I am no longer with my BD yet we are really close friends. He has been staying with me (sleeping on the couch) in my apartment recently to help me out with the kids while I'm trying to deal with something in my personal life. Tonight, a "friend" of his dropped by randomly. I'm not really sure the relationship between them but I know she isn't his girlfriend. He said he had no idea she was coming he had told her before that he would be staying at my place and if she wanted to hang out to call his cell. He said they just hang out thats all. But its not like he has to justify to me what they are anyway either ya know? Well I didn't like it that she just showed up at my place tonight. I don't like it that right now hes out in my livingroom watching a movie with her I don't like it that she babbled over my kids saying how cute they are and gave Tommie candy when I was in the other room when she was clearly in her pjs, had just had a bath, already brushed her teeth and was saying goodnight to BD. I think I'm jealous....but why? I mean BD and I are no longer together and if the opportunity to date again was there I wouldn't take it but here I am frustrated and angry in my bedroom knowing she is out there with him. I would feel stupid and irrational if I went out there and asked her to leave because on what grounds? Yes, this is my apartment, but BD is staying with me to help me out so why should that include that he cant have friends because afterall he did say they were only friends. I'm being nuts huh? How should I approach this because I feel like my feelings arent justified because I don't even know exactly why I feel them to even try to tell BD about them. I don't want him thinking I want him again and come off as being jealous. I don't want to tell him he can't have friends over either cause that seems irrational and mean. I don't have a problem when his guy friends have been over lately but something about this chick is rubbing me the wrong way. Its almost as if shes being bitchy to me. She kept giving me shitty looks, bumping into me on purpose while "passing by" to get into the kitchen when she could have gone the opposite way and when I went out there to pick up some of Niko's toys she made a point to move closer to BD and lay all over him. Thoughts and advice would be appreciated ladies!
oops I just wrote that really fast and didnt reread. I didn't realize I used the term "bitchy" I know we don't use bitch or anything like it on GM so my apology now before anyone flames it.
If you two are still really close, can you talk to him about it? Explane that it made you uncomfortable the way she reacted towards you?
I think that having a talk about who you're comfortable and who you're not comfortable having in your house is a good thing to do. I usually have a rule with my roommates that if someone makes us uncomfortable for ANY reason, all we have to do is say so- and without being questioned about it, the person isn't allowed back in the house- maybe you could make a similar agreement.
I think to be "jealous" would be understandable. You guys have two kids together and you were obviously serious about one another. It doesn't mean you still want him or anything like that. Think about it this way if it was the other way around would he feel "jealous?" probably.
plus i think you have a lot to deal with. maybe you like having bd all to yourself just as a friend and this other girl is stepping into your space. i dunno but i am sure its not a wanting him back kind of thing. as for telling him... well maybe just explain your not comfortable with her being there - nothing against her she just made you feel uncomfortable. he should respect that especially since she is in your house. How much longer does BD plan on staying over??? If its any extended period of time I would just have a talk with him about who you want in the house. And i think any woman thats with your BD and drooling over your kids is strange and just her way of poking it in your back (coupled along with laying on him when your in the room or "accidentally' bumping into you) he may say and mean that they are not together but she may see more into it. eh i dunno i'm babbling but good luck ::hugs::
If you guys are still close then why don't you just talk to him about it? Tell him how you feel. Tell him exactly what you told us. Do you think he won't understand?
I think being jealous in this situation seems reasonable and understandable. When me and BD were split for 5 months. I would still go to his sister's house because me and her were friends. He would show up there with "friends" or talk on the phone with a girl and talk kind of "dirty" right in front of me. Well at the time I didnt want to be with him but still hearing him talk like this or seeing him with "friends" frustrated me! Of course I was jealous!! He is my BD and I did not want to see him just easily and quickly start talking to other girls. Well I told him how I felt and he stopped doing it. (Now were back together tho) You guys seem very close so just talk to him.
If she's giving you a hard time, talk to BD about it, tell him you're not comfortable because she seems to be fucking with your head, and kick her out. I would NOT tolerate someone giving me dirty looks and pushing me around in my own home... AND giving my kids candy without permission.
I would def talk to bd and tell him you were uncomfortable...you shouldn't have to be like that in your own house...you shouldn't really even have to justify it, but maybe just tell him that something about her you didn't care for.
Just from what you said about her, it sounds like she was kind of getting off on the fact that she was in your house w/ your bd....girls know how to push each other's buttons ya know. Maybe they are "just friends" but sounds like maybe she thinks or wants to be more....or maybe she was just trying to make you jealous....?
ITS YOUR HOUSE! . If you feel uncomfortable you should ask him to spend time with his friends elsewhere. You need not worry about him thinking you might be jealous or whatever. I mean do you really care?
thee who angers you controls you.
It looks like thats what he is going for anyway.
If they are truly just friends, maybe you should just trust him. Of course you're going to feel a little iffy seeing him have a social life or relationships with other girls, and that's understandable. If this girl is acting a little off to you, might it be because of something you're putting out there? Maybe she can tell that you don't like her, or maybe she's just getting defensive about having a woman around that obviously is a big part of your bd's life, kwim? Maybe the situation and your feelings towards it is making her little actions appear bigger, and she's not meaning to put you out at all. I'm not saying put up with her if she starts acting really bitchy towards you, but maybe it would be someone you would even like to hang out with as well if you two got along. Say something to your bd and see what her true opinions were of you, and just say that you didn't feel comfortable with how she was acting and maybe he can talk to her or agree to have her over for shorter periods of time, or meeting somewhere else. A movie is a long thing to have someone over for, especially their first time over, an introduction of friends into your house should be gradual and with respect to you, so you don't start feeling invaded or uncomfortable.
Good luck!
I think I would be jealous too, like Jenni said.. you have 2 kids together, I think it was always hard for me to see ex-boyfriends with other people at first, because at one point, you were really serious with that person. definetly try talking to him, maybe next time he can go out someplace instead of staying in your apartment, and you said he was staying there for a favor, if he isnt paying rent.. its your apartment, you should have grounds to make rules. He sounds like he was trying to be considerate though when he told you that he asked her to call first if they wanted to hang out, so it doesn't sound like he's intentionally trying to hurt you. Plus, maybe you could tell him when your trying to get the kids ready for bed and everything done in the evening, it's hard to get it done when people are over? You two sound like you have a good relationship still, so talk it up with him.. good luck mama :)
Could it be that maybe you're worried that your bd get distracted with her and not be around for your kids? Just an idea. :)
I know it's probably awkward, but I think you should talk to her. Your BD probably won't understand your feelings, especially if he is interested in this girl. It could easily be taken the wrong way and cause a fight.
I'd try talking to her (politely of course ;-) ) and just explaining that you have no problems with her dating your bd but she has to remember that he's a parent and that comes before anything else. And that she's welcome at your house but she has to respect the 'rules of the house', which means being courteous to the people inside, as well as being mindful/respectful of your kids (ie: Draping herself and drooling all over your bd doesn't sound like a very good example for your kids).
8)
first off, its your house, and you have the final say.
ive been in those shoes many times, as recent as this week, and me and bd have been offically broken up for over a year now. and i still get wrecked with jealousy every time. for me, i still love him, i just cant be with him, and there is nothing i want in this world for things to be different, for us to have made it. so when i see the possibility that he is going to be happy with someone else, well i just lose it. we are still very close, and im afraid that if someone else comes into the picture, we will lose the closeness. so i dont think there is any problem with the way you feel at all, to me its complelty natural.
you should talk to him about it. let him know how you feel. there is no reason for you to be holed up in your room. he is there to help with the kids, not play with his "friends"