okay so here's the story:
eighteen months ago i had a two-night stand with a guy from england (i'm an american citizen). the second time we slept together, i got pregnant.
the day i found out i was pregnant, he called me and asked me if i wanted to go somewhere with him, and i told him no. and that i was pregnant. and he acted like a total jackass and said things like, "well, that's nice but anyway, my friend wants to hook up with your roommate." yeah. real charmer. so i hung up on him and called me back and told me he was sorry and he was going to come over and we could talk about it. i said ok, gave him directions. he never showed up.
seventeen months go by. i don't hear from him, i can't find him, he goes back to england. i get back together with my high school sweetheart when i'm two months pregnant. i have the baby. i raise the baby with my high school sweetheart who is pretty much her father, and whose family has totally accepted the situation and the baby.
a few days ago, i get a myspace message from BD. and he acts like he was all surprised to get on myspace, find my page, and learn that i was pregnant and had a baby. he's LYING! he clearly knew because i called him so many times. i have his mother's phone number and address because i looked her up after i had the baby. i tell him he had better talk to me or i'm going to call his mom. i have to tell him this over fucking myspace because he won't talk to me any other way and i don't have his phone number.
so what does he do? he just doesn't log back onto myspace to check his mesages. he's just ignoring me and that fact that i had this baby. i don't know what to do. i'm so hurt that i just can't stop crying. i want him to take responsibility for his actions, especially since we're really broke and could totally use the child support. but since it's an international situation, i just feel stuck and terrible.
i don't really know what to do with myself. do i call his mother? and what do i say? she doesn't even know i exist!
please, i need some advice and encouragement.
Well, when I was pregnant with my oldest and BD was a complete asshole I called his mother.
She is weird but she got me the information I needed to collect child support (this was 10 years ago).
I'd give the mom a try. Don't let her give you any shit, ok?
Just explain the situation and hopefully she will want to help out her grandchild.
ugh, guys can be so horrible! I am in a simular situation with trying to get child support internationally. my BD took off to australia after finding out that i was pregnant and has been there ever since. i havent talked to him since i was pregnant and my son is now 10 months. My mom ended up having to call his mother to tell her that i was pregnant because he wouldnt tell her, but she pretty much acted the same as he did and has been ignoring the fact that she even has a grandson. I live in canada, but from what i have been told theres nothing i can do to get CS from him until he returns here, if he ever does. its really unfair, im sorry that you are going through this. but if i was you i would call his mother, atleast theres a chance she may help you figure things out, and if not atleast you know you have done all you can do right?
My son's father has nothing to do with him. at all. And even six years later it still hurts.
What is up with Myspace? The only contact BD has had with my son over the past two years have been a couple of messages that said things " tell Noa I love him and miss him!" Which were clearly put there so that other people reading it would think that he actually has a relationship with his son. Fuck that noise.
If you think you can call his mother I would do it. I wish I had enough guts to do so.
well, i got in contact with him and he's already pulling the whole, 'i really want to come to the states and see you both and i'm so happy and give lucy and kiss for me, but by the way i am totally broke right now and my car just died excuse after excuse after excuse i don't have any money to give you but i want a picture of her to carry around in my wallet."
fuck that noise.
:roll:
yah, when I got pregnant & called BD to tell him because he was a drug addict around the time I found (still is) and he wouldn't come over (my sister & friend were with me when i took the test) i called him up anyway and he says, "I don't want to hear it ... tell me Monday."
Fuck that, I was so angry I told him right then & there. AH.
And ignore him, I would - I blocked BD from my myspace and he has pics of him doing cocaine on his site, nothing mentioning how he has a kid or anything. And he wants to see her?
Right ...
so yah, ignore him. ... seriously he's being a huge ass. you don't deserve that extra shit in your life.
but you think it's still worth it for me to sue him for child support? or shoud i just cut my losses?
My advice is to try for child support if you really need it, but you have to remember that if he pays child support he also has a right to see her and it will be partly your responsibility to get her to him. If you dont want him to see her then don't try for child support. If he doesn't want to be in her life then be glad that your sweetheart does. A dad is the person who is around to help raise her and love her and obviously he does so be lucky he is around, Even if the BD isn't!
Good Luck and hope i helped at least a little