I joined this site a while back, when i thought i was preggo. Not long after that, i became a kidless ally, hoping i could help out a few girls. I haven't been able to stop thinking ever since about how happy i was when i thought I was pregnant. I was thinking about trying to get preg. and i wanted to know what you all thought. By the way, it has been almost 7 months since i found out that I wasn't pregnant. Any advice you girls could give would be so helpful!
i would say ask yourself some questions first.
what was it about being pregnant that made you so happy?
can you financially support a baby?
what do you want in terms of school and or work. how would having a kid right now affect that?
what is your legal status. are you willing to choose to put up with alot of the legal hastles younger women must in order to parent?
i looked back at your first post about being pregnant. are you still in HS? do they have programs that will help support you while your pregnant or after you have the baby? Like daycare programs associated with your school or teen parenting counselors or an alternative school for pregnant or parenting teens? because it is really hard to make it through school without support.
also i saw your dad wasn't very supportive last time... how will he feel about you being pregnant again? will he help support you? or will you have to move out? will he help with child care so you can get a job?
and who will you get to impregnant you? it seemed the last guy didn't want to own up to getting you pregnant... would you be able to parent on your own? how would you do it without risking getting an STI? what if he wanted partial custody of the baby?
those are just SOME of the thousands of things you have to consider. don't get me wrong if you get pregnant we will support you. but being a mother is insanely hard and even harder if you do it alone/without support from your family... i got pregnant with DS at 19 and even then it was hard. honestly think about what made you happy when you were pregnant. if it was having someone to love you or to love maybe you need to think about why that is so important to you and where else you could get that. because a baby is forever and dealing with an asshat BD while trying to go to school and work so you can pay daycare and get homework done is not an easy thing to do when you were up with a crying sick kiddo all night...
jenni u took the words from my mouth. we will be here for u no matter what. I desire to be pregnant again sometimes but my struggle with life issues and ds makes me relize differently. Good luck with whatever u wnt.
My advice would be to create as strong of a financial net and support network as possible before I started to TTC. If you don't already have one, get a job and put all that money in savings. I know some high schools offer vocational programs or dual enrollment with local colleges. Try and get the qualifications for whatever career you want ASAP. Often, there are ways to get these qualifications much quicker than most people do. That's what I'd work on.
It's also good to look at things in the long run. Alot of people want to be preg. and want babies, but what about when the baby isn't a baby any more. They are only babies for a VERY short time. I'm not saying that you said that. Just a thought. I think it slips alot of peoples minds that they have to want a 3 year old, 6 year old, 12 year etc. It's a big decission. We will be here to support you whatever you choose. You have to do what is best for you. But it helps to have support from your family, money issues worked out, school issues worked out etc. Best of luck! :D
i agree with all of the pp's so im not going to repeat what they all said over again but i do want to wish you luck with whatever you do decide.
What made me so happy when i thought I was pregnant the last time, was because I have cysts on my ovaries, and I had been told that could affect my fertility. I have always wanted to be a mom, and I have always loved kids. I know there is a big difference between someone elses kids and being a mom, but there it is.I know I have almost $600 a month coming in at the moment, and I just started a work from home job that should pay fairly well once I get on a roll with it.I am already through with school, and I am trying to enroll @ University of Phoenix online asap.I am about to turn 17 in a few months, but yes, I am willing to put up with the hassles that young women have to. As to my father, he wouldn't be happy about it, but he has pretty much resigned himself to the fact i think. The only reason he's not going to be happy about it, is because i am the baby of the family, not to mention the only girl. And men......well, there is a guy I have been talking to, that I think might be willing. I am going to talk to him. He is a nice guy, and I don't think he would be an ass. I am thinking about having him sign a paper that says he won't ask for custody, and I won't ask for child support. If we did that, and had it notarized, it should be legal. And I realize that the baby, won't be a baby forever. And I am more than happy to be there for every bit of it. I hope this makes sense!
Thank you all for your advice, and any more you might have will be wonderful.
Hi there! I never read your post from 7 mths ago ( I am new here), but thought I would give my 2 cents. This is just my opinion and advice. But remember you are more than welcome to make your own choices (of course roll ). To me planning a baby is so much more than wanting a child. there is alot to it. I believe it should be ( a planned pregnancy) should be in a loving stable relationship....unless a finacally stable woman decides to get pregnant on her own(invitro or by a friend- who mutually signs away rights), who has a career, home, and wonderful support group. I mean I know, there is no such thing as being "totally to parent a child". But you seem so young (to plan a pregnancy, on purpose). I got pregnant end of my senior year at 18 yrs old...it is one of the most wonderful things to happen to me but the toughest also. I stay home with Joy (my DD). She can be very demanding, winey, and loving also. She drains alot of energy while bringing loads of fun to my life. I dont think people realize that, children need us and depend on us for EVERYTHING. Being a parent is a huge responsibility, that child's safety and care are your priority. You give yourself up to care for that child. Your social life, extra cash, free time, name brand clothes, ect...are pretty much given up to provide and care for your child/ren. I think (my opinion) you should work toward setting up a great career or schooling or establishing a finanical future. $600 dollars a month will not pay the bills and also pay for the needs of a child. Now getting pregnant on accident is completely different (mixed blessing). You must then deal with the consequences of your choice (sex). i think the two situations are different. Take your time, enjoy being a teenager, and work for your future. Also maybe in the near future you will fall in love with the right person and a little down the road you may want get married and have babies. Children are great but very much worth waiting for (it is fair to them and yourself..unless like I said you got pregnant on accident). Besides there is nothing worse than "baby- daddy drama" and do you even really know the guy you thought would being willing to get you pregnant. Just wait and get through school and start a career... then decide if it is the time to have children. Good luck with whatever you choose D
I'm sorry, not trying to stir the pot. But your post rubbed me the wrong way. Alot of the moms here don't have a "stable loving relationship" they don't have stable careers. They are young. And they are fucking awesome mothers. None of those things have any effect on how you parent. I am a fucking awesome mom and i have no "career" Honestly, what the hell kind of difference does it make if you get preg. on purpose of accient. Does that make you a better more if it was an accident. Instead of being young and planning it?? I know you were trying to help. But alot of your "points" were offensive.
i wrote a post eariler but the 'puter ate it! bad puter! bad!
things to consider:
will your parents let you stay if you decide to have a kid?
for how long? can you trust your safety and theirs to them and the assumption that you will not be asked to leave?
how much money do you plan on making? my 3yo costs just under 1000 a month. we have used aid programs before but i gotta tell you i would never plan to. nothing to do with shame etc. when you let social services, welfare, food stamps, medicaid people into your life you put yourself at risk for ALOT of intrusions into your world. you'd be surprised how many hoops one must jump through to get needed help.
if you have the time to plan would you give yourself a year to get your body and life into super shape? nobody would ever have kids if they waited until they thought they could afford it. but there's nothing wrong with taking 12 months to save some cash and get in shape getting body and bank book ready to conceive.
i have fertility problems too so i know the sense of urgency. you wanna do it and do it young cause of the fear of not being able to do it later. wile there is a big difference in trying to concieve betten 17 and 30 there isn't much of one between 16 and 18 or so.
also, family court can be kind of loosey goosey. if a man provided sperm outside of a fertility clinic setting and REALLY took it into his mind to try and get rights, i don't think a notarized letter would do too too much. it could be called into question or looked over. you'd have to get him to sign away rights after the baby was born or claim you didn't know who the father was and not put him on the Birth Certificate and having that legal document to prove you knew otherwise could be trouble.
First off that was my opinion...I told her to choose what she wants and good luck. I dont think being young makes you a bad mom ( I am 20 and pregnant with number two =). I really just believe a person who wants to plan a baby should be (I said single or in a relationship in my earlier post) be in a more finacially stable situation and she or her partener have a career. getting pregnant on accident is totally different (in my opinion). And I never mentioned to be a better mom you must be older. So please dont be offended...she asked what we thought.. and I tried to say my two cents in a polite manner. D
Thanks everyone for replying so quickly. I just wanted to say, Mom of 2, that although I realise your concerns and I recognise your concerns, I am fully aware of how much children depend on you for love care and support. I am already on my way to saving up all my extra cash and I don't buy designer clothes, and i hardly act like what some adults would consider a "normal teen". And Lauren Van, your right, and I would like to say thanks. I am not talking about trying right this minute, i am already trying to get in shape and keeping all the money I don't need for essentials. As I said before, I just recently started a work from home job, and i am going to enroll @ an online university. Between the time of my last post and this one, I had a long talk with my father. I told him my concerns, and he said that although he didn't like it, he would support me. Those words were music to my ears.And he understands. Although my mom and dad are divorced, I talked to my mom about all this along time ago, and she said that she didn't like me doing it so young, she would be exstatic(sp?) to have a grandbaby form a child she was still on good terms with(the divorce wasnt pretty). Once again, thank you all for all the good advice.
SORRY FOR RAMBLING!!!
lol. i'm sorry for rambaling in your thread :)
sounds like you're putting alot of time and thought in. i really do wish you good luck!
Well good planning for you and i wish you the best of luck! I do understand that maternal instinct that kicks in and says..."want a child child! Have to have a child now!". It is so strong and there's not a whole lot to change the way you feel. You sound like a smart woman who is planning a good future and I do wish you the best of luck! D