BD's mom is dying. I posted something about it before...
She's a good woman who definately doesn't deserve something like this.
It's hard to see her laying up in a hospital bed, suffering and in terrible pain. I visit her all the time, and I've been helping out BD alot too.
He cries almost every night, and no matter how tired I am or how early I know I'm going to be up the next day..I stay up for hours with him just holding him and talking to him.
There's not really much I can say, so I'm just 'there' for him.
But, here's the problem.....
I knew that when we got the news, our relationship would be kind of...'on hold' for awhile. He needs to spend all of his free time with his mother as long as shes still alive. I completely understand this....but I guess I didn't really realize how much it was going to ruin us.
He moved out the other day because of other reasons...and already we're fighting and he hasn't even come to see the baby much.
He also expects me to just sit at home alone all day and just mope around because according to him I should be just as depressed as him.
Don't get me wrong, I love his mother...and I'm very sad about whats happening to her...but while BD hasn't had anyone close to him die before...I have seen it many of times. Especially cancer.
I'm not trying to say that because I've been here before that it doesn't really affect me as much anymore, cuz I do really care. But, I just dont see why I have to suffer because of this.....
Tonight is one of my gooood friends' birthday, plus I haven't seen her in awhile and also another really good friend is moving back to my town today so I would like to see her.
BD is pretty much furious that I would even consider going out at a time like this.
But I work my butt off all week in school and I NEVER get to go anywhere...and my parents are offering to watch my son tonight. So it's the perfect opportunity to get out.
So what do I do? Is it wrong of him to think that I should stop my life completely because of the things he's going through? Or am I wrong for wanting to have a little fun tonight?
I really don't know what to do at all......
Here is what I tell people when there loved ones are close to death where I work,
everyone needs a break, you can't expect to do this 24-7 until they pass away, you have to live your life too, everyone needs distraction from death, it can't be the main focus, it just can't, we tell people to celebrate life, even in the darkest moments,
I say, if you have the sitter lined up, go to the party, explain to bd that you care about him, about his mom, but that you have to take care of yourself too, and that you need this time to be with your friends, people who you care about and who care about you.
tricia is right. sometimes we need a break from real life and all that goes wrong. theres nothing wrong with going out and trying to forget about things for awhile and catching up with your friends. we all grieve in different ways and deal with bad things in different ways. BD needs to understand that you both may deal with this in different ways. both of which need to be respected.