My soon to be mother in law insists on being with me and my fiance when we have the baby. I think its great that she is being so supportive and excited for us. However, she lives across country from us and I haven't even met her in person yet... we've talked on the phone a few times and the chats always went well. She keeps telling my fiance that she and her mother (my soon to be grandma in law?) are going to come out at the end of August no matter what.
The thing is I don't want the added pressure of meeting my MIL right when I'm about to pop... especially since I can become very irritable very very easily when I'm stressed and physically uncomfortable. I tried to polietly explain this to my fiance, by telling him that I'd prefer to meet his mom and family a little bit AFTER the baby is born, when I'm looking/feeling better so that I can be a proper hostess to them- they've never been to CA and want to look around here, but its over 100 degrees in the summer and that just makes me even more cranky with my pregnancy. And when I'm ready to have the baby or even right after I have the baby, I don't want to be driving them all around the valley. Not to mention they'd have to stay in a hotel because my fiance and I are living with my family in an already crowded house, and his family may not be able to get a rental car.
I understand that my fiance is close to his mom and grandma and would like to share this experience with them, especially since he hasn't visited with them in over a year. But they just witnessed the birth of his sister's baby only 2 weeks ago. I was hoping this was something that I could share with MY mom.
I really do want to meet my fiance's mom, grandma, and family, but under these particular circumstances I'd rather meet them later, when I know I'll be in my right mind and more comfortable.
Any suggestions on how to tell my fiance that I don't want his mom here right when we have the baby, without hurting his or her feelings???
No matter what anyone tells you, it's you who has the last say. If you don't want her in the delivery room she shouldn't be in the delivery room!
You need to remember that you have a right to say no and you have a right to say yes in any matter.
My best friend wants to be in the delivery room and I had to tell her no... 5 times! Now, I know that best friend doesn't equal mother-in-law, but still! She needs to respect your wishes because having a baby is messy work whether you want to know it or not. It's you who needs to be comfortable as much as possible when the time comes to have your baby.
^agreed.
giving birth is a very personal thing and i can imagine i'd feel extremely uncomfortable with a woman i've never met in the same room. do not sacrifice your comfort and peace of mind for someone else.
ok.. i have a perfect solution i read in a dear abby. a woman in a similair sitution wrote in about how to explain mother in law isnt gonna watch her vagina open up. dear abby wrote that the only FAIR thing to do was to have her bd change a tire naked infront of his father in law. those are a tad similiar. if he would absolutely posotively refuse, then you should to. enough said. he would never go through with it, not in a million years, then why should you be comprimised into doing something another human being wouldnt be expected to do? why is your situation not considered the same? no one has a say but you. and if the mother in law or the bd complain, bring up your suggestion and say if it means that much to them that clearly they will comply, after all arent they asking you to comply?
btw if they think its outragious, just say " hey if its too much to ask then obviously its too much to ask me to do the same, ill jump if you'll jump" stick to your guns. you have the right of who sees your body or who is present during your birth. unless mother in law offers to spread her legs in a stirup at the same time you are ....then all bets are off.
i like the tire change idea!
or you could just ask him if he REALLY wants to spend hours looking at and thinking about your vagina WITH HIS MOM!!!!!!
seriously though, is he a little afraid of the idea of birth? maybe he wants his mommy there for a reason. if you can find out what that reason is and come up with annother way to satisfy his needs it would be a good thing.
You definatley don't have to put up with unwanted relitives in the delivery room. seating charts at the wedding are one thing but giving brith is annother entirely.
thanks for the suggestions!
i really like the tire changing idea too and may even use it when i bring this up with him later on tonight.