so while i think it's important for the girls who come here to understand that this is a pro-choice site, i really don't see the need to question their decisions. i would never ask a girl, "why are you having an abortion? you know that keeping the baby is a viable option as well" for fear that she would think i was trying to pressure her into changing her decision, and i think the axe swings both ways.
i think mamamayhem has put it perfectly. sometimes, even if someone doesn't mean to come off rude, it still translates that way because it's the internet and something meant to sounf friendly can come off condescending. i've been called out, not on this topic, on something else, but it was done in a nice way. sometimes people go over the top with 3 or 4 different posters saying the same thing and it can be intimidating.
some girls just don't know its ok to have an abortion. i didn't. i followed through with a pregnancy that i didn't really want because i was taught that abortion is wrong. i wish then that someone had told me what i know now and i think thats what these girls need.
I have to say, i felt when I first came here, that everyone in my life thought i should have an abortion, everyone expected me to want one, and that i would ultimately get one in the end. So when i came online to this site, and i just had the courage to say for the first time, "i dont really want an abortion, or i dont think i can handle the abortion" or whatever it was i said,
and then you have people being like "why not" or saying you cant say that on this site, i just felt more wrong in my feelings to keep the baby. i felt like keeping the baby was foolish of me to want, since everyone thought so, and then online everyone was saying i couldnt say that.
anyway, just a thought, although i do agree that very anti choice or anti abortion comments do need to be called out.
I agree.. I for one am completely prochoice and totally respect those who chose to have an abortion, but I did feel like I was judged for not having an abortion when I faced an unplanned pregnancy in May.. My son was just 4 months old at the time, and yes I was scared and unsure of myself and not sure what to do, but I almost felt like other posters were trying to push me into having an abortion, like that was the best choice, or the only RIGHT choice given my situation.. when in reality, there is NO BEST/RIGHT choice for everyone.. everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different. I understand we are prochoice, and we need to realize that abortion is always an option, but so is parenting and adoption and you never see people saying well, if you don't want an abortion you can always choose parenting or adoption.. I think we need to respect EVERYONE's opinions and choices here, not only those who chose abortion.
in reality, the emotion most women feel after abortion is relief. many women find that their abortion is not as scary as they first thought."
Ok, since we are on this topic, this particular choice of words really really really ofends me. I am so sick of hearing how "most" women are so relieved after an abortion. Relieved?! Let me tell you, relief was never an emotion that went through my mind, not once. Every time I hear this sentiment(which is a lot around here) I get furious becuase it makes me feel like I should have done backflips of joy after an abortion instead of spend a week weeping on my couch in my pyjamas, like I lack true feminist strength.
This use of words is a true stereotype and it's hurtful and offensive.
in reality, the emotion most women feel after abortion is relief. many women find that their abortion is not as scary as they first thought."
Ok, since we are on this topic, this particular choice of words really really really ofends me. I am so sick of hearing how "most" women are so relieved after an abortion. Relieved?! Let me tell you, relief was never an emotion that went through my mind, not once. Every time I hear this sentiment(which is a lot around here) I get furious becuase it makes me feel like I should have done backflips of joy after an abortion instead of spend a week weeping on my couch in my pyjamas, like I lack true feminist strength.
This use of words is a true stereotype and it's hurtful and offensive.
That's why it's "most". Not "all". Research has validated that most women do feel relief after their abortions. There is so much antichoice propaganda about "post-abortion trauma" that I think it's important to recognize that for most (not all) women, that isn't the case.
i dont believe any kind of statistic that would use the word "most" becuase what is most? most of the people that choose to have an abortion, what about people who were forced? or what about women who had to make the choice even though it wasnt thier first? i didnt feel relief for quite awile after my abortion. it was one of the most emotional things ive ever done.
i dont believe any kind of statistic that would use the word "most" becuase what is most? most of the people that choose to have an abortion, what about people who were forced? or what about women who had to make the choice even though it wasnt thier first? i didnt feel relief for quite awile after my abortion. it was one of the most emotional things ive ever done.
It depends on the study. "Most" can be generally defined to mean majority. I never said the research used the word "most", because frankly there have been repeated studies that use different criteria, but have the same consistent result.
By the way, to say that most women feel relief doesn't mean there aren't other emotions involved. I can speak from experience of having cared for over a thousand women having abortions that the biggest single predictor of stress/distress after abortion is to feel pressured into the decision. I've turned away patients who said they were unsure, or that they were having an abortion because their parents/BF/whoever said they had to, because of that reason. But I still believe that you can acknowledge that some women have ambivalence or negative feelings without negating the emotions of MOST (not all, remember) women who do get abortions. Remember, your experience is not that of every other woman (of the 1.2 million who get abortions annually). Neither is mine, Research looks at large groups, not individual people.
I know many people who have had an abortion, and only ONE of them felt completely ok with it after. the others all felt some form or sadness,regret, depression, or feeling sad w/o a reason. But over time, they accepted it and grew to be happy with their choice. i would phrase it as "most people have issues after an abortion, but overall, or in the end, are happy with their choice" because i think that it is normal and "most" people experience some negative feelings from an abortion whether its right after, or years later. But i also agree that many people are totally fine with it.
i realize i have never had one, all i am saying is i think that it is normal and fine to feel unhappy after, and its fine to feel wonderful after.
Also remember though that heresay from a friend may not be accurate. Maybe your friends said they felt guilt, depressed, etc, because that's what society expects you to feel after an abortion, one should definitely not ever feel or express relief. I'd trust research that allows women to express their thoughts anonymously a little more, considering real life stigma and judgement that may be attached to abortion may alter how a woman expresses it to even the closest friends or family.
I think the exact same could be said for research. two people have confirmed here that relief was not what they felt at all, and I would bet my last dollar that we are not alone on this bored. it almost felt taboo for me to even express that post beucase of the way abortion tends tobe dealt with here, thus the thread in the first place.
True. I was just saying that the research shouldn't be fully discounted, but neither should personal experience. Women should be allowed to define their own experiences. I think it's perfectly normal to feel relief, happiness, empowerment, and it's also perfectly normal to feel regret and sadness. All people approach situations differently and have different things around the situation, what is true for one person doesn't mean it's true for another.
Yeah, that would be interesting.
I think of my abortion as a routine medical procedure.
I had no emotional attachment and don't really think of myself as having been pregnant.
I think about it the same way I think about my cryotherapy.
Maybe that will be different 5 years from now, but I'm thinking not.
i think that its important to realize context. like an abortion will not solve depression. or an abusive relationship. sexual trauma. or low self esteem.
i think that unplanned prengnacies are REALLY hard situations. and that abortion is not going to resolve that.
like, if you are pregnant young poor and in an abusive relationship an abortion is not going to solve the emotional toll that abusive relationships and poverty take.
one might wish to be in circumstances & relationships to support a child. & be really sad, conflicted about terminating a pregnancy.
but was that sadness about an abortion? was that unplanned pregnancy? would it be worse raising a child?
i think its important to reaffirm the full spectrum of emotions. and make fair comparisons. like, compare abortion's health risks to carrying a pregnancy to term. compare emotions of abortion to the emotions of unplanned pregnancy.
I just want to point out that several mamas including myself expressed concern in this thread about feeling pressured and/or judged for not choosing abortion, yet these feeling have not been validated or addressed at all! This is very upsetting to me.. If someone expressed the same concerns regarding keeping their child/having an abortion our mods would be all over it. I realize this site is pro-choice, but shouldnt we be respecting ALL choices??
hey sativastar i'm sorry you're upset that no one has posted that they are respecting all choices. maybe you could go look in the pregnancy and birth or the greetings forum and review the hundreds of message by girlmom members that say "hey, you can do it, whatever you decide," and "hey, congratulations" and all that, lest you get anymore upset. if you want your choice to birth to be validated even further, oh i dunno, why don't you go to the world at large who largely views women's reproductive capabilities as means to motherhood alone. go talk to the antichoice people who dominate politics. go speak with someone who believes religious rights take precedence over women's rights. go tell the majority of people out there who will say "hey cool."
try telling ANY of those same people that you chose abortion, and the story is much, MUCH different. why the hell do you think we established prochoice policies here in the first place? oh right, because even while under the judgement of many for having children in an environment that isn't viewed as ideal, your choice to mother your fetus will still be vastly more respected than mine was to get rid of it.
i could just as easily say i'm feeling as invalidated as fuck because of you and all the others who are saying "but why aren't we supporting mothers" (even though there are HUNDREDS of posts and threads that do just that), but i don't like to take things personally and don't like to make other ppl bend to my personal preferences instead of whats best for the site. i will say i'm highly disappointed though.
Word kaya. I don't know why the few threads that specifically target abortion have a flood of women who haven't had one saying "well what about me?! I'm offended that this thread isn't about me!" when, regardless of if keeping your child is looked down upon at individual times, the majority of the world will oppress a woman who has had an abortion.
I know I'm going to get people upset when I say this, but I'm going to say it anyway cause it's been bugging me.
The recent sentiment here reminds me of the "i've been pregnant five times" thread. It started out, I believe (and correct me if I'm wrong here) about sharing how many children you could have ended up with, sharing all the different options you've exercised with those pregnancies. Then posts came in like "one pregnancy, one child" "two pregnancies, two children" and I just sat back like "okay, this wasn't really about how many kids you have, the OP seemed to be sharing an idea quite different from that." And I know, I KNOW that it wasn't ANYONE'S intention to make me feel this way, but it felt a little like I'd failed somewhere. I just felt like, if you've had one pregnancy one child, is it really necessary to state in a thread like that one? I mean, unless you have Kidless Ally under your name, it's a given you've had at least one pregnancy and at least one child, and it seems like a lot of abortion and option sharing threads aren't respected as such.
I don't know, for a woman like myself, three pregnancies, one child, it was kind of a big deal that we could come out and state something that wasn't completely obvious in every other thread.
I mean, we don't state our abortions in our signatures the way we state our kids birthdays. And on this note I'm going to go change my signature. This is a safe space for abortion, and I don't think it's something I should feel I have to hide and maybe it'll help other women feel comfortable enough to share a little of their own experiences.
this might be really obnoxious and taken the wrong way since i've never exercised my right to choose, but maybe we could make a forum for women to talk about their experiencing with abortion and adoption the same way we have forums for women who are deciding to continue their pregnancy and have children. that way, although women who have never had an abortion would be able to post, it would be with the clear understanding that just like kidless allies, we haven't been there and shouldn't try to make it sound like we have.
i was one of the people who posted "one pregnancy, one child" on the threat the PP was talking about, and i'm really sorry. everyone else was doing it and i didn't realize what the intention was.
i just think the extra forum might be good idea, especially since there really is no forum that really fits stories about abortions and other reproductive choices.
sorry if this sounds rude. i feel like i might be taken the wrong way because i've never been in the situation, but know that i'm certainly NOT implying that women who have exercized their right to choose shouldn't be able to post on the other threads about it. AT ALL.
I just read every post of this thread as carefully as I could- which of course, was interesting to watch it's evolution. To bring it around full circle to the initial concerns, I was trying to think of a way we can all be satisfied- if that's ever possible (at least regarding this issue).
I'm going to make a decision that I think only mods have an answer to or could find a way to make happen... Is it possible to have a default message answer an initial post in the Greetings/Salutations forum? I know we have sticky's but obviously we need to work under the assumption that the GM mission statement has not been read. Or maybe there is one person who can operate under Anonymous Mama, or be assigned the specific duty to answer every initial post.
I'm sure there is a way to find out approximately how many new posters there are every day so that person knows what they are getting into.
We could all construct this "Welcome to Girl Mom" message that would casually spell out a few things, refer to other info on the site, and overall be obviously generic, which I think takes off the personalness of asking those questions.
*I don't know about everyone else, but early on as a member here, I studied every post someone made in response to me/my own posts. For this reason, I think this idea is worth considering.
It could have a general welcome and then ask quesion, with links to answers/information, like this:
We're really glad you found us. There are hundreds of active teen mamas here at GirlMom who have exercised a variety of reproductive choices. We are a supportive, pro-choice, active site for young mamas. We encourage posting in forums, but if you need individual support, feel free to Privately Message (PM) whoever you feel a connection with.
Are you pregnant? LINK HERE to sticky
Considering an abortion? Girl mom is a pro-choice site!!! LINK HERE to sticky
An "older" mama? LINK HERE to guidelines
Please read the Girl Mom mission statement and decide if we're right for you. LINK HERE to mission statement
We're glad you are here!!!!!!! Welcome!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ETC. Again, I think given the setup, the informality- I think it will be read and it will "weed out" some anti-choicers who may not be ready to be confronted with a supportive, pro-choice world.
If this is done, ikt leaves little excuse for "Sorry, I didn't mean it- I didn't know." I recall a reference to the mission statemenr when a member first signs up, but I honestly don't think people read it. It's like another box to click yes to...
I'd change that to "whatever you choose, girlmom is a prochoice site" because then it encompasses everyone, therefore everyone reads it and not just girls considering abortion. That way everyone understands guidelines and there's no one thinking "well, that's not how I'm going, so I don't need to read that." KWIM? And make sure we say very explicitly that certain language isn't allowed, BEFORE they have a chance to use it.
I'm not familiar with the board's tech setup though, so I don't know if that would work, the auto response thing.
yeah, i think you are right about the wording. if this is even do-able, i think we need as much imput as possible, many suggestions and editors. what i threw out was very spur of the moment, just an example to put a visual to the idea.
i didn't read all the comments cause i need to get to sleep but ill post my view..
if someone said "i jstu can't keep this baby" i personally would ask "why" just like i would to someone saying "i can't have an abortion" and that isn't baiting someone into anti choice, its asking WHY they thing they can't do it so you can give them support.
someone who says "i just can't have an abortion" could be asked "why" and could respond "i dont have the money" and that is somthing we could possibally provide help for, or direct them to assistance... asking why is not at all baiting, its gathering more information.
Well, the point of all this is that every woman has the right to do whatever she wants to without question as to her methods. And either woman, the one saying she can't have the baby, and the one saying she can't have the abortion, could just be disguising their real reasons by attacking other options so they feel safer in their skin.
i guess how you ask why is important... cause at the same time i do believe people may make a decision either way based on their world closely around them...not realizing abortion is a good option. being on this site has taught me A LOT, i may have said "i dont want to have an abortion" before being on this site, but now i'd be very open to it.
Well put.
i think mamamayhem has put it perfectly. sometimes, even if someone doesn't mean to come off rude, it still translates that way because it's the internet and something meant to sounf friendly can come off condescending. i've been called out, not on this topic, on something else, but it was done in a nice way. sometimes people go over the top with 3 or 4 different posters saying the same thing and it can be intimidating.
some girls just don't know its ok to have an abortion. i didn't. i followed through with a pregnancy that i didn't really want because i was taught that abortion is wrong. i wish then that someone had told me what i know now and i think thats what these girls need.
I have to say, i felt when I first came here, that everyone in my life thought i should have an abortion, everyone expected me to want one, and that i would ultimately get one in the end. So when i came online to this site, and i just had the courage to say for the first time, "i dont really want an abortion, or i dont think i can handle the abortion" or whatever it was i said,
and then you have people being like "why not" or saying you cant say that on this site, i just felt more wrong in my feelings to keep the baby. i felt like keeping the baby was foolish of me to want, since everyone thought so, and then online everyone was saying i couldnt say that.
anyway, just a thought, although i do agree that very anti choice or anti abortion comments do need to be called out.
I agree.. I for one am completely prochoice and totally respect those who chose to have an abortion, but I did feel like I was judged for not having an abortion when I faced an unplanned pregnancy in May.. My son was just 4 months old at the time, and yes I was scared and unsure of myself and not sure what to do, but I almost felt like other posters were trying to push me into having an abortion, like that was the best choice, or the only RIGHT choice given my situation.. when in reality, there is NO BEST/RIGHT choice for everyone.. everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different. I understand we are prochoice, and we need to realize that abortion is always an option, but so is parenting and adoption and you never see people saying well, if you don't want an abortion you can always choose parenting or adoption.. I think we need to respect EVERYONE's opinions and choices here, not only those who chose abortion.
thank you sativa starr very well put.
Ok, since we are on this topic, this particular choice of words really really really ofends me. I am so sick of hearing how "most" women are so relieved after an abortion. Relieved?! Let me tell you, relief was never an emotion that went through my mind, not once. Every time I hear this sentiment(which is a lot around here) I get furious becuase it makes me feel like I should have done backflips of joy after an abortion instead of spend a week weeping on my couch in my pyjamas, like I lack true feminist strength.
This use of words is a true stereotype and it's hurtful and offensive.
That's why it's "most". Not "all". Research has validated that most women do feel relief after their abortions. There is so much antichoice propaganda about "post-abortion trauma" that I think it's important to recognize that for most (not all) women, that isn't the case.
i dont believe any kind of statistic that would use the word "most" becuase what is most? most of the people that choose to have an abortion, what about people who were forced? or what about women who had to make the choice even though it wasnt thier first? i didnt feel relief for quite awile after my abortion. it was one of the most emotional things ive ever done.
It depends on the study. "Most" can be generally defined to mean majority. I never said the research used the word "most", because frankly there have been repeated studies that use different criteria, but have the same consistent result.
By the way, to say that most women feel relief doesn't mean there aren't other emotions involved. I can speak from experience of having cared for over a thousand women having abortions that the biggest single predictor of stress/distress after abortion is to feel pressured into the decision. I've turned away patients who said they were unsure, or that they were having an abortion because their parents/BF/whoever said they had to, because of that reason. But I still believe that you can acknowledge that some women have ambivalence or negative feelings without negating the emotions of MOST (not all, remember) women who do get abortions. Remember, your experience is not that of every other woman (of the 1.2 million who get abortions annually). Neither is mine, Research looks at large groups, not individual people.
I know many people who have had an abortion, and only ONE of them felt completely ok with it after. the others all felt some form or sadness,regret, depression, or feeling sad w/o a reason. But over time, they accepted it and grew to be happy with their choice. i would phrase it as "most people have issues after an abortion, but overall, or in the end, are happy with their choice" because i think that it is normal and "most" people experience some negative feelings from an abortion whether its right after, or years later. But i also agree that many people are totally fine with it.
i realize i have never had one, all i am saying is i think that it is normal and fine to feel unhappy after, and its fine to feel wonderful after.
Also remember though that heresay from a friend may not be accurate. Maybe your friends said they felt guilt, depressed, etc, because that's what society expects you to feel after an abortion, one should definitely not ever feel or express relief. I'd trust research that allows women to express their thoughts anonymously a little more, considering real life stigma and judgement that may be attached to abortion may alter how a woman expresses it to even the closest friends or family.
I think the exact same could be said for research. two people have confirmed here that relief was not what they felt at all, and I would bet my last dollar that we are not alone on this bored. it almost felt taboo for me to even express that post beucase of the way abortion tends tobe dealt with here, thus the thread in the first place.
True. I was just saying that the research shouldn't be fully discounted, but neither should personal experience. Women should be allowed to define their own experiences. I think it's perfectly normal to feel relief, happiness, empowerment, and it's also perfectly normal to feel regret and sadness. All people approach situations differently and have different things around the situation, what is true for one person doesn't mean it's true for another.
I think it would be interesting to do a study where a woman is asked right after, a few days after, and a few months after having an abortion.
Yeah, that would be interesting.
I think of my abortion as a routine medical procedure.
I had no emotional attachment and don't really think of myself as having been pregnant.
I think about it the same way I think about my cryotherapy.
Maybe that will be different 5 years from now, but I'm thinking not.
i think that its important to realize context. like an abortion will not solve depression. or an abusive relationship. sexual trauma. or low self esteem.
i think that unplanned prengnacies are REALLY hard situations. and that abortion is not going to resolve that.
like, if you are pregnant young poor and in an abusive relationship an abortion is not going to solve the emotional toll that abusive relationships and poverty take.
one might wish to be in circumstances & relationships to support a child. & be really sad, conflicted about terminating a pregnancy.
but was that sadness about an abortion? was that unplanned pregnancy? would it be worse raising a child?
i think its important to reaffirm the full spectrum of emotions. and make fair comparisons. like, compare abortion's health risks to carrying a pregnancy to term. compare emotions of abortion to the emotions of unplanned pregnancy.
I just want to point out that several mamas including myself expressed concern in this thread about feeling pressured and/or judged for not choosing abortion, yet these feeling have not been validated or addressed at all! This is very upsetting to me.. If someone expressed the same concerns regarding keeping their child/having an abortion our mods would be all over it. I realize this site is pro-choice, but shouldnt we be respecting ALL choices??
hey sativastar i'm sorry you're upset that no one has posted that they are respecting all choices. maybe you could go look in the pregnancy and birth or the greetings forum and review the hundreds of message by girlmom members that say "hey, you can do it, whatever you decide," and "hey, congratulations" and all that, lest you get anymore upset. if you want your choice to birth to be validated even further, oh i dunno, why don't you go to the world at large who largely views women's reproductive capabilities as means to motherhood alone. go talk to the antichoice people who dominate politics. go speak with someone who believes religious rights take precedence over women's rights. go tell the majority of people out there who will say "hey cool."
try telling ANY of those same people that you chose abortion, and the story is much, MUCH different. why the hell do you think we established prochoice policies here in the first place? oh right, because even while under the judgement of many for having children in an environment that isn't viewed as ideal, your choice to mother your fetus will still be vastly more respected than mine was to get rid of it.
i could just as easily say i'm feeling as invalidated as fuck because of you and all the others who are saying "but why aren't we supporting mothers" (even though there are HUNDREDS of posts and threads that do just that), but i don't like to take things personally and don't like to make other ppl bend to my personal preferences instead of whats best for the site. i will say i'm highly disappointed though.
Word kaya. I don't know why the few threads that specifically target abortion have a flood of women who haven't had one saying "well what about me?! I'm offended that this thread isn't about me!" when, regardless of if keeping your child is looked down upon at individual times, the majority of the world will oppress a woman who has had an abortion.
I know I'm going to get people upset when I say this, but I'm going to say it anyway cause it's been bugging me.
The recent sentiment here reminds me of the "i've been pregnant five times" thread. It started out, I believe (and correct me if I'm wrong here) about sharing how many children you could have ended up with, sharing all the different options you've exercised with those pregnancies. Then posts came in like "one pregnancy, one child" "two pregnancies, two children" and I just sat back like "okay, this wasn't really about how many kids you have, the OP seemed to be sharing an idea quite different from that." And I know, I KNOW that it wasn't ANYONE'S intention to make me feel this way, but it felt a little like I'd failed somewhere. I just felt like, if you've had one pregnancy one child, is it really necessary to state in a thread like that one? I mean, unless you have Kidless Ally under your name, it's a given you've had at least one pregnancy and at least one child, and it seems like a lot of abortion and option sharing threads aren't respected as such.
I don't know, for a woman like myself, three pregnancies, one child, it was kind of a big deal that we could come out and state something that wasn't completely obvious in every other thread.
I mean, we don't state our abortions in our signatures the way we state our kids birthdays. And on this note I'm going to go change my signature. This is a safe space for abortion, and I don't think it's something I should feel I have to hide and maybe it'll help other women feel comfortable enough to share a little of their own experiences.
this might be really obnoxious and taken the wrong way since i've never exercised my right to choose, but maybe we could make a forum for women to talk about their experiencing with abortion and adoption the same way we have forums for women who are deciding to continue their pregnancy and have children. that way, although women who have never had an abortion would be able to post, it would be with the clear understanding that just like kidless allies, we haven't been there and shouldn't try to make it sound like we have.
i was one of the people who posted "one pregnancy, one child" on the threat the PP was talking about, and i'm really sorry. everyone else was doing it and i didn't realize what the intention was.
i just think the extra forum might be good idea, especially since there really is no forum that really fits stories about abortions and other reproductive choices.
sorry if this sounds rude. i feel like i might be taken the wrong way because i've never been in the situation, but know that i'm certainly NOT implying that women who have exercized their right to choose shouldn't be able to post on the other threads about it. AT ALL.
the policy is that we will not make an addition forum for abortion becuase it doesnt need to be singled out or hidden away in its own forum.
Maybe I'll need MOD help on this one...
I just read every post of this thread as carefully as I could- which of course, was interesting to watch it's evolution. To bring it around full circle to the initial concerns, I was trying to think of a way we can all be satisfied- if that's ever possible (at least regarding this issue).
I'm going to make a decision that I think only mods have an answer to or could find a way to make happen... Is it possible to have a default message answer an initial post in the Greetings/Salutations forum? I know we have sticky's but obviously we need to work under the assumption that the GM mission statement has not been read. Or maybe there is one person who can operate under Anonymous Mama, or be assigned the specific duty to answer every initial post.
I'm sure there is a way to find out approximately how many new posters there are every day so that person knows what they are getting into.
We could all construct this "Welcome to Girl Mom" message that would casually spell out a few things, refer to other info on the site, and overall be obviously generic, which I think takes off the personalness of asking those questions.
*I don't know about everyone else, but early on as a member here, I studied every post someone made in response to me/my own posts. For this reason, I think this idea is worth considering.
It could have a general welcome and then ask quesion, with links to answers/information, like this:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to Girl Mom,
We're really glad you found us. There are hundreds of active teen mamas here at GirlMom who have exercised a variety of reproductive choices. We are a supportive, pro-choice, active site for young mamas. We encourage posting in forums, but if you need individual support, feel free to Privately Message (PM) whoever you feel a connection with.
Are you pregnant? LINK HERE to sticky
Considering an abortion? Girl mom is a pro-choice site!!! LINK HERE to sticky
An "older" mama? LINK HERE to guidelines
Please read the Girl Mom mission statement and decide if we're right for you. LINK HERE to mission statement
We're glad you are here!!!!!!! Welcome!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ETC. Again, I think given the setup, the informality- I think it will be read and it will "weed out" some anti-choicers who may not be ready to be confronted with a supportive, pro-choice world.
If this is done, ikt leaves little excuse for "Sorry, I didn't mean it- I didn't know." I recall a reference to the mission statemenr when a member first signs up, but I honestly don't think people read it. It's like another box to click yes to...
What do you all think?
I'd change that to "whatever you choose, girlmom is a prochoice site" because then it encompasses everyone, therefore everyone reads it and not just girls considering abortion. That way everyone understands guidelines and there's no one thinking "well, that's not how I'm going, so I don't need to read that." KWIM? And make sure we say very explicitly that certain language isn't allowed, BEFORE they have a chance to use it.
I'm not familiar with the board's tech setup though, so I don't know if that would work, the auto response thing.
and pullupastar, having a separate abortion forum is also total troll bait which ends up damaging to everyone.
yeah, i think you are right about the wording. if this is even do-able, i think we need as much imput as possible, many suggestions and editors. what i threw out was very spur of the moment, just an example to put a visual to the idea.
i hope more people read and respond.
i didn't read all the comments cause i need to get to sleep but ill post my view..
if someone said "i jstu can't keep this baby" i personally would ask "why" just like i would to someone saying "i can't have an abortion" and that isn't baiting someone into anti choice, its asking WHY they thing they can't do it so you can give them support.
someone who says "i just can't have an abortion" could be asked "why" and could respond "i dont have the money" and that is somthing we could possibally provide help for, or direct them to assistance... asking why is not at all baiting, its gathering more information.
Well, the point of all this is that every woman has the right to do whatever she wants to without question as to her methods. And either woman, the one saying she can't have the baby, and the one saying she can't have the abortion, could just be disguising their real reasons by attacking other options so they feel safer in their skin.
i guess how you ask why is important... cause at the same time i do believe people may make a decision either way based on their world closely around them...not realizing abortion is a good option. being on this site has taught me A LOT, i may have said "i dont want to have an abortion" before being on this site, but now i'd be very open to it.
so how do we educate without offensive?
you should read the thread.
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