hey ladies, I'm not exactly sure where to put this post. I was raped by an exboyfriend when i was 15. It was so bad i felt like I left my body and was watching it happen to someone else.It's still an issue for me but not major. I told my husband about it. The last couple times we have had sex I have had a flashback to that day. Last night i dreamt, but wasn't deeply sleeping and relived it. i woke up screaming and flailing. My husband keeps asking what the matter is. I don't know if i should tellhim. He seemed really upset when I told him the first time. I dont want him to think when we have sex i'm thinking of my ex boyfriend. I can't talk to anyone about it. In the dream it was like I was there all over again. I don't understand why this has to keep jutting into my life. I don't want my husband to think that he reminds me of this incident, but i don't want to lie to him either. what should I do?
I'd definitely tell him what's up. Even getting it off your chest might help you heal. Word it in a way that he doesn't automatically think that, just say something like "It has nothing to do with you or us, but because it was so traumatic, every now and then I get a flashback which is completely out of my control"
Flashbacks are so scary. I haven't had one since I was around 17, which I'm so so thankful for. For some reason my flashbacks only happened whenever I tried to sleep with one particular boyfriend. I really cared about him, but whenever we started trying I'd black out. When I came to I didn't remember anything that happened, but he'd tell me that I was screaming "don't touch me, R" (R being the guy who raped me). I explained to him what was up, and understood at first, but chose to leave in the end because it was too hard on him.
I did tell my husband. to be honest he took it better than i expected. he kept saying yeah i know its not my fault. He knows the basics of what has happend to me but not the details (even though i still remember all of them). I'm afraid he'll think I'm too damaged if i talk about it. I'm ashamed to talk about it even here. its safe, i could tell my story without judgment but i'm still embarrased. I was molested by the son of my babysitter from 5-7 and raped at 15 and beaten by my parents,my dad was a drunk anda marine; my mom i don't know why. Not to mention all the shit i got myself into. I don't want him to have to deal with my issues. It's the past i just gotta get over it. When we are having sex, i can feel my exbf hands around my neck and the beginings of a bruise on my cheek. I look and i don't see my husband whom i love i see this boy i hate. My husband has alot of testosterone and can certinly be a jerk but its not fair to see him that way. I don't know if telling someone else my story, i haven't told a soul the details, will help. I know that i need to forget about it i don't want to drag my husband or my children into this but sometimes i look in the mirror and see someone worthless since it seems my biggest asset was what was between my legs
Honestly, this is one of the safest spaces around, so don't feel uncomfortable here. MANY of us have gone through similar experiences. If you feel that talking about it will help you, then go for it, both on here if need be or with your husband. If he's already supportive of the situation, I doubt he'll judge you if you went a little further in depth to it to explain or just to get it off your chest. I found that in the past few years, the more I've been able to talk about what happened, the less it affects me, because it's no longer buried, it's no longer haunting me, I found being able to discuss the parts I needed to in my own time really helped me get past it being able to hurt me so much. For some it works, for some it doesn't.
If you don't feel comfortable talking either here or to your husband, is there any way you can seek therapy for it? A lot of areas have therapists on sliding scales, or free distress lines, where you can go or call to just be able to talk about it.
Feel free to PM me if you need to release some pain. I am sure there are other mamas on here you could PM also.
ugh.... honestly, I can't ell my whole story to anyone....it really sucks... :cry: but I've healed slowly over time and I'm pretty much good to go now......bu t the hardest thing was watching Seff get so upset when I told him about it :(
*hugs* I know it's hard, but you should talk to him, he might just be the loving listener you need.
hey girls. I can't tell my husband everything he gets so mad(not at me). I think he feels helpless that he cant protect me. Thats just how he is. I think maybe these flashbacks are coming so often because something is unresolved. I won't go into everything just the incident that is causing the problems. mods if i'm putting this in the wrong place feel free to move it.
I met N while we were working together in a construction company, he was 18 and damn sexy. Rode bmx loud music lots of alcohol weed that kinda stuff. We did have fun, and at that point my parents didn't care what i was doing so we spent lots of nights together. lots were in the back of his car (which i found out later was his brother, who was in korea with the air force' s car. I left for like two weeks and we still called, i got an under the table job waiting tables at a club in the city. When I got back i found out that he was screwing some cracked out chick while i was gone. I found this out because she jumped me after work. Told N he screwed around and it was over.
two weeks later he calls telling me that his uncle died and asking me to come over to a reception. I was an idiot and i did. I went with one of my gf who was dating his best friend. When we got there it wasn't a wake. my friend and the guys (who i thought were my friends) told me that it was so sad N and I weren't together i was the best thing that ever happend to him, blah blah. The had set this up so N and I could talk it out. So they didn't think anything of it when he grabbed my arm. Hard enough to leave little bruises. I slapped him and the sob smiled at me.and he pulled me into his moms room. she was getting baked somewhere else. N tossed me on the bed and i heard the lock click. He came to me and layed down next to me. he wasn't drunk but i could smell sweet flat coke, jack and coke on his breath. he tried to tell me he loved meand leaned in to kiss me, i pushed him away. I remeber saying back off me you cheating bastard. He said look im sorry, i wasn't thinking i was on speed, i love you and can't live without you. I told him to move and i stood up and turn my back. he grabbed my wrist and turned me around. i screamed, noone came. he pulled his hand back and punched my left cheek. I fell on the bed, the covers smelled like old tobacco and cat pee. He stood over me and said scream, i dare you, i got you beat. you want to fight me, just lay on your back and spread your legs. I said no and i started to cry, i screamed no and he putt his hands around my throat they smelled like pinesol and i could see old scars on his knuckles.all of the sudden i couldn't breath and my mind was racing. i wanted to scream and kick and fight but all i could do was cry. i let him get away i didn't fight i let it happen. he half laughed and let go of my throat and pinned my hands over my head with one hand and tore my jeans with the other. i still have those jeans. I was wearing a purple thong with polka dots and he pulled it down to my knees. he only had his forearms and one hand holding my arms down, i could have fought him off. i didn't i just cried please don't stop, like a fucking coward. i tried to keep my thighs closed and he pushed them apart. We had had sex before but this time it hurt and pain and adrenile pulsed through my legs. He kept pushing in harder and harder. when he was done he layed on top of me i was covered in sweat and tears and blood. i could feel him breathing. i hated him breathing on me. he got up and got dressed. before he left he looked at me and said i was beautiful. i tried to stand up but icouldn't move. i kept shaking and stumbling. my gf came and i don't remember what she said or did. we went to her house and she helped me shower. she told me that we couldn't tell we had had sex before and we went there and her parents would kill her if she was over with them. i didn't tell anyone, ever. my dad was reasigned overseas after that and i left and carried it with me. I must have brought it on myself, i knew not to go there and i knew that he wanted to have sex. i should have fought. im sorry this is so long i remember everything. if this is too long delete it or ignore it, its just a giant pity party anyway. i heard froma friend that N is doing 6 years for drug traficking
I just wanted to tell everyone, that this community is amazing. Most people here are so open minded and accepting. I'm glad i posted my rather longish post here. it did make me feel better to say it out loud (or type) with the protection of aninimity. I hold everything in and i will probably have flash backs forever. But thanks to all the strong, supportive, young mamas. we are truly amazing