Iâm really upset by the abnormal psych class I just came from. And I mean really upset, like maybe irrationally angry kind of upset. I like my professor. I think heâs a nice enough guy, even though heâs pretty full of himself, and he works with victims of violent crime for free and is overall pretty cool. But tonight we were talking about PTSD, and he just crossed so many lines and made me furious.
He was talking about how in order for people with PTSD to be able to function in society and be able to live their lives in even a semi-normal fashion, they have to be exposed to the conditioned stimulus over and over again until they are able to realize that yes, it was a terrible thing that happened, but no, itâs probably not going to happen again and not everyone person who wears the same cologne as my rapist is going to rape me, and not every person who waits at the bus stop where I was mugged is going to mug me, which makes sense. Youâre not functioning if each time you pass by a person wearing Axe deodorant, you have to lock yourself in your room and miss class for three days. I agree with him up to that point.
But then he starts saying that if you have a rape victim who was wearing âsluttyâ clothing when she was raped, and she thinks she could have prevented it by wearing a different outfit that night, you should let her think that itâs true, even though itâs not. You should reassure her that the responsibility belongs entirely to the rapist, but you should also tell her that she probably could have prevented it by dressing more conservatively/not drinking/not walking down the street by herself, in order to preserve her internal locust of control. At this point, Iâm thinking, âUm. Victim blaming? Is he really advocating we blame the victim, in any way, for what happened? Certainly not. Iâll forget about it.â
So then at the end of the class, he says, âIn summation, any girls who are walking home tonight are idiots, because youâre probably going to get raped, because one in four women are raped in Charleston and youâre the most targeted demographic. If you donât have someone to walk you home, you need to call and find someone to pick you up. Youâre asking for it if you donât.â
And that really upset me because a) he didnât take into account that if one in four women in my city are raped and college students are the most targeted demographic, that means at least one of the women in the class has been raped and werenât we just talking about PTSD?, and b) what he said is full of shit.
Most women who are raped are raped by their acquaintances: relatives, dates, boyfriends, friends, etc. I certainly wasnât going to volunteer to share it with the class, but I have been sexually assaulted three times in my life. Two of them took place while I was in college and both times, I was assaulted by the person supposed to walk me home. In fact, in one of those cases, I was assaulted by the person (people?) who I literally asked to walk me home.
This made me really upset mostly because I have a big psychological statistics exam tomorrow afternoon that I desperately need to be studying for, and instead here I am, writing this entry about his stupid class, and obsessing over the details of the assaults and what a fucker I am, because even though I know itâs not really true, I was drunk one time and dressed scantily the other, and what? That makes it my fault?
It was my fault that I was fourteen years old and a 21 year old man lied to me about his age, convinced my parents to let him stay at our house, and then forced me to have oral sex with him? Why? Because I went out with my friends and met him at a âfor teens onlyâ event that should have carded him at the door?
It makes it my fault that the people I was supposed to be able to trust the most, my boyfriend and my best friends, couldnât be trusted around me when I was intoxicated or wearing shorts? Seriously? Itâs my fault that I got really drunk and then made the mistake of asking the girl who had been my best friend all throughout high school if she and her boyfriend (who I had also known for the last four years) could take me to my apartment because I was too drunk to think or walk? It was my fault that the guy who had taken me to the house, who was my ex-boyfriend and good friend and supposed âdefenderâ of honor and integrity at his military college freaked out when he found himself participating and left me there to be assaulted? It was my fault that when I said my head hurt, they would lift my head and force me to drink more until I passed out, and then turned it around when they talked to my roommates to make it seem like everything had been consensual?
It was my fault that I invited my boyfriend into my house and kissed him? And my fault that he weighed 100 pounds more than me and could hold me down when I told him I wanted him to stop?
All that thinking really made me realize something. I am at fault for one thing. I am still in contact with/friendly with everyone who did these horrible things to me (with the exception of the guy when I was 14). One of them reads my fucking journal and leaves comments and sends me presents. I still talk about these fucking people like theyâre my friends. And the weird thing is, unless Iâm in situations like tonight where something triggers me to think about it, I donât. I donât remember it or think about it at all. I can hold conversations with them and it will not pop into my head. We go to lunch. I send them postcards. I give them hugs when I see them in the street. What the fuck.
Whatever. I can't write about this anymore.
if this is keeping you from doing what you need to get done (ie studying, school work, paying attention in his class) then i think you should discuss this with the department chair. if you don't get a satisfactory response, take it sraight to the dean. like you are saying, chances are that you are not the only person in that class who was sexually victimized in some way, and if you speak out others may, too.
if you aren't comfortable with that, write an anonymous letter and send it to both the department chair and the dean. you'll know it got through- he'll be required to re-adress it in class.
also, it sounds like this man has unresolved issues with sexual abuse, for whatever reason. you said he works as a volunteer with victims, so he may be at a point of over-exposure and really need to seek help himself. however, his behavior is unexcusable and it needs to be nipped in the butt asap. especially since he has is in a power position where he has direct contact with both students and victims. good luck. it needs to be done.
I totally agree with taking this to the dean. Other people might be feeling the way you do. The proffessor should not get away with what he said and the way he made you feel.
I would first bring it up to him. I had teachers who have said things that deeply hurt me and when I brought it up to them and we got the chance to talk about it they thanked me for coming to them and really listened. If you feel like your not getting anywhere I would go to the Dept. Chair. But either way its a discussion that needs to take place behind closed doors to really get both of you to talk it through. I don't think bringing it up in class will work and maybe contacting him to talk about it during his office hours might be okay. Do you know anyone else who has taken the class with him? If so, ask them if he ever brought it up. Find other girls in the class and see what they say. I don't think your over reacting and I think its something to make sure gets resolved.
I think its messed up to assume that everyone who dresses a certain way "deserves" it. Might it call attention to them that they might not have normally gotten? Maybe. But most people aren't raped in a club or a bar. They are raped at home by people they know. Its not someone hiding in the shadows waiting to see the next girl who is dressed a certain way. Its could be someone you know and love. That I think is insane to even think or tell an entire class. He obviously isn't all that read up on the subject.
Even more so because so so so many women are sexually assaulted (and some men) you never know who is sitting in front of you. So while you might not have offended half the class you just made most likely one or two people in that class possibly rethink everything they have worked so hard to overcome. What he said could be detrimental to someone's psyche. Many people might not want to say something because they don't want to relive what happened to them, or even think about it. They don't want to be insulted by someone who might never know what that feels like. So I think you should take this to him and if he doesn't listen to someone who will. Because you seem like you are passionate about this to talk to him to talk to someone who will make something happen. Because its not right and who knows how many people he has offended...
What he said was totally fucked up, particularly in the context that he works with survivors of violent crimes. I agree that talking to someone would be a great thing to do, though I can understand your reluctance to talk to him after what he said, because you're right: you probably aren't the only one in his classes who is a survivor and felt hurt by what he said. There might even be survivors in that class who don't have the sense to realize that it isn't their fault and believe the garbage he was saying. So yeah, someone needs to make it clear to him that what he said was inappropriate. I'm so sorry that he said that and triggered you, and I'm glad that you're upset with him.
the thing that makes me the most upset is that his job is to talk with rape victims when the appear in the crisis center, sometimes only hours after being raped. that he would routinely reinforce the belief in these women that it was their fault is appalling to me.
Thats why I think its important to talk to him. Maybe he just said things and didn't realize how they were coming across. Maybe he doesn't know how he could hurt someone. I would hope someone in his position of authority and trust wouldn't be like that but the sad through is that people can.
Off topic but when I got an OOP against my ex instead of telling me I was doing the right thing the issuing officer looked at me and said "you'll be back in a day to get this removed. i know how these things work." um fuck you. i don't think people know how much words can hurt someone.
woaaaaaah. thats f'in nuts. but you know im not even surprised. you hear that all the time. and although its fucked up, i think this IMO that PYSCH itself tends to do alot of personal blaming, everything is "brain" oriented, not socially oriented. which is problematic when it comes to stuff like this.
What's an OOP?
Order Of Protection.... i think
yeah it is order of protection...
that's sucha load of bullshit! I'm totally outraged! that was your fault just as much as my "date" trying to pin me down in a bathroom stall! Write to everyone you can and just remember that this guy, clearly, has issues with his own life. He had no right to say that--especially in a classroom. Ww are not the only ones. :( :evil:
i agree that you should talk to him first. its important in this situation that you speak to him and let him know he had hurt you and maybe a good talk goes with if. if well he doesnt want to hear anything you have to say then u take it a step further.
to be honest i would have been really pissed and even tho i dont talk to anyone about my rape i probablly would have been so furious at that point and just went off which isnt good either.
so good luck with this and i hope things work out.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. big thing to remember.
I think that you should definately talk to someone about this. What he said is so screwed up and untrue and a room full of psych students shouldnt have to listen to that. It goes against what so many feminist researchers have proved. Is there a womens center or something in your school? At my school we have a Gender Issues Center. If there is something like that, they might be able to help you file a complaint and support you through it. Even if there isnt a center, talking to a womens studies prof may be helpful too. Good luck with this, I hope for your sake and others that this guy is reprimanded for teaching like that.