I met this guy when I was eighteen, he rejected me terribly. Eight months later we started talking again, and hooked up, with a catch: I was 10 weeks pregnant. Things were pretty back-and-forth--I lived with him through most of my pregnancy, but I was so unsure of our status that I never even unpacked my clothes, just kept a loaded laundry basket in the bottom of the closet. Every week or two, he'd be like "We need to talk," and he'd tell me that we were breaking up because of my pregnancy, and that he'd never wanted a serious relationship (lost his virginity to me at 26), that his family wouldn't approve (they're Jehovah's Witnesses), etc.etc.etc. I would cry, he would cry, and nothing would really change. We were still together when my son was born, and we kept having those conversations for six more months. When G. was 8 months old, I decided I wanted out, started trying to get my own place, etc. By that time the relationship was so co-dependent that even when I got an apartment, he ended up being there, we would be just friends, just friends with benefits, engaged, and not talking, all in a week.
There's been lots of drama between us--we've both dated other people, when I do it he says I'm cheating, when he does it it's not a problem. It's the most serious relationship I've ever had, the only relationship he's ever had, and it's pretty dysfunctional. He finally took off on G.'s second birthday, and we talked a little bit, met once at a motel, quit talking to each other, started again---Still the same back and forth stuff.
He sent this gift card and really nice necklace to me last week--May 16 was the anniversary of the first time we hooked up. We've been talking every night for about three weeks now, and he's arranged for me to come out to Wyoming and stay with his sister, hang out for a few weeks. Well, the other night he's like "Just so you know, I'm not trying to get back with you." Which is cool with me, for the last year and a half I've barely wanted to kiss him on the cheek, we're just really close. Then he starts talking about how we're going to be roommates--I told him that I didn't remember that conversation, and he got pretty offended. I'm not totally averse to the idea, but I never know what's going on between us. We're both pretty introverted, never really communicated that well.
Has anyone been in a relationship like this? I would probably rather live in Wyoming than Kentucky while I get ready to go to college, but I'm worried about Gabriel getting attached to him all over again. Then again, we are pretty much best friends--but what if we want to date other people? With that kind of history between us...
He's saying that I can live with him for free, that the job market is great there in Sheridan, his sister would watch G. for me, all these great things. I think I really need some objective opinions on this whole thing...
it really sounds like the negatives outweigh the positives in this case. you have no guarantees with this guy, and getting closer to him again gets you closer to dysfunction (your word), will potentially hurt your kid, and will put you in a dependant state on him (for living conditions, childcare, etc). as i'm sure you've seen from the stories on this site, and in your own life, it is really, really hard to walk away from someone after you are physically attached as well as emotionally and historically and such. what if it doesn't work out again? will you have to move back to where you are now? you'll lose your free rent, your childcare, everything. can you count on him, and you and him together, to not fall apart so that the very important things in your life can be guaranteed? it doesn't really seem like it.
Yeah, it sounds like you need to cut the ties, and it sounds like you know it. I obviously don't know you or all of your situation, but i doesn't seem healthy, and what's obvious is that this relationship has never been communicative enough to stay on one level. It REALLY doubt that the "roommate" thing is gonna stay as simple and clear cut as that. I think the idea of moving to/for/with him is way scary.
i think you already know the answer.. its unhealthy and do you really wanna drag G through that?? you have alot of valid concerns about the whole situation. try sitting down, writing out a list of all positive and negative stuff that could happen and go from there.
I agree with all above, it doesn't sound like a good situation at all. You say that you're just friends and really close...but given your history i think the chances of maintaining JUST a friendship, especially if you're living together, well...it seems very unlikely. You may be thinking only of the positives in this situation -free rent/childcare/companionship etc. but think of all the drama from the past. Do you really think it's all going to change? From my perspective...i don't see many positives in this situation and i don't think you should drag yourself and your child back into that mess. You both deserve better.