Hi everyone,
I know I havent posted much lately, Ive been so busy with my sick bubba. But anyway,
As I have mentioned before, BD basically dragged my name through the mud and said I was crazy and an unfit mother in order to try to gain full custody of our then 6 week old daughter (which he did not get). Now, shes coming up 6 months old, and through time and a lot of effort on my part, we are now on good speaking terms, able to agree to disagree to avoid arguments, and talk about our daughter together. I still have moments when I get really angry inside for what he did to me, but he has apologised, and even though theres no future for us as a couple and I intend on never getting back with him, I think its a good thing that we can talk now.
But I struggle with some things still and was wondering if any of you have dealt with similiar problems. For example, BD has asked me if its possible if we could meet up every year on her birthday and spend the day together, just the three of us. Which sounds really nice, but is that just providing false hope for our daughter for the future? Im just not sure if its that good for her to see her parents acting like a little family, when thats not the case. Also, he asks if he can come over all the time and go for walks with us (in addition to the 13 hrs per week he currently has in access visits) and I dont know how I feel about that...we are after all still in court about her custody, and he is still trying to get her overnight.
I guess what Im asking is, do you think its best to be civil, but not TOO friendly? I know Im a little scared of him manipulating me again, and possibly pushing me into agreeing to things I dont want.
Thanks guys, Im not too sure If I have made too much sense but hopefully you can gather what I mean!
I think that its possible for a child to see both of their parents interacting together and understand that mommy and daddy don't live together and aren't married, and not hope for the "leave it to beaver" family- especially with so many other kids that she'll meet that have stepmoms and dads or parents that are single/divorced/so on...
So if he's responsible and can provide a good environment for your girl, then letting her be with him doesn't sound too bad. But if you don't like him coming over all the time, tell him that its invading your personal space and keep to scheduled days for him to be with her.
But if your gut feelings say that him taking her overnight for weekends or such aren't a good idea, then don't go with it.
I'd like Clancy and I to move towards parenting together and not being together. I knew a baby who's parents both saw him everyday, and watched him and hung out together, but weren't together.
it will NOT give your daughter any type of false hope. I would worry more about giving HIM false hope.
if you can get along and spend time together you should. If you did these activities with your father, sister, brother, or a friend, you would not expect your child to develop "false hope" you would expect her to understand how your relationship works and how it differs from a romantic one.
If your child can grow up seeing that her parents can get along, that is very healthy. You've been slpit up since she was born, so she knows nothing of romantic relationships.