Community Advocacy and Support by and for Young Mothers

Boyfriend's best friend

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flamingred's picture
Last seen: 6 years 2 months ago
Joined: 2004-05-06 18:31
Boyfriend's best friend

So my bf is norwegian... we met on the internet, and we're now living together. I haven't met any of his family or friends irl, though I have spoken to some online, including his best friend. We're flying to Norway for two weeks tomorrow and the thought of being with his best friend makes me ill.
The guy has taken an instant dislike to me. When bf told him that we were together, he was sort of pressuring him to find another girl... which increased GREATLY when he found out I had a kid. I could tell that the guy didn't like me because he was always so abrupt and rude when we talked online. Once, my boyfriend tried to get me to talk on the phone with his best friend but the guy refused. He kept making excuses for it, saying that that's just how he was, a lot of it was the cultural difference (his friend didn't speak english very well at first), that it was just a bad time... but I really felt uncomfortable with it. And his friend kept saying over that he need to 'drop' me and find a 'nice norwegian girl'. My boyfriend claimed it was all a joke.
Anyway, we moved in together in January, and it has just gotten so so much worse. His friend had like... a breakdown over him being here, and was wanting him to go back to Norway ASAP... demanding it. When my boyfriend isn't online, his best friend blames me. The last time I REALLY spoke to him was when he got really angry with me that my boyfriend wasn't only and told me that I had better get him immediately. I thought it was an emergency but he was just bored. As soon as my boyfriend got online, his best friend told him that he was fed up with me. Wtf? Then he keeps saying that he knows I'll get pregnant or something to trap him and when my boyfriend said I didn't want anymore children, which was sort of a problem because HE thought he might want children, his best friend said I was lying because ALL girls want to do that - get pregnant. It's gotten so bad that he sort of HAS to step in and tell his friend to back off, but I get so angry because he's not actually defending me... just telling his friend to calm down.
The latest thing that's been going on is his friend is wanting him to go to Spain with him, and then on a cruise, and I would be stuck at home. When his friend found out I was going with him to Norway, he freaked out because he wanted him all to himself and is making it clear that I'm not wanted.
Every time I bring it up, my boyfriend gets upset because he's like "why don't you trust me?" But it's really hard to be secure when his best friend is telling him repeatedly to leave me so they can be bachelors together.
I don't know. I am now dreading this trip and wishing I didn't have to go because the guy has never even met me, and has been incredibly nasty... what is he going to be like when I'm there?

Amy Rox
Amy Rox's picture
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 2004-05-08 22:23
Boyfriend's best friend

wow. that really sucks. it sounds to me like the "friend" is jealous. he could be jealous of your boyfriend getting away from norway, being in america, being with an awesome american girl, having a family, being happy....! there's a lot to be jealous of :wink: you may never really know what the issue is- can you live with that? he may just have some grudge that will not go away, so think about whether or not you're going to let this dude ruin your relationship.

it's SO hard to be in a position where you and your partner's friends don't get along. it sounds to me like your boyfriend is not letting it get the best of him, that he is doing a good job of keeping the two relationships separate. at the same time, i think it's an issue if you don't trust him to stand up to his friend, or if you think the friend is actually impacting your boyfriend's thoughts and feelings toward you.

take the higher road- just keep doing what you are doing. when you are visiting there, stay low key and be friendly enough, but don't put all your effort into it. this friend seems to enjoy torturing you through your boyfriend. don't let him! i honestly think that this trip, where you all will be spending time together IRL will either make things much better, or they'll just stay the same- it doesn't seem like it can get much worse! i wish you luck.

is your kid coming along on the trip?