This is soooo hard for me to write. I was just reading the thread in this forum on abortion call-outs and was really moved. I'm crying right now, and I really want to share my story. Its finally the right time.
Please don't pick apart my language, its only the raw truth:
I grew up in a VERY strict Baptist church. As a child I routinely participated in "Pro- life" rallies, and picket lines. My mom was a member of Right to Life. In 1990 my parents went to D.C. to participate in the Rally for Life '90. I found Girlmom about three years ago I think. I didn't agree with its pro-choice stance, and I was one of those "seekrit" antichoicers Naivete mentioned in that thread :wink:. I did however respect GM and its pro-choice views so I didn't speak out. I began posting and really loved this site. I fell in love with the power and intelligence of the girls. I began to see that in "certain situations" abortion was not SO bad. When I became pregnant in '03 I knew without a doubt I would keep the baby. However, my fate was different. I miscarried at 9 weeks. At that point I felt so angry at those women who had had abortions. I wanted my baby so bad, and lost it. How could any women do that intentionally? I got pregnant again last January. I planned to keep it. Then, my BD became terrifying. He followed me around, showed up at random places, scared the shit out of me. I decided to have an abortion. I had to get away from him. If I didn't have his baby he had no claim to me. It was the perfect getaway! After much deliberation, I decided I did want to keep the pregnancy and I would simply hide it from him. Many of you know the rest, but I'll just say that, I did have her. She's almost one. He's in our lives, but not fondly :)
So, fast forward to a few months ago. I was looking through some pictures at my mom's house looking for something to scrapbook. I came across her photos from that rally in 1990. They were absolutely grotesque. I don't want to elaborate more than to say people were dressed up in costumes, and it was just soooo graphic. I was appalled. What kind of FUCKING PROPOGANDA was this? Why the hell would anyone take something and make it so disturbing? Abortion can be traumatic, yes, but it can also be a great relief for some. For most, I think its somewhere in the middle. Just my opinion.
Anyway, I have unlearned SO MUCH from being here, and I credit Girlmom entirely with this. I never knew what it was like to walk in the shoes of a pregnant teen, but I feel like I understand it so much more now. Thank you girls for being strong enough to stand up for women's rights. I am a total convert. I want to apologize to a certain friend I tried to push my beliefs on all those years ago. I'm sorry, Andi!
Thanks for all of the stories you've shared here, ladies. It is sooo important that we empower other women. I know now what that nagging voice in my head was all those years ago, that kept saying,"Who are you to tell these women what they can and cannot do with their own bodies?" It was my feminism, it was my voice. It was my PRO-CHOICE!
I just realized...this could DEFINITELY use a trigger.
I really, really liked that. Thank you for sharing. I know what you mean about wanting to apologize to a friend. When I was young and stupid I told my best friend I didn't know if we could stay that way if she had an abortion. Turned out she wasn't pregnant, but I just want to roll back time and be in that room to slap myself across the face. There was no excuse for that kind of reaction, but I didn't know any better.
Being pregnant with Matthew changed all that. I suddenly knew what it was like to face the world as a pregnant teen, I knew the stigmas and I knew the pain and difficulties. Now I'm raising my son to know that, too.
I added a trigger to it :)
I'm glad that you were able to decide what is right for yourself. I was never anti-choice, but being here, being pregnant and having an abortion all are things that helped me become more pro-choice.
I have a similar story to you Jackie. But my mom was never so extreame. We never went to rallies... we never even talked about it. When i was 16 i had a pregnancy scare and my mom actually said to my "abortion is not an option in this house" and i said " i knooooww, mommmm!" Looking back i wish i would have known what i know now, and stood up to her. I love my mom to death and i think she is slowly seeing things our way ( mine and my sisters ) It's just so hard and sad when someone you love so much and means so much to you has differnt views then you do. Thank you for sharing your story! The last part is really powerful about your pro-choice voice!
hey quelyn, I can relate to growing up at those rallies. My parent's are hard core "right to lifers". My mom's been arrested tons for blocking doors and my dad's been the lawyer for countless anti choice fucks. I was really confused about my stance, until I had Cae.
Its so good to know I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing.