... to a part of my life...
Yesterday was my 20th birthday and i feel like i said good bye to a big part of my life... i am no longer a teenager... there is soo much that happend over the last 7 years... and i feel like all of that it over now. I went through phases of depression, cutting, attempting suicide, having my brother attempt to rape me, but nothing happening to him because i was "so strong" and got him off of me before anything actually happened, cutting again, rebelling against my parents, getting pregnant, giving up my son, having a miscarriage, cutting yet again, being cheated on, going to college, joining a sorority, leaving college, moving back home, and finally moving out... i still fell just as "messed up" now as i always have been... but now i am scared to death that i will end up alone without anyone... all i have ever wanted to be is a mom, and i have been trying to get pregnant for the last 5 months or so, and i am starting to feel like N was my only chance to have kids, and i gave that up... i feel like having a baby is one of the MOST natural things a woman can do and i can't... i always figured that by the time i was "in my 20s" that i would be happy, i would have a boyfriend, i would be in nursing school, and i would know what i am going to be doing... but i have none of those things, i have Eric, a guy that i am head over heels for, but that doesn't want a relationship right now because he is leaving for deployment in a couple months, i am done with pre-reqs for nursing school and doing nothing... and apparently there is something wrong with me because i can't get pregnant. but it is time to say good bye to beinbg a teenager and face the fact that i really am an adult... it is scary
sorry it was so long... i just had to let it out...
Hey, I'm totally with you, my b-day is in 3 days and I'm starting to freak out, same as you. Life has it's up's and down's so hopefully soon you will have some ups. Stay strong.
I agree with D'sMamma. I will be 25 this summer (August) and it's definitely scary! You think of the things in your life that has happened and reflect on it ... it can be overwhelming. But I think you've done awesome from what I have seen, and yes stay strong. We are all here for you if you ever need to talk! And you're on myspace and my friend on there ... :)
Ugh. I don't wanna turn 20. My birthday is coming up in 3 weeks....eesh.
I felt like that too when I turned 20, like you are leaving the end of a part of your life and starting a new one. And yeah, totally not ready to be an adult either... even though technically having a child at 17 made me an adult by default. I felt like by the time i was 20 I would be all successful and rich (of course) and have the guy and all that but no... I am just as messed up as I was at 19 but now I am not a teenager. So yeah. I know what you mean kinda but I don't really have any advice because I really haven't figured it out yet! And I have been 20 for a while!
It DOES feel weird. I still forget I'm 19, and say to ppl I'm 18. 20 is still young, but it feels...old at the same time. It's not like you're turning 13...idk....it's hard to explain. :?
Ann, not getting pregnant in five months does not mean by any standards you cannot get pregnant. It is pretty standard for it to take a year for people to get pregnant or more. It really is a slim chunk of each month when it is possible, and its east to miss that window.
I also just did the big 2-0 on Valentines Day, and it really does feel overwhelming, doesn't it? I empathize with ya! I can't believe how much I experienced between 13 and 19. It can be sad to say goodbye to all of that, but such a great fresh start as well.
Charlie thanks... it took over 2 and a half years of un protected sex with BD to get pregnant with N :( it is just soo hard that all (literelly all but one) of my friends IRL are either pregnant or have infants and they get pregnant soo easily... but not me :( *sigh*
thanks for every for your responses too!!! i helped to let it out, it is soooo good to know i am not alone in feeling this way
right... I meant to touch on that too. Most women it takes a while to get pregnant. Don't beat up on yourself about it, it doesn't make you any less of a woman to not be able to get pregnant right away. It will happen!
i said the same thing when my bday was just around the corner.. it was crazy to think that i wasnt gonna be a teen anymore, and when asked my age i woudnt be saying "teen" at the end of the number. now just about 2 years later and turning 22 in july, its even more crazier!! LOL
its fun, its fine, scary.. but its worth it. and just think at 21 youll have another great milestone to look forward too!!
I'm turning 25 in May and I'm not exactly where I wanted to be at this age. I thought my life would be more on track and I'd be more stable and have a house and a car. Things don't always turn out the way we want them to. I still feel like a kid, even though I KNOW I have to become an adult sooner or later.
Don't stress about the pregnancy thing, Ann. You still have tons of time to have more. Trust in yourself.
i know how you feel . im my mind i am so young, i feel like i was just 16, i blinked n now im almost 20. and i feel with the exception of my daughter i am no happier or more successful than i was 5 years ago.
but you can do nursing school if you want to. and you have another 20 years maybe more to get pregnant and have kids, most people it can take a while especially bc theres so few days you are able to get pregnant.
try not to stress on the time and just enjoy the sex. :)
I'l be 18 in june. just this year alone has changed me so much. i've gotten engaged, moved ot of my parents' house....and a million life lessns stuffed in there too. I really feel like just recently i've grown up very quickly.