Kay so Trey is now 3 years, 4 months.
Up til now he's been fine with the dark, he doesn't have so much as a nightlight in his room, sleeps with the door closed, so it's always been pitch black in there, and that's always how he's liked it.
But daycare let the kids watch Monsters Inc, and now he's afraid to go to sleep, he doesn't like the dark and definitely will not sleep if the closet is open.
I don't want to just cave into the fear, because that's showing that the fear is founded and I don't want that, I want to help him through the fear, but what are some ways to help him get over it? I'm not cool with just leaving him in the dark, I think that just would just compound his fear and make him lose trust in me.
Has anyone else been through this? What are some things you can do or steps you can take to help kids not be so afraid, or see that there's nothing to be afraid of?
Is him using a night light an option?
My son uses one. He seems to be fine with it. If its not on he freaks at times.
Lyric used a nightlight for a long time, I explained to her there was nothing to be scared of and that she could use a night light. So she did, then the other night she asked me to turn it off because she "couldn't sleep ..." and asked for the hall light to be on, which was fine by me.
I had a couple of books, too that talked about that which I read to her for a bit. She got better about it after a while.
Yeah we just picked him up a superman nightlight yesterday.
One warning though, so you never do what I did:
When we were in superstore I started rummaging through the super cheap DVD bin to see if there was anything good, cause 3$ a DVD is pretty good, and I found a Carebears one, so I read the back and the first story says that the Carebears help a little girl who's afraid of the dark and monsters in her closet, help her get over her fear. I thought, wow, what a coincidence, so I bought it hoping it'd help.
We were watching it, and the girl was scared and the Carebears are like "there's nothing to be afraid of, see?" and they open the closet, and then coldheart comes out and attacks them and Braveheart says "Wow there really WERE monsters in your closet!"
and then that's the last you see of the little girl, they don't help her with anything.
I was so mad! I was like, wth, that probably just set him back even more!
stupid thing. So don't count on movies to help unless you preview the movie first.
I have that CareBears one, Lyric got it for the holidays a few years ago ... yah, I know what you mean, too ... grrr
What about doing a check before bed? Checking the closet and other places that "monsters" normally hide? Maybe the night light only so he can see there is nothing to be afraid of?
I struggle with this too because I don't want DS to think I don't take him seriously but at the same time what can you do? We still cosleep so that has calmed a lot of his fears... (ps bring T over and we can have a sleepover!)
what about talking to him about how Sully and all the other monsters are nice. And they love the little girl and take care of her. And that "monsters" can be nice too! Maybe, if he is okay with it, getting him a Sully or mike teddy bear to sleep with, to "protect" him. I was soo scared of the dark ( still am to be honest ) and I have horrible memories of being scared. I slept with my mom alot, until i was like 11 or 12!! :shock: I was scared the witch for the wizzard of oz was going to get me. :cry:
That sounds like a good idea :)
I'm still scared of the dark too, I can't sleep unless the hall light is on. But I've made sure I've never relayed that to Trey or acted even partially nervous in darkness because I've never wanted to pass that on to him.
Yea. I worry about that with Navy. I don't want her to have my fears. Some nights I have to run and jump into bed because i get so scared. it's sad, i'm like a 5 year old! I just don't want her to think it's normal to be so scared of darkness.
Eric is afraid of the dark too... we do the check thing before bed, and he has a night light. Do you think Trey is old enough for a flashlight, so that if he gets scared he can just shine the flashlight and see there was nothing. I had one when I was little because I was scared of monsters too.
Both of my kids use nightlights and can't sleep without. Alexis also has certain toys that she must sleep with. I still keep their doors closed, though. Alexis is prone to nightmares if she sees the slightest scary thing. I just explain to her that monsters don't exist and the only monsters in this world are the bad people. But she's safe in our house and no one will ever get through me to harm her. She still has dreams, but she understands they're just a part of her imagination. I'm not sure how to explain these things to a 3 year old.. cause from my experience, it's hard to explain anything to him... low concentration levels. lol.
I usually just tell Trey that dreams are movies in his head, I'll sit and tell him "Dreams aren't real, they're pretend, like a movie. Your head plays movies while you're sleeping, makes them up, and most of the time it's a good movie, but sometimes you get silly movies or movies that scare you, and then all you have to do is wake up, think of good thoughts and go back to sleep"
He used to get nightmares a lot, and that explanation a few times really helped, because now on the monitor I'll hear him cry, then sit up, and then say good things to himself like "good dreams, Dora, ice cream, dinosaurs.." and then I'll hear him breathing deep again. Which is good, because then I'm not running in spending a half hour explaining to him or calming him down, he can calm himself down now.
Even this movie I don't think caused bad dreams, I think it just made him scared of actually falling asleep. He has his superman nightlight now, and he knows that superman can beat up anything, so he's not scared any more. For the first few days he'd start whimpering, and I'd tell him "Look, super man is plugged in, what does superman do?" and he says "get bad guys.." and I say "yes, so there's nothing in your closet, but even if you weren't sure, Superman is here to keep you safe and fight off anything"
That's a good idea - the whole dream/movie thing. I explain it somewhat the same way to the kids, pretty much highlighting the fact that dreams are not real and they're just stories in their heads. I used to suffer from nightmares as a kid and my parents never really explained anything to me... That's why I think the night terrors effected me so badly. Communication and honesty are key.
One thing I'm gonna try with Cae if he gets scared of the dark is making a safe night time lovey. We can make like a sock monkey type of thing and put stuff inside that will make us feel safe, then sew it up and use it to cuddle at night.
Sock monkeys are soooo much fun to make. I made a few a long time ago and managed to sell most of them on eBay. I still have to kicking around here somewhere... one of them was my "experiement" and he's the funniest looking sock monkey you ever did see. lol. Have fun with that!!!!
How are you doing with this?? I was reading my Dr Sears book tonight, and came across Bedtime Fears. It made me think of you and T. He has some really intresting ideas in here. I'll so ahead and share, not sure if you need the info. But maybe it will help someone else! :D
~ Ask you LO to tell you what darkness means to them ( after an age that they can understand, usually around four ) have them draw a picture of what their dark room looks and feels like to them.
~ Gradually increase exposure of darkness. Play dark tag, beginning with the lights on in a room preferably one that has a dimmer so that you can gradually dim lights. Play hide and seek at dusk, and let the game extend into the darkness. Play follow the leader as you weave around the yard at night on an exploring expedition. Hold your LO hand at first, as you explore together.
Chasing monsters out of Rooms.
Let him describe the monster and tell you exactly where it is. Walk around the room together, letting him share his worries. Fearing monsters is a developmental stagein which the monster stands for a frightening world. Childish fears being what they are - illogical - an explantion may not work. a more imaginative response is called for: " I'm the Mom in this house and I don't allow monsters in here. He'll have to leave." then you step into the closet and have a talk with the monster. Do these kinds of responses mean you have "caved in" to childish behavior? No, they don't. They mean you understand what that dark shawdowy room looks like to your child; your recognizing his reality by playing along shows him a way of mastering his fears. How else can a parent confront a pretend monster, if not by pretending a little!
Dang that was lot...I hope it makes sense. I reworded most of it. The outsde thing might not work the best in cold climates, but i think a dark living room would work just as good!!! hope that helps!! :wink: