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StarlightBlaze
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I just wanna know if any of you ever...umm...I guess say things you normally wouldn't be allowed to say on here? I'm just really curious, but I totally understand if you feel that it's no one else's business to know the way you speak when you're not on Girl-Mom. Like, with the whole, abliest language policy, and everything, do you ever have an occasional slip of the toungue? Do you correct yourself? Does it bother you when people talk the same Non-G-M way?

I have to admit, I've been caught saying things I normally wouldn't say on here, but I thought about it afterwards, and the language DOES sound gross/annoying/intimidating, and I feel kinda...guilty about it, because my kid is around me all the darn time, and I don't want him to pick up what I say, or I freak out because I feel like a bad parent when he calls other kids "crazy" or something. I'm just trying really hard to change the way I speak about other people, and the way I use certain words, because I think it's a really good change to make, and it helps you understand what some of the words we say really mean, but sometimes, it's just so hard, and I forget! :?

naivete
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Uh, I say the B word in real life, like all the time. Not the greatest, but I guess not the worst either. I don't use abelist words IRL, I used to but when I got called out on here for it I realized how not only mean it was to use them that way but how uneducated I sounded using them. I call it out when other people use them too. I don't use racist words, I don't use anti sex work words, I keep my judgement at bay in everything I do in most regards.

But I have to admit I still have work to do I guess because I DO use the b word, and I do use it against other women, and I do have problems with how much I like other women, heh. It's not that great, and I definitely don't do it around my son, but if someone pushes me or something I turn around and snap "f-ing b-" or if I'm describing someone who's not that great I call them b's. I have to work on it.

StarlightBlaze
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naivete wrote:
Uh, I say the B word in real life, like all the time. Not the greatest, but I guess not the worst either. I don't use abelist words IRL, I used to but when I got called out on here for it I realized how not only mean it was to use them that way but how uneducated I sounded using them. I call it out when other people use them too. I don't use racist words, I don't use anti sex work words, I keep my judgement at bay in everything I do in most regards.

But I have to admit I still have work to do I guess because I DO use the b word, and I do use it against other women, and I do have problems with how much I like other women, heh. It's not that great, and I definitely don't do it around my son, but if someone pushes me or something I turn around and snap "f-ing b-" or if I'm describing someone who's not that great I call them b's. I have to work on it.

OoooOo. You're like me too then. I use the B word ALOT...especially out of its context. I am really bad for that, and I don't even correct myself because I am so heated when something happens to me like that. Even when I'm driving in the city with my son in the back, and people are driving how they're not supposed to be (I tend to believ I'm a good driver because I do under the speed limit, and I shoulder check and signal and everything...basically a worrier driver :oops: ) I will yell out, "STUPID, CRAZY DRIVERS!!!" because it makes me mad that people are driving like that, and I got a small child sitting in the backseat, but I'm sure you would all know the feeling.. :x :oops:

MamaCaboose
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I use the B word too, though not in front of my son. I actually find it very empowering most of the time (b/c of my own particular history w/the word), and usually when I use it I'm referring to myself (or one of my close friends) when I've done something I'm proud of. I do, occasionally, use it in a not-so-empowering way too, though. There are a few other words like that that I feel are fine in my own life, but that I wouldn't use on girlmom. Most of the language that's unacceptable on girlmom, though, I do try to avoid because I agree with the reasons that girlmom finds such language unacceptable. IRL, I also feel like I have more room to judge context with the language I'm using and the things I'm saying. There are situational factors that don't come into play on the internet - for instance, even though irl I use the "b" word and find it empowering, I probably would still avoid it around someone that I knew found it offensive or hurtful, you know?

StarlightBlaze
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Yeah, that's totally understandable. This is actually weird, and kinda hypocritical, but I used to be friends with these two girls, and everytime they would say the B word, it was always something like "Hey b*tch, what's up?" or "I love this b*tch!!!", it would offend me, but if we were calling other girls down that we didn't like, we would use the same word, and I never thought once of it to be offending or anything. I guess it really does depend on how you use it, because sometimes, it sounds so damn gross, and other times, it seems okay to yourself to use it anyway you like. :? BD has a bad habit of calling girls b*tches because he thinks it's funny, but it sounds really gross coming from him. The other night, he was like, "I added this girl on _______, and I only added her for her music. Does that make me bad?", and I said, "No", then he says "I'll get a message from her, and I'll be like, "Go away, b*tch! I only added you for your music!" and that kinda ticked me off, then I said, "What if she's a nice person??? That's rude", then he said, "Well then she's a nice b*tch." :roll:

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I use the b word and stuff, but its like, I call my friends my b's and stuff as in like, a joke kind of. Also I kind of feel like its not always a bad thing when i call myself that because basically it is an assertive woman. but I know that it can be used out of anger and not in the good way. Also, I do say crazy. I have been trying not to but I guess I just need a new word to replace it with!

StarlightBlaze
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SkyKid45 wrote:
Also, I do say crazy. I have been trying not to but I guess I just need a new word to replace it with!

I have a baaaaaaaaad habit of saying it, and I know its true meaning, and I even let my sisters slip when they say, "Caeolen! You're so crazy!" when really, he's being silly and hyper. Normally, I tell them not to say it too too much because it loses its effect, and it starts to sound oversaid. Just like "Oh my god"...my mom, being religious and everything, she normally lets us slide when we're saying it, but if we say it too much, it starts sounding ugly.

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I say the B word, too.... I try not to, but sometimes I slip. I usually try to use asshole in place of it... noth that that's much better....

I had a roomate once who told me that people who use profane words lack vocabulary... in his opinion. I think about that when I swear....

I don't use any other anti-woman words or racist words... And I expect others to keep them out of my house too.... I actually don't like Neil using the B word... not that he does much.... but I think I notice it more.

I sometimes use "crazy" when I could say hyper.... or something else... usually to describe Ais when she's running around the house...

I have some work to do...

Good Post!

mamatessa
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i used to say the f word a lot and really didn't even realize until ian at 2 y/o said it back. i was so taken aback i rarely use it anymore, unless im really mad. but while were on the subject my husband is REALLY bad about cussing. at home, in front of the kids, in public. he just doesn't care. and it can be really embarressing at times. this post came at a good time. im at my wits ends. any ideas on what to do? i know hes an adult but still he has such a potty mouth and im afraid its gunna rub off on the kids. not to mention we already get the "stare' for being so young but the cussing make it that much worse

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Quote:
but while were on the subject my husband is REALLY bad about cussing. at home, in front of the kids, in public. he just doesn't care. and it can be really embarressing at times. this post came at a good time. im at my wits ends. any ideas on what to do? i know hes an adult but still he has such a potty mouth and im afraid its gunna rub off on the kids.

Have you told him that his language is inappropriate and that it's gonna rub off on the kids is he keeps it up? I know how you feel. I'm actually going thru the same thing right now with a friend who curses ALL THE TIME. she has a daughter, and when I bring it up to her that her daughter is going to pick up those words, she says that "She knows she can't use bad words." But why should she know the words in the first place, she's only 2! ugh. It's good that you recognize it, some parents just think kids cursing is cute. :roll:

Not that I'm perfect. I occasionally call things "retarded" and "crazy" and when I get angry, there's no stopping the string of obscenities. I call my best friend a B in a joking way...like if I'm pretending to be mad at her, and she totally understands. Don't think that's really an issue tho because I don't do that when we're around a lot of people (or my son). Since I've been around gm, I def. have less tolerance for people who use words like "gay" and "retarded" to describe the simplest things (my younger brother!) and I almost always catch myself. I think the more time you spend here, the harder it becomes to NOT change your way of thinking/speaking. Now if only I could convince everyone else....

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i used to use the B word a whole lot and sometimes i slip up and use it, but i've stopped because i take SUCH offense when someone calls me it, and i realized that in some ways, i cant really get upset if i refer to myself or other people as such. it's how i feel about the N word too. it has been made ok to say in the black community, but i have chosen to no longer use it because i know my history and if i were to ever be called that i'd fuckin flip! i also say "crazy", and i'm like you sky, i need a replacement word. i used to say "lame" alot, but now i just choose to say whack.

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i constantly tell him to stop. tonight actually we were arguing and i was like stop cussing and his response to that was "i don't have to fing stop. you're being a fing b!" if i ask him to stop it makes him cuss even worse. i love him and hes not a bad person. he just has potty mouth. i just so fed up! i mean like with my son for example if he ever cussed i could just reprimand him and wash his mouth out with soap. how do i punish a grown man for doing something he chooses to? its just so degrading! to be told to shut the f up and that you're a bitch.
and im kinda making him look bad and i don't mean it like that. he doesn't tell me those things all the time just when we fight but he does slip the f bombs into normal sentances

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I try not to use a lot of swear words at all. My friends actually used to make fun of me for it because I hardly EVER say words like that and when I do, I sound kind of awkward. I do kind of agree that swearing is sometimes due to lack of vocabulary. I always say that musicians who use a lot of cuss words sound so bad.

One thing I am bad at saying is the word "crazy". I try so hard not to say it, but it's so hard. I usually only say it to my dog, like "Penny, stop being so crazy." when she's hyper and jumping around the house. I always catch myself and feel bad. I need to find a new word to replace it.

The words I hate most are racial associated words, ugh. And things like "gay" and oooh the fa---t word. I HATE that. When someone uses those words I usually say something to them about it because I find them extremely offensive.

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Wow...so it's just not me then! I feel a little better at ease because I thought I was the only one who "rebels" offline when I'm not on the site! Elyse, I also tend to say the "g" word. My sister ALWAYS calls her little emo friends "f*gs", and it pisses me off, because she's like "I'm not calling them homos, I'm calling them the cigarettes"...Yeah...SURRRRRRRRE. :roll:

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I have a worry about this thread.

I'm not sure if it's entirely valid, but it's been tossing around in my mind since I posted, so I'm going to voice it. I'm worried that this thread could be hurtful or offensive to some girlmoms - I mean, girlmom has strict language policies for a reason, so when we say "oh, in real life I don't bother about that" isn't that sort of saying "I don't actually care that [enter term] is hurtful"? I know the tone of this thread has been "I'm really bad about this, I'm working on it" and I'm certainly not pointing fingers at anyone in particular (I posted in this thread too), but it's a little bit of a concern to me. I think it's a little bit analagous to saying "I act pro-choice on girlmom, but in real life I'm against abortion," and we all know how much someone would get called out over that. Since that's inappropriate for girlmom, couldn't this be too? Girlmom is supposed to be a safe space, where mamas don't have to worry about people using ablist/homophobic/sexist/whatever kind of lanugage that offends them - isn't a thread like this, even though it's well intended, essentially just bringing that sort of language to girlmom? Isn't it, in a way, violating the safe space?

I really don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings, and again, this is not directed at anybody - I started thinking about it after my own post, so if it is directed at somebody, it's directed at me - but I did want to see what y'all thought about it because it's been worrying me a little. Feel free to agree or disagree or whatever, I'd just like to know your thoughts.

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In a way it is introducing it into a safe space.... I agree there.

I haven't found offense with anything anyone has said, like you mentionned Hilary, everyone is currently saying that they are working on it....

It's sorta 6 of one, a half dozen of another to me....

For someone to read that "so and so" says.... "such and such" on a daily basis.... could be potentially hurtful, but at the same time, for someone else it may be refreshing to know that someone else is slipping up to... and working towards erradicating offensive language....

Does that make sense?

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I, persoanlly, am refreshed. I always feel so bad when I say "Cr*zy" or when I slip up on occasion and say "b*tch" in the not-too-nice way. I always feelt so bad, but knowing that I'm not the only one makes me feel so much better.

I saw a few of you couldn't find another word for "cr*zy". I try to use "nuts" (You're NUTS!) or "amazing" (That's so AMAZING!) or something like that, depending on the context.

i'm working on making it so that when I use my words, they are empowering. Re-owning, I guess you could say. I try not to use them in a negtive fashion... I used to be reallly uptight about people using those words around me, but now I am more relaxed about it. I'm slowly become more comfortable with myself using these words for good. there are also a few other ones I say that I only use to refer to myself with and they ARE empowering to me. they would seem like some of the meanest things to anyone else, but I have managed to make them my own and i'm so proud of that.

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I say the B-word. more then i should. I say crazy a little too. :? But that's really it.

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maybe we can turn this thread into a what to say instead of the things you are saying. Except in the case of reclaiming words, of course.

For me, when someone makes me angry I try and label exactly what I am angry about. Instead of using anti-people language I say something like. "So and so is completely inconsiderate" or "you are being intolerable".

It honestly feels better to me because I am being precise and setting a good example for Cae.

As for not using ableist terms. I say things like "Cae you are outrageous" when it is positive or something like that is absurd for something negative.

PS I put a trigger on this thread for language.

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Also Hylian, saying someone is nuts is still ableist. It has the same historical meaning.

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i get what you mean. its like saying hey we say we won't use that language but real life doesn't count because the mamas can't hear me use it. i kno we were just selfreflecting about our sometimes pottymouths but i see where you're coming from hilary

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Well, usually for me to take the ableist language out, more straight up curses come in...Like instead of saying crazy or retarded, I will say "That is so fucked up." I guess I'm still transitioning :oops: For the most part, I don't curse. I rarely call any women Bs in a negative way. If I have a problem with someone, I will just say exactly what the issues are, not start in on the namecalling. I don't get it when women say they don't like other women and their reason is because they are a B. I'm usually asking..but what is your actual problem with them? Like, the word doesn't explain anything, it just puts more negativity out there.

Hilary, I get what you said that this thread could be potentially harmful for someone who's had the language used against them. I *think* that the original poster was more trying to say that she doesn't want to use those words, and I'm definitely in agreement with that. This site gives a greater sense of how offensive a person can be when using ableist language- and I think everyone who's posted has recognized that we probably shouldn't be saying some of the things we do.

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i cuse like a sailor. And i don't plan to stop as dd gets older. Everyone keeps saying that i need to stop as dd gets bigger because she will repeat them. But its the way i talk. It's the way bd talks. that's just us. they are just words ( like fuck, shit, ass, hell, damn ) things like that. I will not teach my daughter to use anti-people words and to offend people. But does that make sense?? :?

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MommyKatlin wrote:
i cuse like a sailor. And i don't plan to stop as dd gets older. Everyone keeps saying that i need to stop as dd gets bigger because she will repeat them. But its the way i talk. It's the way bd talks. that's just us. they are just words ( like fuck, shit, ass, hell, damn ) things like that. I will not teach my daughter to use anti-people words and to offend people. But does that make sense?? :?

Makes perfect sense... that's how I am... everyone says, "You'll have to watch it, she'll repeat it." Really it doesn't bother me.... maybe it should, but it doesn't. I know when to pack it in, and she will too...

She repeats already.... She'll say ass... but she also says eye and Ais.... all the same way..... You so have to be able to understand the surrounding words, to understand anyways.

We just don't make a big deal about it...

I think pp's ideas of substitution words are great... I'm going to try adcaela's "Outrageous".... because really, that is what I mean.

I'd rather Aislynn used the "swear" words anyday... then anti-woman language, racist slurs, or ableist words.... hence why I need to work on eliminating them....

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Yeah, I swear but I don't swear in an anti people way and I don't use anti-people language. (or at least try my damnedest.) I don't think it is helpful to say where we mess up, because that can just be hurtful. But to say that we mess up is valid because it shows us struggling.

But I can assure you the words you are struggling with are not the words that are hurting you, they're hurting other people.

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yabinti wrote:
I'd rather Aislynn used the "swear" words anyday... then anti-woman language, racist slurs, or ableist words.... hence why I need to work on eliminating them....

OMG, reading that makes it sound like I struggle with all of them, which I don't. Some ableist language and the B word is where I struggle... but I made a deal with myself today while planting garlic, that I'm going to seriously work on it. Which is basically expanding my vocabulary....

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I wonder if anyone has any suggestions on alternatives to saying "my kid is driving me nuts!". Even "he's making me want to pull my hair out" could be offensive, you know?

Maybe "My kid is out of control" would work. Hmm. I'll have to think of more.

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my kid is frustrating the heck out of me or my kid is making me want to scream or my kid is driving me up the wall....

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Oh wow...I'm sorry to cause any hurtful remarks or anything...I really am. :? Now I feel bad... :oops:

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We just need to channel it into something positive. What are some ways you could change the language you use?

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adcaela wrote:
We just need to channel it into something positive. What are some ways you could change the language you use?

i know alot of times when i slip up with cr*zy it is out of rage or anger. i think that if i try not to get too caught up in the moment, i could rechannel my anger and actually say why im upset. like when my mom comments on my weight. instead of saying, "you're cr*zy" in the heat of the moment. it would help, to step away from the situation, and say, "you are inconsiderate" or "you are rude". as a replacement word, i have been saying bananas. today i saw a guy on stilts and i was like "whoa, this ish is bananas", cause i find that aside from being angry, i sometimes use the C word when i see something different, or cool. does anyone think saying bananas could be offensive? and what words are you guys working on?

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