How can I get the bond I want?

This is actually quite common. Many moms have a hard time bonding with there kids, it just takes time sometimes. Especially if you werent able to be together during the first week. Your not a bad mom and no one will look down on you for saying this. It's just the way it is sometimes. I dont have any advice really, just know your not alone, and that in time you should feel more bonded to her ;)

My daughter and I did NOT bond for about four or five months, and even then it was not the best bond in the world.
I can joke about it now- say "Yeah.. .we didn't really like each other". And we didn't. It's a bit hard to talk about though- I felt like the worlds shittiest mom, because I really didn't LIKE her that much.
Here's what helped me with it though- I did love her, and I took care of her, was there whenever she needed me, etc. I took care of myself as well, taking time when I needed it.
As Zoe has become older (she's two now), our bond has deepend DRASTICALLY from what it was.

It's really hard to bond with a new baby. They're REALLY needy, clingy, ungreatful, unresponsive to you (unless you're feeding them, and then their only responcive to the boob or whatever).
But, as Zoe got older- she got more of a personality, she responded to me, to things I did- and that continues to happen more and more.
I tell people, "As Zoe gets older, I like her more and more!" And it's true- she's a funny, happy, healthy, well adjusted two year old, who talks back to me, laughs, cries, and comes and gives me hugs.
Your kid will be fine, even without the IMMEDIATE bonding period.
It's hard, but with time it will happen.

I have heard lots of skin to skin contact works wonders. Bonding is not always automatic and easy. Apparently sometimes it can be a long adurous process. Hold her with both your shirts off. Look in her eyes. Think about this. To that baby you are the world. You are the most important thing in her life.She needs you.

You are so not the only mother to feel this way.
I feel bad that you were scared of getting criticised for feeling this way.
GM is so much more broadminded than that, trust me!
If anyone were to trash you for feeling slow to bond they'd be the one to getting flamed!

It took me ages to fall in love with my eldest, fucking ages..
I can't say what age we were "bonded" it was a very slow gradual process. As was recovering from post natal depression.
Closer to 2 years than one.
Liked Katg's experience with her daughter I found as Big M grew older I liked him more.
In general I'm not really into the baby stage, especially the first 12 months. I love having kids and see the baby stage as a trial to overcome with the reward being a kid!
I did bond quicker with Little J but I had it far easier, my wife birthed and breastfed him! But still that strong adoration, admiration, parent-child feeling still took a bit to kick in.
Having time off was also helpful.
I was depressed and in constant contact with M, went mad really.
With M did heaps of skin-to-skin, breastfeeding and sling carrying, I'm sure it was good for him. But I was still a miserable sleep deprived zombie!
Being able to go out, miss him feel like myself again and come back refreshed helped the bond grow.

Be patient with yourself and don't stress it.
It may take a year or two, it may be next week.
Take time off (if you have that option and for the sake of your sanity I hope you do!) to relax and recharge. Treat yourself well.
Don't listen to anyone's opinions on what mothers are supposed to be or do or feel.
You're a good mother, the best mother for your child, and don't worry your child isn't suffering because you don't feel that bond yet.
Take care.

I'd have to agree that it takes time...

My son was born via c-section and I was out of it for awhile after the sugery so I really didn't get to see him. Then for two weeks I took it easy and recovered while my MIL and mom helped me out... I would say I loved Xander and I felt like his mom but there wasn't the bond that is now...

Once she starts smiling and laughing and not being as fussy and needing you so much it will happen slowly. At first i felt like I could hand my kid over to anyone and now I miss him after a few hours. It takes time and its really never happens like you see in movies. Give it time and hold her a lot and play with her. It will happen don't rush it...

I didn't really feel bonded with Trey until he was around 4 months old. Up until that point, he was majorly colicy and I was incredibly sleep deprived. I'd go through the motions of taking care of him, but never bonded until his colic went away and I slept more and more, and could just enjoy him rather than slaving over him night and day without sleep. I think most mothers go through this at one point or another, we're not just automatic love machines the second we pop a kid out, we're tired, we're cranky, we're off and we're human.