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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

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freakntrish
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

I feel like I am lost. I am 7 weeks pregnant. I am caucasian and the father is Mexican. He is illegal but works with illegal documentation. I don't know what my options are as far as marriage is concerned. I don't even know how he will be put on the birth certificate. I have searched the internet for days, but can only find info on anchor babies. I had to sign up for the medical card today, because I am a student. They wanted to know all about the father, and said if I didn't provide his s.s.c and etc I would not be able to get further help. I am graduating next quarter with a degree in education. I know I can support this child, so why is it so important to disclose any info about him. I am so confused. Any help you could give me is appreciated.
thanks,
danielle
p.s. I am concerned he is going to be deported and I will be left alone. Would they do that even if he is a father, and how can he become legal.

erinn
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

if you marry him, i dont know if he can be deported.

IndigosMama
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

isn't marriage one of the primary means by which a person can become a citizen? or at least get a green card? I know very little about imigration law, but I think marriage is a pretty safe bet. I wonder if it would be safe to tell anyone who asks that he is a mexican citizen, living in mexico. Might be worth looking into, but I wouldn't suggest telling any lies about him without doing some real research.

Does your school have a law or pre-law program? If so, you might be able to go in there and just ask some questions about immigration law, marriage, and having children. Don't ask them what you should do in your situation, because they probably won't want the liability of giving you free, informal legal counsiling. But they might be able to give you the info so that you can decide for yourself, or refer you to someone who can give you free legal advice.

freakntrish
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thanks

Thanks for the replys. We don't have a law program, unfortunatly. I was thinking about going to the INS office with a hypothetical situation, and going from there. I am not ready to spend thousands of dollars on a lawyer yet. I still havn't told my parents, because I am waiting until I think the highest risk of misscarriage is over. They are usually my voice of reason.
Thanks a lot!
p.s. I have thought about telling them he is a mexican citizen living in Mexico. That is the story I will stick with till I can straighten out the mess. Well, I have to go take two finals now. There is never a dull moment.

mamamayhem
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

DO NOT put the fake ssn on any paperwork. I know that's not what you were talking about, but still you could get him in a lot of trouble if the person who really owns it gets tracked down.

I used to date illegal immigrant, so I know a little about it. I don't think you can get married unless he was already in this country legally, like on a visa or something. You might be able to get married in mexico, but that's expensive and risky.

What I think your best bet is, is to say you don't know who the father is. Part of me wishes I'd said that to avoid a lot of BS with my ex, who's american but regardless. If he's a decent guy, and you think he's worth it, say you don't know who the father is. They're not going to have medical card people waiting in your delivery room so he can still be there, just can't put his name on the cert. They can't deny you medical assistance based on that either.

If you've already said mexican cit living in mexico, stick to it. There's really nothing they can do about that. But you run into again, not being able to put his name on the cert. It's a complicated situation. My ex boyfriend's brother's gf was in the same boat, I'm not sure how they handled it. I wish I was still in contact with her cause I'd ask...

erinn
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

i dont think it is illegal to marry a person who is not legally here. otherwise we wouldnt have immigration due to marriage laws!!! once his child is born in the u.s. i think that he does have some rights, though im hazy on all of this

meghan
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

Immigration from marriage is a long, long, pain-in-the ass process. My best friend married an Italian last year and it took a year, two weddings (one Italian, one in the US), a boatload of documentation and numerous meetings with the INS (now part of Department of Homeland Security) and ten months of waiting to secure a green card. And he was a documented legal resident.

Spouses of citizens do NOT automatically get citizenship. After three years, you can apply for citizenship, but it takes the same lengthy process it takes all other citizen applicants. until then, what you get if you're lucky is a green card.

Chicamocha
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

just as a warning some people might take offense to pointing out the point that hes mexican.

i agree that you shouldn't put his fake SSN down... it could cause problems.

julie
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

i don't think the point was that his ethnicity is mexican, but that his nationality and citizenship are.

marrying a non-citizen can be difficult because they (whatever the INS has become) want to make sure you aren't doing it just to get him citizenship. i would think that being pregnant would help in this case, given the government's desire to reduce unwed motherhood and aid to single mothers.

when I got government help, I didn't want them to go after child support for me, so i put the father as "unknown." the case worker i had was actually not judgmental, but i know that some are. once we got through the initial paperwork, it never came up again.

You can always add his name to the birth certificate later. My son is five and a half and only recently got an official father.

Good luck with this, and I hope you are able to find out some rock solid information. It seems like a lot of us have an idea, but aren't certain on everything.

g_moonglitter
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

i think you should step back a second from the situation.

1- do you want to continue the pregnancy? regardless of immigration status, you should answer this question AS IF the father decides not to have anything to do with you or the kid, or changes his mind in a year, or gets deported, or decides to live in Mexico.

2- is the relationship healthy? do you want to be with this person forever? is he good to you? does he respect you? will you both be able to discuss the variety of cultural issues that will come up? like if his immigration status is dependent on you, is he able to deal with that? its quite a challenge to have a trans-cultural, trans-national relationship. have you talked through this with him, the power dynamics, his ideas of gender roles, money, work, your ideas of parenting??

immigration is challenging, but it shouldn't be the basis of deciding to get married or have a kid.

from what i understand, if you get married, he gets temporary status in the US & you go thru lots of paperwork & money to prove that you got married for true love & not for citizenship. then like after 2 years of marriage, his status gets changed to perminant status. its an intrusive, costly process.

freakntrish
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

Rebex- No offense, but I spend every waking moment worrying about these issues. If I were going to have an abortion I would have done it already. I like to think I can do this myself, if something were to happen. Like I said in the original post, I will be teaching next year and have great parents.
And again, like I said in the first post we have always planned to get married. All the issues about the relationship you listed are somethings every couple go through eventually. That is why we say marriage vowels.

The last paragraph was nice. I wish you would have stuck to it!

For future reference, I need immigration advice "not relationship advice with my mexican boyfriend".

freakntrish
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

One more thing. Jenni, for some reason whenever I read your post I feel like I'm talking to Ethel Bunker. Why is that?

naivete
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

Uh, why you being such a snark?

You can't dictate what sort of responses you're going to get. That's the beauty of communities, you ask for advice you're going to get a whole realm of it, some of it might be necessary, some might not be, but it's completely rude to point out which is and which isn't, alright? Especially to say something as.. completely weird and non relevant as your last comment to Jenni. People are trying their best to be helpful and nice, how about you do the same?

As per immigration, marriage is NOT a sure call. My father married a woman in Latvia in October. It took 5 months for them to even be approved for her to come VISIT Canada. She's now on a year VISA here, and they're working further on getting her to be a Canadian citizen, but it's a long drawn out process and isn't guaranteed just because they're married.

g_moonglitter
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

woozer. just so you know, anyone asking about getting married & having kids would get that response.

maybe if you JUST want immigration advice, you should contact a lawyer. not a feminist, pro-choice, radical, young mom internet board.

many of us have dated & loved folks who aren't from the usa, or don't have 'documents', or whatnot. these are the issues we all think about.

felicitaciones con tu emberazado.

julie
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

dtokie, i understand it can feel kind of insulting to have people point out things you think are obvious, but look at the intentions that the women posting here have had. no one has talked down to you or said, "hey idiot, did you even THINK of this?" so i think your response was rather aggressive. we're all in this to help, share stories, support, and advice. pregnancy can be such a whirlwind that many times we do need someone to say, "slow down chica, make sure you don't forget this part!" because our heads are buzzing with different emotions and hopes and fears and ideas, not to mention the hormone surges pregnancy brings. and there's nothing wrong with that.

i meet a lot of mamas, young and old, who wish that someone had said, "hey, don't base your choice off thinking your man will be around the whole time, because he may not." being a single mama can be awesome, but also difficult, and i'd rather someone not get blind-sided by solo parenting. i prefer to err on the side of questioning the man's committment, rather than give a woman what may be false security about her relationship. because many of us have been happily partnered, soulmated, married, committed, "til death do us part" ed, and then been the sole bill payer, boo-boo kisser, butt-wiper a few weeks or months or years down the road.

as for ethel bunker, i don't get it, but i'm thinking it may be an insult...if so, i think you owe jenni an apology.

emily
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

dtokie wrote:
Like I said in the original post, I will be teaching next year and have great parents.

You really think that if you continue your pregnancy you'll be teaching next year? Do you have -any- idea how hard it is to find childcare (especially for an infant), or even just GET A JOB when you have a child? Sure, employers are supposed to be supportive of working parents, but the reality is, they'll take someone who's unattatched over someone that is. Don't get me wrong, I think your goal is very admirable, and probably very do-able but you need to be prepared in the event that something goes wrong.

You need to check yourself. you're new here. People are -trying- to help you, you should atleast try to be a little more receptive.

...and really, you don't NEED to be in this situation. Abortion is still perfectly legal (in most states :p) and is your RIGHT... as it should be to all women, REGARDLESS of their views on the subject. We're very supportive of that here. I'm not telling you to do anything, but you should atleast consider the realities of being a single parent. It's not just about affording it financially, it's also about affording it emotionally...

*deep breath*

ANYWAY... You can tell the medicaid people that you don't know who the father is, they can't really do anything about that. It was a one-night stand, you were intoxicated... whatever. If at a later date things are going well with you and your boyfriend, he gets a work Visa, you get married... whatev. - Then you can include his information, but I think for all intents and purposes, it's a good idea to just play it like you don't know who the dad is.

I'm sorry for coming off harshly... but 'round here we're normally very respectful of one another, you should keep that in mind when posting questions or responses. Like my mama always told me... you catch more flies with honey.... :p

Genbean
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

I actually work for the National Customer Service Center for USCIS (formerly INS), and I can help you with all the paperwork. Depending on when he entered and how he entered he may be able to stay is the US but there's a $1000 penalty and there are other costs as well. I actually made a post with with all the forms and fees. I'll try to find it for you. Otherwise you can get married in the US but he may have to leave and re-enter legally to gain permanent resident status. You also have the option of filing for him as a fiance, but again he would have to leave and re-enter for that. I don't really recommend a lawyer, they can be very pricey and it's no guarantee that after spending thousands of dollars on them you'll get approved, there are community based organizations that can help you with the paperwork that cost a lot less, and have higher sucess rates. It can be a difficult process, but I'd be happy to help!

Genbean
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

Here you go:
I actually work for the National Customer Service Center for USCIS (1-800-375-5283), I can tell you all the forms and give you an estimated time, ect. There's fee waivers available for all the forms, however when filing for for a spouse, part of the agreement is that you will support this person and keep them from becoming a public charge, so it can be detrimental to the possible outcome (however, there are other ways to file without him going through you, but they're more complicated and take longer). What kind of status did he enter the US on? In most cases a US citizen can file for a spouse as long as they entered legally (there are cases where they can file if they entered illegally as well, but again, more complicated). Right now the fees are: 585$ without work authorization and 785$ with work authorization. However, you also have to pay a doctor for the medical exam, and they can charge up to 300$ or more, but if you give me your zipcode I can look up your office and see if that can be delayed. As long as he entered legally, these are the forms you both would need to file:
I-130 $190
I-485 $395
I-693 (Doctor's fee)
I-864 (no filing fee but it does need to be notarized)
G-325a (2 with his info, 1 with yours. the form is actually 4 pages long, so that's 12 pages total)
I-765 $180 (optional, but allows him to get a social security card and a driver's license, it usually takes 90 days)
I-131 180$ (also optional, and I don't recommend it since I've talked to a lot of people whose cases have been denied because they traveled before their permanent residence was approved) you can download all the forms from the website http://www.uscis.gov
Also, if it's at all possible, don't move during the process. I know in some cases it's impossible not to, but if you can avoid it, do.
There's a Chicago PO BOX on the I-485 that all the forms get mailed to, separate checks for separate forms, all payable to 'Department of Homeland Security'. If you need help filling out the forms, I'd be glad to assist! Hope this helps!

Genbean
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

*forehead smack* that dosen't apply does it...

In your case, if he dosen't meet any the circumstances where he can get his status in the country, you would either file the I-129f (before marriage) or the I-130 (after marriage) both forms have to have a G-325a from both of you. I recommend the I-129f because it's faster, but either process should work.

g_moonglitter
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

genbean, i'm sending you a pm

freakntrish
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

I am sorry. I don't know what got into me. I swear I am going crazy. The comments were totally out of character for me. I really am not like that. I genuinly apoligize to Jenni and rebex. Please forgive me and feel free to comment anytime without me ridiculing your help. I really do appreciate it.
Thanks,
dtokie

g_moonglitter
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

someone just sent me a pm about my last comment-- clarifying, i wanted immigration info/help & didn't want to hijack this thread for my own personal stuff. nothing important, but i don't know if everyone checks pms or knows how to use them. i didn't know about pms for like a year. sorry if it came across as anything else.

mistresssheena
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

I'm a canadian citizen, when I got pregnant with my american boyfriend we moved to the states together and got married, I had my daughter in the USA and came home to canada for a visit when she was 2 month old. Thinking I would be OK to return to the states anytime since I was married to an american citizen, I tried to return after a month long visit and was denied access to the USA. It took 17 months to fill out all the paperwork I needed to get a non-working green card so that I could even set foot into the states. So no I would say marraige is definatly not insurance against him getting deported.
My whole experience was hell ....I found out the night before finnally getting my green card that he was cheating and am now divorced.

Ouisch
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

There are no shortcuts to getting a green card. Even if you marry your fiance, he'll still have to go through the normal paperwork and procedures, and the two of you will be interviewed many times. Having a baby doesn't guarantee anything either; any immigration attorney will tell you that there are plenty of kids in the US whose parent(s) have been deported.

I'm a little confused; why is calling someone who was born in Mexico a "Mexican" offensive in any way?

1HotMama
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help im pregnant with my mexican boyfriend

I am married to a non-citizen. When I was pregnant I was not married to him and was able to get Medicaid. Declare him as your provider if that is what he is but do not give them any other information - it isn't any of their business. You are allowed to get married to a non-citizen and it does help (very much so) in getting the proper documentation for him as you will have to be declared HIS provider. The likelyhood of my husband getting deported is slim but of course I always have that fear. If it were to happen, we would have to move to a country were it is unsafe for my daughter and myself. I understand your fear and if you need someone to talk to do not hesitate to send me a PM - I am here for you.

I shall crawl back into my hole now!
Heh.