My bd and I havent been together for 6 months now. We dont get along at all even though I try to for the sake of our daughter but he pretty much hates me for whatever reasons. One day he brought Kyla back home after his weekend visitation and knew that my parents were out of town for the weekend. Knowing that I have a bad temper and that I get upset very easily he brought his gf to my house when he dropped Ky off. She is not allowed to be at my house b/c of the fact that we know that I would probably go after her. When he got out of his truck I was already outside washing my car b/c it was a nice day, and I saw that she was with him. I told him that she was not to be at my house and he knew this and that if she was to come back she would be arrested. I was holding Kyla and he started yelling at me. I tried to stay calm with him b/c I knew that I had Ky and she is starting to repeat everything she hears. Well he started calling me a slut and a numerous amounts of other names and now Kyla is going around saying "mommy slut" Im not sure what to do, I try to tell her that it is not nice for her to say that but her dad says it around her all the time so when I get her to stop saying it she comes back from his house and starts it again. I have talked to my attorney about this and she said there is really not much we could do about it. So if anyone has had this happen or has any advice on how to get my daughter to stop saying it please let me know
I would not let her around people who said "slut". Its not ok. Its really twisted to teach a kid to call her mom something bad. I would seriously never let my kid around an adult who used that word in a pejorative way, or taught a kid it was ok to use it, to call people bad names.
With the kid, I would explain "We say nice words, like mama sweetie" & everytime she says 'mama slut' I would change it to be like "Oh your so SWEET to call me SWEETY!" and make it a silly game. She doesn't know what it means, she knows that it gets a reaction. & If you change it on her without making it a big deal, she'll prolly forget the original word and use the good word.
that's so wrong on so many levels...he has no prespect for yuo and your bond with your child.You'd best sit his ass down and give him a good talking to--withOUT his girl around. like the above poster said, I would NEVER put up with this. It sounds like he needs to grow up beofer he can be left alone with a child--is there anyway you can stay with them and (hopefully) not kill him durring the visit? (tempting as it may be)
I really am sorry he thinks it's o to do this to you. I hope it gets better soon.
I think that's unfair but she's not "letting" him around her. He's the dad and the poster has no choice, if they have a visitation order, she can't just not allow him to take her kid.
All you can do is remind your child to use nice words. Don't say bad things about people in front of her. When my BD and I split up, he would tell my daughter, in front of me that I'm [insert nasty name here] and she repeated it just the way your daughter does. Like with any bad habit, there's no instant fix, all you can do is use positive reinforcement.
Also remember that your ex is jsut bring his gf around to get you upset. The more you act out, the more he will do it. No matter what, you have no right to "go after her". Just be polite and ignore her. if you yell at her in front of your daughter, you're teaching more bad behavior.
in my court orders it statest that niether parent is allowed to say bad things about the other when the children are around.
but there is no real way to inforce that.
I agree with BCPR. I also have to say that by behaving in this manner, you are giving your BD and his girlfriend the power.
Talking to him is nearly impossible. When he comes to pick up Kyla for his visitation he comes in grabs her and leaves, no hi how are you or anything like that, there is absolutely no communication. I try to talk to him and he gets mad and leaves. And I cant just call his cell phone b/c his mom wont let him talk to me b/c she thinks that by him talking to me we will get back together (even though that would NEVER happen) she actually had his number changed so I cant call him
And as for the staying with him when he visits her. Yea that would never happen. I am not allowed at his house b/c the last time I was there I went alone and his whole family verbally (and he physically) attacked me and I had to go to the police to file a report on him. So going to his house is def out, he has to come to my house or wherever Kyla is at when he gets her , Im not even allowed to drop her off at his house b/c of the report I filed. I thought about supervised visitation but my attorney said that wouldnt work
Did your attorney say why it wouldn't work? If you have a police report filed that says he physically attacked you, that should be enough evidence to get a judge to at least consider supervised visitation.
I think CanadianMamma might be on to something. If you have evidence that your ex-boyfriend has abused you in some way, you can bring it to the attention of your attorney or the judge in charge of your case and explain that you fear for your daughter's safety when she's in her father's hands. Also see if you can get a judge to understand where you're coming from about your daughter repeating nasty things she overhears her father saying. At the least, it might be added on to the custody file that the parents are not allowed to bad mouth each other while your child is within range.
To tell you honestly, it does not seem like your attorney is acting in your best interests. An attorney finds a way to get things done for their client rather than saying, "No, that won't work ... that won't work, either ... nope, sorry, that can't be done ..." If you get the impression that your attorney isn't looking out for you or your child's best interests, see if you can find another attorney. I know this isn't always an option, though, but I thought I would throw it out there in case it is.
I agree with this. It's your attorney's job to try to get as much as he can for you, it's the judge's job to determine what's fair for you, your child, and bd. I don't see why you couldn't ASK for supervised visitation. The judge may say no, but it really is an attorney's job to try for it.
The reason they said I cant get supervised visitation is b/c Kyla herself is not in any danger. The report alone was not enough b/c he is underage and still lives with his parents and b/c of that they are there to make sure nothing happens.
Before I even had my attorney I filed my report on him, and I went to 4 different attorneys to see their opinions on what would be done. They all told me the same thing that the baby has to be in physical danger herself to get supervised visitation so thats why I stuck with the one I have and also b/c I personally know her.
oh wow, this is kind of a sad thread! I know how that feels because my boyfriend (babies dad) and I broke up for a while when she was two months old and he would always use really harsh language around the baby, and he would always call me a whore or pretty much any nasty name you could think of. But I think she knew that it was really bad when he said those things, she could probably just feel the bad vibes or something so she never really said those words back to me. I don't really know of what advice to give you, but I hope everything works out for you, and just listen to what the other posters said about trying to teach your baby that using those words is wrong.