen moms are promiscuous or generally "bad." And there's the fact that a higher-than-average number of teen moms are POC, low income, or otherwise underprivileged, and some people think those factors make you somehow less fit to raise a child. There's also the stigma on women who use social services. There's the assumption that you're going to drop out of school (or not go to college) because of your kid (why this matters I don't know, but some people think everyone must be run through the education mill regardless of their desires or inclinations). And, in the last century or so, a stigma has been placed on Western women who choose to raise their children while living with their parents; this one is particularly silly, since that's how it was done for the last 100 million years or so....grr!
And then there's the conservative Judeo-Christian/Muslim belief that premarital sex is evil, combined with the modern ideal of the nuclear family where Mommy and Daddy provide for absolutely all of their children's needs and seeking outside support is wrong.
-Grace
Wow, Those are great responses Mama's!
I don't think I have a word left in my mouth!
I'm 21 next Saturday, and I get this all the time. I couldn't imagine being younger, I'd have to toughen up!
When I got pregnant I was working at a Bank, and BD was in University and farming. We were both raised rather privledged. And so is our daughter to date. The biggest thing in our area, is "Will he drop out of school, will she go back to work, and let the babysitter raise the kid, once they can't handle it.....?"
No, No, and No!
We wanted our daughter, we will raise our daughter, and she will have what she needs, and desires. In a place like we live, I'm not worried about what she gets.... I'm worried about taking her places so she sees how others live, I'm worried about developing her empathy and infashioning her character!
All the things you can't throw money at!
what makes you think that your parents should give you money?? you need to prove to them that you can do this on your own...
yeah i was wondering the same thing, why do you think that they should give you money?
i dont know about proving yourself. how old is the OP? i think its amazing how parents kick out their 14 year olds knowing they cant even get jobs and then refuse to acknowledge the logic of them starving to death. i think children are entitled. not for their own right but as a parent i can not decide to just stop providing for my kid, when i brought my daughter home from the hospital i was saying to the whole world, i will be responsible, i will care and provide for this child till she can do it for herself.
Obviously due to legal issues 14 are not legally able to take care of themselves and it is bad parenting to kick your kid out after you commited your self to raising them.
in my opinion i would demand an explination for why my parents felt able to just cut short their responsiblities to their children at their will, i know this is idealistic but what about unconditional love?
to the OP, my parents kicked me out when i was 17, my mother gave me an ultimatum, and you know what? I walked through that front door and never looked back. My parents have cried themselves to sleep for years over their folly, its sad but your parents will ultimentally regret their actions. But as adults we must all accept the consiquences of our actions.
as for why people look down on teen parents, for my family it was a moral question, i had commited an immoral act and should be thrown upon the jagged rocks of life to reap my punishment for my sins. not everyone feels like this but many do, even if they do not hold themselves to this standard.
Being 14 and getting kicked out of the house without any penny will surely be tough. I hope your parents become somewhat easier on you and maybe the three of you can strike a compromise.
I agree with the posts of the other women here about the reasons why women like us are looked down upon by other people. The reasons and varied and diverse, depending upon each individual. However, one reason I would like to add is the lack of understanding. People are often critical of the things they dont understand. I myself was guilty of this just before I got pregnant. I didnt know what it was like to be a young mom so I was quick to judge. Oftentimes I hope that those people who look down upon us would really know what it is like. They dont know that instead of ridiculing us, they should respect us because at such young ages we are able to fight for what we believe in.
Like you, Im also hoping that everything will be alright.
I stopped caring being looked down upon. They don't know me... they dont' know what I have done and gone through... so oh well.
I never expected my parents to give me money or anything... They have helped me out when I needed it... I'm sorry you are going through this - good luck!
Do you have a place to go? If not, there is alot of help out there for teen moms.
I can't imagine what this is like? You're 14? I don't understand parents reacting this way.
I was 21 when I got pregnant and at the time I was living with my BD at his parents' house until we found an apartment, and the moment his mother found out she was like "She's gotta go" (referring to me). Luckily, I had family to come back to and had already set plans to leave that week. However, they kicked me out that very night (and my bd just stood there and did nothing and surely didn't go with me!) but at least they got me a hotel room until i could get a flight out the next morning. What you're dealing with, being a teen mom in itself, is hard enough, but for people to add more emotional strain than you're already under...i just don't understand people. I hope that your parents remember that no matter what that you are their child and your child is their grandchild, and someday your baby will be all grown up and asking his or her grandparents "Why?"
The mention of the last statement shut my bd's brother up when he was talking crap about me. Maybe someone will bring this to your parents' attention.