Okay, so I've been thinking a lot about this: I'm going to carry my baby to full term, and I want to raise it to the best that I can, with the help of my parents. The thing is; Dev and I had a talk last week, after my first pre-natal appointment, and he was saying that he wanted me to think long and hard about continuing the pregnancy, and me raising the baby, but he still wanted me to consider abortion and adoption. I'm not against other mothers who have had abortions done, or are considering to have them done, but me, as an individual, I just didn't want to consider it, because it's not my baby's fault it was conceived, and I want to give it a chance at life. Devon, however, is against adoption, but he said he was willing to get information on both abortion and adoption, even though we both don't like each idea, just so we have more options to look into if either of us change our minds.
Saturday, I made up my mind. I decided I would carry the baby to full term, and raise it. I talked to Devon on Sunday, and he said he thought it would be a good idea if we got our own apartment next year before the baby's born. Two days before that, with our talk, he mentioned how he's not in love with me, or whatever, and that kind of hurt me alot because he would joke around saying he did, and all he's doing to me is confusing me. He also said he had plans to move out to Alberta next year, but now he said he can't, because he doesn't want to ditch off on me and the baby, because that's what his dad did to him when he was a baby. He's very persistant on staying out here to help me raise the baby, but he also said I shouldn't expect full term committment out of him, or a ring, or a house, or a little dog. He confused me with his negativity, and how he said, "You know, this is gonna be so fucked up in 2-3 years, right?" because he believes we will eventually get mad at each other, and our relationship will fuck up our child's emotional well-being. :roll: What pisses me off the most is he says for me to not expect any committment out of him, but if we're going to live together, shouldn't we at least have some kind of feeling towards each other? I mean, what's the point in living together, if you're just doing it for the baby? It's not like I'm gonna just say, "Okay, sure, let's live together", and then 3-4 months down the line, he decides to find another girlfriend because we're only "going out", and we're not engaged or whatever. Like, he should have some kind of committment towards me too if he's going to live with me and our baby...
I don't know how to go on about this situation. I feel like just breaking up with him, because he seems to talk about how we'll be split up in the future, than being with me, and raising our baby. He also asked me last night how long I think we'll be living together? How the hell should *I* know? I told him I thought I'd leave that up to him to decide because he seems to know what the future holds for us. He seems to have it under control, and when I say, "It's gonna work, everything will be okay", he says "No it's NOT okay, we're not going to be together forever!"